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He dumped me "accidentally" and now he's mad at me!? (Vent)


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Good evening,

 

This is really just a venting post. I don't even know what I want to talk about, I suppose I'm just a bit lost for words.

 

So as you know (most of you know) I got horribly dumped just before Christmas. We had a little discussion a couple of days after and I gave him some of his stuff back and then I initiated NC and kept to it. I deleted numbers, I avoided any places in town where I thought I might bump in to him, I got rid of things he bought me including a ring he bought (not an engagement ring as such). I did everything and stuck to it. However I live in a small town as previously mentioned and I bumped in to mutual friends of ours (who we both use to work with) and they asked how I was doing, asking if Joseph (ex) and I were okay and telling me how hurt he has been since we broke up. I kinda just moved the convo a long and went on about my business.

 

THEN I get a nasty text off Joseph. I deleted his number but he obviously still had mine. He text me:

 

"I can't believe we broke up and you haven't once bothered to contact me or try and work things out. Did our 6 months mean nothing to you? You said you loved me more than the world but I can see what was just a lie now, Judy and Erin told me you didn't even seem upset when they saw you in town and here I am at home feeling blown to pieces! What a douche huh!"

 

Firstly, he dumped me. Secondly I did love him, I loved him so much but he treat me like crap and wouldn't hear me out when I wanted to talk to him about things. He use to get in such a mood if something didn't go his way. He'd punch appliances when they didn't work, he'd sulk and swear the house down when rugby lost, he would take it very personal if I was in a bad mood (even if it wasn't related to him). He use to walk out of restaurants when music came on he didn't like and leave me standing there like a chump, he did (and still does) drug runs for his ex and her fiance. And YES I saw past all that, I made every effort to please him and make him happy because we got on so incredibly well when we're both in good moods. We were practically inseparable.

 

THEN I bump in to him in town and I feel really anxious because I don't know what to say or do. Then he starts a conversation with me as he walks the same way in to town with me. He apologises for his malicious text and tells me that he was just frustrated and hasn't handled the separation very well. Well nor have I. He wasn't the one that was kicked to the curb. He dumped me (for those who don't know) because I couldn't handle his very close relationship with his Ex. He then stops me before we part direction and tells me: (bearing in mind I really just want to get home)

 

"I didn't mean to dump you, I was angry at the argument we had that morning when you said you didn't want to meet my friends. But I can accept that now. I thought you would come back and we could make up. I still want you in my life, I still intend on marrying you and I want to live with you and have all the fun we discussed together"

 

Well I wanted all that too but he ruined it. He meant everything to me. I can't write down and stress how good we were together when we were on a really good run. But he got so pissy when I said I wouldn't be friends with his EX and her fiance. She's uses him for drug runs.

 

He then goes on to saying he wants to try again. He wants things to be different and he's so willing to start from scratch and get to know me all over again. He wants me in his life and he will stop talking about Harriet (his ex) so much, he'll cut down the weekends at hers and he'll even marry me whether it upsets her or not (aww thanks He said we should just get married and tell everyone later.

 

He always frustratingly pointed out how quiet I am. It's true, I am naturally a quiet person, not a moody person but I keep to myself. I do have spurts of chattyness and I make efforts in social situations but overall I'm quiet. And this made him feel uncomfortable. He took it personally as though I was "awkward" around him and how he use to think I was "falling out of love with him" I DID EVERYTHING TO MAKE HIM FEEL SO SPECIAL, LOVED AND WANTED. ALL THE LITTLE THINGS THAT MATTER!!!!!!!! I couldn't do enough to show how in love with him I was. I worshiped the ground he walked on!!!! He told me that He thought I didn't love him and maybe I had second thoughts all the time. NEVER! (Still trying to break away).

 

Funnily enough he had to dash because he was heading to the next town for weed for his ex for a trip this weekend LOL. ???

 

I just said I have to go and walked away home. I started crying because I didn't know what to feel. I was just so overwhelmed that he blamed me for the break up. I can't even remember the stuff he said. I've probably missed out some important things. He's so upset and angry at me. I've never felt so low in all my life.

 

I didn't mean to hurt him but I promise you I was aching way more. I didn't appreciate being dumped or being put second best or being forced to be buddies with his Ex who was always so dieying to meet me. It creeped me out.

 

Anyway this was just a vent. I'm kinda dumbstruck at the moment. I'm trying to just think about what just happened. It was so unexpected....

 

Thank you xxxx

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He's a baby, and if the forum filters allowed for it, I'd be calling him another B word.

 

Don't feel sorry for him. He wanted a reaction from you, and was mad that you kept your dignity and didn't give it to him. Good job, you handled everything the best way possible so far. Continue ignoring and moving on.

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He use to get in such a mood if something didn't go his way. He'd punch appliances when they didn't work, he's sulk and swear the house down when rugby lost, he would take it very personal if I was in a bad mood (even if it wasn't related to him). He use to walk out o restaurants when music came on he didn't like and leave me standing there like a chump, he did (and still does) drug runs for his ex and her fiance. And YES
One thing this guy got right in that text to you is; yes, WHAT A DOUCHE he is.

 

Don't contact him. He's abusive and manipulative and sounds positively boarderline. HE broke up with you. It's up to him to contact you and tell you that he made a mistake. He's a sociopath that you don't need in any capacity in your life.

 

Continue to Ignore, ignore, ignore. and: Well done for maintaining nc. When someone breaks up with you, it's the most self-loving thing you can do for yourself. Look how he's shown you (yet again) what an major assclown he really is. You dodged a bullet, luv.

 

I can't write down and stress how good we were together when we were on a really good run.
Hardly. You were putting up with an abusive personality. Had he not given you the boot, you'd likely still be in it and thinking you were "really good" together. Don't stay with people who act like him. They're nuts.
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I'm so sorry, but with all this added information, he sounds abusive and manipulative. He is angry that he lost control of you, that you actually found the self respect to keep away from him. He thought he had you and fully expected you to crawl back to him on your hands and knees after he dumped you, begging forgiveness and agreeing to anything he wants. Instead you wisely stayed away and he is surprised by that and angry - he lost out on a power trip over you.

 

This is not how love goes, this relationship that you had - love does not conquer all. All this talking he did just now, he is still trying to manipulate and mess with your head. The thing that you need to focus on is his raging, scathing outburst. He is not hurting, he is angry that he can't manage to control you and he lashed out. That is his true face. I hope you will come to understand this soon. Relationships and love are not about looking past all that you have listed here. Please please don't ever get involved like that again where you overlook so much for the good times. Next time you are tempted to overlook, remember that every abuse victim thinks like you do "well he is really lovely when he is not beating me and the beating was my fault anyway." With that kind of thinking, you are in for a world of trouble and that has to change before you get into another bad relationship or a worse one.

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It really shocked me. It's hard to avoid him completely because the town is quite small but I've kept the NC going. I never told him I was doing it. I am a quiet person. I've been like that from a child, I don't know if it's shyness or what but I'm a day dreamer. I don't always feel the need to speak. I explained this to him when we were dating and it sounded like he accepted it and understood... but then he'd make me feel bad for not "running in to his arms" when I first see him or if I was quiet he use to make snide remarks. I'd have to constantly be thinking about my facial expressions and body language. I remember I sometimes use to stand in front of a mirror before seeing him just to make sure I looked okay and happy enough. I've never had to feel like I had to work on myself for someone so much.

 

I would have talked to him (back when we were dating) but if you said anything to him that he took personally, he just saw the red mist and he was intolerable.

 

I remember he was watching a game and I met him at the pub where he was watching it and asked him how it went (didn't realise his team lost) and he told me to F off home and never speak to him again. He is one BAD loser. Don't know how Harriet tolerated him for so long. Maybe she was blinded like me and stayed with him for the good times.

 

I still feel a little shaken. I didn't know what to say he just kept spouting all this stuff at me. I had no idea what to say or do ....

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I have left him alone now. I did initiate NC and kept to it. It was only broken due to bumping to him in town and that was him talking to me, I was far too taken a back to really respond. I can see I've had a lucky escape and I don't want to initate anything with him again. It's nice to feel free again and feel myself without having to try sit back mind and let him dictate to me.

 

Weirdly I miss him though. Just miss having him around, the company and the fun we did have. As I said I'm not considering taking him back, it sort of crossed my mind a couple of weeks back, as I thought a second chance might not be such a bad thing. I believed him when he said he'd change for me, but I never did anything about it.

 

I'm still a bit wierded out after yesterday. It's been playing on my mind all day, rethinking everything he said. Sucks.

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Its just a tiny set-back. In the next day or two you'll be back to (almost) being at the stage of indifference to him. It's normal to miss someone that has been in your life. That "missing" too will dissipate as time goes on.

 

Good for you for loving yourself enough to stay gone when you know he's not good for you in the long run.

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