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Im a billy no mates!


loveandlust1

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Since leaving secondary school 4 years ago, I have struggled to maintain any friendships. I am not sure what is wrong with me but no one really wants to hang out with me. I had a horrible time at college because non of the new girls liked me and I drifted from all of my school friends who all now have gone their separate ways and have made it obvious that they're not interested in rekindling the friendships. During college I spent a lot of time with my then boyfriend, which added to me drifting from my school friends.

 

I am now at university but I live at home. I had made two friends at university but we didn't have much in common in our final year, so I moved on and made friendships with two other girls, but they aren't interested in hanging out outside of class time. I tried to make friends with a girl from work who I think is really nice, but she can't commit herself to anything.

 

I feel very lonely. I have a boyfriend who I love very much and I see him a lot, but I realise I need to make some friends. I have longed for a girl-friend who I can go out with on some weekends and go shopping occasionally etc but I just can't seem to find anyone who will make the effort, theres always an excuse. Im not sure what to do.

 

Any advice out there or anyone who has been through a similar thing?

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Perhaps you are coming on a little too strong? That's just a guess because I have no idea how you act with these girls.

Usually if it's a case of all people you interact with generally start avoiding you, then it's a social behaviour you are doing that makes them want to do so. It's got nothing to do with you as a person, it is just something you should take into consideration. I'm only stating this because I found myself with the same problem. I only seem to have friends that I've known for 10 years or so, the rest come and go and any potential new friendships will often just disappear shortly after I meet them. I've reflected on my behaviour with new people and found that my personality is a little full on to begin with and I have to make sure I tone it down a bit so as not to overwhelm them or make them feel uncomfortable.

I've also found that shy people can often be mistaken for being arrogant and uninterested in interacting rather than what it actually is, so if you're feeling shy and quiet just make sure to be as confident as you can.

People also value others who are interested in them and their lives. "What did you do this weekend?", "what do you think about this?", "how was your New Years?" etc are polite questions that get the person talking about themselves rather than "I saw this, today", "I think -this- about -this-" etc.

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I am a heterosexual female, but I can see how it may have seemed! CeeLambrini, I can see your point. Sometimes I wonder am I coming on too strong or not strong enough? Im not great with people and I have a lot of social anxiety. A lot of bad things concerning friendships has happened to me and has made me nervous of new friendships but I also feel lonely, and really want some new friends!

 

The friends I made at school go to university accross the country, so I can't seem them as easily and they seem to have developed new lives so live less in their old ones. I did meet up with an old friend recently but I realised she hadn't really changed her ways from school (she was always very y and manipulative)

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