Been talking to this girl for 2.5 months...suddenly drops off out of nowhere

[ultimateguy8]

So I met this girl out and about one night the first week of November who seemingly had her life in order, a good job/good career, her own place, similar interests etc. We hit it off that night and I got her number.

 

We communicated through text primarily and would hang out/go on dates every once in awhile. We got along great and never had any fights/issues. Last time we were out she hinted that she liked me but I've learned from past relationships to be more guarded with my feelings/not move too fast so I didn't say I liked her back. I didn't want to give her the wrong idea because I really wasn't sure how much I liked her. I know I liked her personality a lot and liked hanging out with her but didn't know if I wanted to jump into a relationship just yet.

 

Anyways, she hasn't responded to a text for over a week which is not like her at all (usually gets back to me at least that day and if not, definitely the next day). The last conversation (and really every one before) we had was fine, no issues and all smiles, so I don't see what could have happened. I know for a fact that her phone isn't broken (trust me on this) and unless her phone magically won't communicate with mine (haha), there has to be some reason she's ignoring me.

 

I don't really want to play her games if that's what she's doing so I spoke my peace and am prepared to move on. I told her "next time, try to be more mature about things and tell the other person you don't want to talk" and left it at that. Don't know if that was the smartest move on my part/best way to put it but I did it and there's no going back now (haha).

 

I'm not really bitter over the whole situation; it just took me by surprise that she would do that since we had turned into really good friends. I know it's pointless to think WHY but without answers from her, I'm just wondering what could have happened that made her want to stop talking to me. Did she have a new guy? Possible I guess but I feel that this would be a long shot. Tired of me not making it official? This is probably it but if she knew my past relationships she would understand why I don't want to get overly attached too quickly. I made sure to keep my distance and not hang out with her all the time.

 

But honestly who knows what the real reason is. All I know is I said what I had to and am done. If she wants to talk, she knows how to reach me.

 

/rant

[Johnny Utah]

Most people have had similar experience. Silence often means a fade away. It's not nice.

 

I feel this generation thinks that's an appropriate response. To me, it lacks courage and is dishonest. Just tell somebody.

 

Since it sounds like you want to know, just ask her. People are so afraid of uncomfortable conversations but it helps people so own up to your responsibility.

[DancingFool]

She liked you and was hoping for more. All she got from you was some texting, sporadic dates and no response when she hinted that she likes you. You actually rejected her in many different ways and you wonder why she stopped talking to you? What I find particularly ironic is that you sent a bitter response how she should have been more mature when you utterly failed to communicate what it is you were after with her or that you even remotely liked her. When you act like that, you'll find yourself in this kind of a situation often.

[ChasingHope]

She liked you and was hoping for more. All she got from you was some texting, sporadic dates and no response when she hinted that she likes you. You actually rejected her in many different ways and you wonder why she stopped talking to you? What I find particularly ironic is that you sent a bitter response how she should have been more mature when you utterly failed to communicate what it is you were after with her or that you even remotely liked her. When you act like that, you'll find yourself in this kind of a situation often.

 

I agree with this. She didn't feel that you were into it, so she moved on, probably with someone else. You feel that the mature thing for her to do would have been to let you know she was going to "peace out, see you never", but the mature thing for you to do would have been to communicate with her how you felt, and been honest that you were more guarded about getting into a relationship, or even that you liked her. She might have been more inclined to tell you she was moving on, instead of just assuming you would figure it out.

[chr8st8na]

Nah I dont think that was a bad text to send at the end tbh... if someone fades on you for no particular reason or/and doesnt give 2shyt how it will affect you, then i think its fair to say your peace & leave.

 

I honestly dont see how he rejected her in many ways... because he didnt pursue her hard enough? I think if a person really likes you too after a short time, they will have gotten back to you within a week.

[ultimateguy8]

I agree with this. She didn't feel that you were into it, so she moved on, probably with someone else. You feel that the mature thing for her to do would have been to let you know she was going to "peace out, see you never", but the mature thing for you to do would have been to communicate with her how you felt, and been honest that you were more guarded about getting into a relationship, or even that you liked her. She might have been more inclined to tell you she was moving on, instead of just assuming you would figure it out.

 

Fair assessments from all of you so thank you. However, I don't think any person would talk to another person for 2.5 months if they didn't like them, even just a little bit.

[DancingFool]

Fair assessments from all of you so thank you. However, I don't think any person would talk to another person for 2.5 months if they didn't like them, even just a little bit.

 

Players, tire kickers, grooming for fwb, damaged people who are not sure what they want, killing time until something better comes along, not that interested but better than nothing when bored, users, using as plan B when plan A fails, etc. Lots of really bad reasons out there why people drag along for a long time without ever seemingly going anywhere one way or the other.

 

You don't need to jump into an instant relationship, but when you like someone, you do need to communicate that clearly and not just assume that they will assume that you do. I like you is not an I love you. You are not committing yourself to anything there. In the end, dates and dating need to have a momentum and without it, things stall out and end. When you play it too cool and with your cards too close to you, the other person will simply conclude that you are any of the above options and walk away.

[fifregister]

@DancingFool, I think this is a fair assessment. OP - why so bothered over someone you weren't sure about? You don't owe her a relationship, and she doesn't owe you an explanation. It's just part of the crappy dating dance.

[laninaperdida]

I don't think she's playing a game neccessarily.

She had a life before you so my guess is that life is taking up more of her time now than it was when you met.

It may be about a guy (this is the most likely scenario), but it could be about work or school.

ALso, everything Johnny Utah said is spot on.

People in tis generation are more likely to just vanish than they are to have an uncomfortable convo.

[savignon]

I didn't say I liked her back.... I really wasn't sure how much I liked her.

 

.... I told her "next time, try to be more mature about things and tell the other person you don't want to talk"

 

To me this doesn't make a lot of sense. After 2.5 months she knew she was into you enough to bring it up and you didn't say it back. That's the time to move on if you have any self respect and that's what she did. Your comment afterwards would baffle me since you weren't all that interested in the first place. Fair enough...you don't have to like her...but try and get it when she'd move on from that and look for someone who knows they dig her after 2.5 months.

[ultimateguy8]

To me this doesn't make a lot of sense. After 2.5 months she knew she was into you enough to bring it up and you didn't say it back. That's the time to move on if you have any self respect and that's what she did. Your comment afterwards would baffle me since you weren't all that interested in the first place. Fair enough...you don't have to like her...but try and get it when she'd move on from that and look for someone who knows they dig her after 2.5 months.

 

I might add it was never really brought up...it was more of a side comment like "I think X's why we like eachother/get along so well". It was not something where *I HAD TO* respond "I like you too" as all seem to be assuming. I just added this part merely to demonstrate that she liked me.

 

And how does the end baffle you? I'm not the type to talk to a girl for 2.5 months without some sort of interest. I just decided this time I wasn't going to see a girl several times a week (been burned by that before where it fizzled out), wasn't going to get too attached (been hurt by that before as well), and was going to take things slower and not jump into anything I wasn't 100% sure about. I was still dating her exclusively on my end - not seeing anyone else, not talking to anyone else - but needed time to figure everything out. I understand that I didn't express this to her but those were my intentions. It appears as though I took too long...

 

I just don't it's very difficult to ask "hey I was wondering what the deal is with us?" or "I was wondering where this was headed?" instead of going silent. That's how I'd approach it.

[quiddy]

To be honest I've learnt that if there is no progress in dating after 2 months then it means that other person is not interested enough and doesn't want a relationship. That's how I ended my two dating periods with 2 guys last year. In both cases I waited for about 2 months and then let them go as I was looking for a relationship and not hanging out with someone once a week, texting and not knowing how involved they were.

I sent texts to them though saying I don't think it was working out as we wanted different things. People don't like wasting time and for whatever reason you have issues and need to take it slow unless you talk to the person they are not a mind reader

[quiddy]

I would never ask " hey I was wondering what the deal is with us "

Do you know the saying " if you can't figure out where you stand with someone , it is time to stop standing and start walking"

 

Dating is easy , you either date cos you want a relationship and you give it a go or you don't until you figure out what you want and sort your previous issues out ( trust issues or other stuff ) cos you waste people's time and it is not right

[missmarple]

To be honest I've learnt that if there is no progress in dating after 2 months then it means that other person is not interested enough and doesn't want a relationship.

 

Exactly this.

[savignon]

I just decided this time I wasn't going to see a girl several times a week wasn't going to get too attached and was going to take things slower and not jump into anything I wasn't 100% sure about.

 

I just don't it's very difficult to ask "hey I was wondering what the deal is with us?" or "I was wondering where this was headed?".

 

She knew where it was going....you didn't want to see her several times a week or get too attached. Again, that's fair--that's where you're coming from. If she wants more, she knows she needs to look elsewhere and decided to do that. I gotta hand it to girls that do this b/c too many say "where is this going?" and let the other person decide. They caught up in "I've been hurt before...I just want to take things slowly" etc and waste their time with someone who's really just not that into them.

 

 

To be honest I've learnt that if there is no progress in dating after 2 months then it means that other person is not interested enough and doesn't want a relationship.

 

Exactly.

[Ms Darcy]

She didn't feel that you were into it, so she moved on, probably with someone else. You feel that the mature thing for her to do would have been to let you know she was going to "peace out, see you never", but the mature thing for you to do would have been to communicate with her how you felt, and been honest that you were more guarded about getting into a relationship, or even that you liked her. She might have been more inclined to tell you she was moving on, instead of just assuming you would figure it out.

 

She liked you and was hoping for more. All she got from you was some texting, sporadic dates and no response when she hinted that she likes you. You actually rejected her in many different ways and you wonder why she stopped talking to you? What I find particularly ironic is that you sent a bitter response how she should have been more mature when you utterly failed to communicate what it is you were after with her or that you even remotely liked her. When you act like that, you'll find yourself in this kind of a situation often.

 

Players, tire kickers, grooming for fwb, damaged people who are not sure what they want, killing time until something better comes along, not that interested but better than nothing when bored, users, using as plan B when plan A fails, etc. Lots of really bad reasons out there why people drag along for a long time without ever seemingly going anywhere one way or the other.

 

You don't need to jump into an instant relationship, but when you like someone, you do need to communicate that clearly and not just assume that they will assume that you do. I like you is not an I love you. You are not committing yourself to anything there. In the end, dates and dating need to have a momentum and without it, things stall out and end.

 

To be honest I've learnt that if there is no progress in dating after 2 months then it means that other person is not interested enough and doesn't want a relationship.

 

I think the ladies on this thread are all consistently giving you very good advice and insight - which you seem to be resisting.

 

It sounds like you are saying: "Well, she should cater to my emotional baggage." I don't think you'll find many women to jump on that bandwagon. If you have such baggage, maybe you should work through it so that you are fully ready to date again. And if you are "unsure" of someone, which is ok, accept that they are going to move on from your ambivalence.

[ultimateguy8]

Thanks to everyone who posted their insight. I wasn't resisting the advice, just trying to play devils advocate. Finally cleared this one up with her 2 weeks ago and forgot to post in here. It's pretty much exactly what has been said previously in here - she wasn't sure if I was into her because everything took so long to develop. I'm not a bad person, I just wasn't 100% sure of things and didn't want to date someone unless I was fully invested in them. I know I kept her hanging too long and I regret doing it. I'm only 23 so everything's a learning experience.

[chr8st8na]

Yea... ppl's pace in relationship are different... I know I move in snail pace too but I usually let the person I am talking to or showing interest in me that I like to take things slow. Don't change who you are, just be clear with the person what your pace is when it comes to relationship & you will be fine.

[ultimateguy8]

I'm honestly glad I didn't date that girl. I wouldn't have been 100% happy. I believe that everything works out for a reason. When the girl I was writing about here stopped talking to me, I started talking to another girl that I have known for 2 years. We've been good friends ever since but would go months without seeing each other. Now it seems as though the timing is just right and I couldn't be happier.

[Ms Darcy]

Good for you. Good luck!