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rebound guy?or not?next move?(if any)


sak21

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Well .. my story..

I met this girl via twitter.I really liked her and did all the right things to gauge her level of attraction towards me.I made a date and it was like magic ..you could cut the attraction with the knife.We were very compatible in most things,share the same principles etc..She was 4 months out of her 4 year relationship but she said that was over him..(one month before the BU she told to a friend of mine (girl) that the ex contact her one month after we got together and she told him that she was with me now..

The first two months it was like heaven(honeymoon phase i think)..she did everything she could do for me and she even said that she loved me and dreaming about our future.(red flag..i know now..)

The thing was me ..i was very much into her but my work was at the lowest point.I was expecting a work deal that was a 'do or die for me' that didnt flurish and i went COMPLETELY broke!!i was shocked..i didnt have a dime.Only the home i was living in and little support from my mother pension.It was the first time for me and i didnt know what to do.I was depressed.She was very supportive and sweet..she was paying for my drinks when we went out or taking me small trips with her car..

The relationship was completely in her hands.i could do anything or made any desicion cause i hadnt any money.The whole thing was effecting my mood and my sexual drive..i didnt want to make love to her..i was a wreck..and took her for granted(i know...big mistake)..I was the woman in the relationship(sad but true)

After four months she started slowly removing her sexual interest(she didnt talk about making love so often as before)and become distant but tender..

The fifth month things went downhill.She became more distant and we didnt see each other a lot..

I was gradually become clingy from the moment i went broke and leaning to her ,giving her the keys of our reliationship but at the sixth month i became suspicious and jealous..

The more she drifted away the more jealous i became..(another HUGE mistake..)

The last week of our relationship i caught her texting once when we where out ,asked her about it and she told me that she was from a facebook girlfriend.I didnt know her...

I didnt believe her and i was very persistent.I told her that something was very fishy..and then she asked to meet me..i refused and then she gave me the 'i dont feel this way for you anymore' speech..I said 'ok..the end' in anger and hung up the phone..

The next day i send her a text saying to deliver my expensive camera to our mutual friends for me to pick it up.She said that she wanted to bring it to me personally ..i declined..and she said 'you dont want to see me even for two minutes? ..i didnt reply and told her to send it to our friends..

The next day she called me to say that is ok..

Our friends told me that she was in bad shape.Deep down i knew the real reason of the brake up..(i was the 'girl' and the submissive one)but they thought otherwise and beg me to call her..i did one week after we broke up.We spoke for about 10 minutes ..she stated that she was starting to 'lose it' gradually over the last two months and become angry with herself..anyway.. i told her calmly not to go back with her ex who mistreated her and to find someone new..i also told her that i was going to block her from fb cause i thought it was the right think to do...i was devastated..

M work was getting better and after 20 days i finally sealed the deal i was expecting for so long..i was really happy ..it was a life changer for me..the same day my nephew told me that he is going to see a play with his school at the theater my ex works..i texted that to her telling to take good care of him and then 'add miss you brat' (stupid move ..i know)..she replied that she ll try to spot him find a good seat and even get him autographs from the actors..i then text her to call me when she got home cause i have something to tell her ..something important about my job that would made her happy..She did..I missed the call and call her after two hours..i was trying to be more happy than i actually was and talk about my success..i also told her that i understood how bore and uninteresting i was from the time i went broke but i didnt say anything to come back together..i asked to take care of my nephew again and said goodbye..The next day my nephew told me that noone had reach out for him and also told me that he saw the lady i was telling him..

Its been another 2 months since then with NC.. but i think of her all the time..Our mutual friends (a married couple on her side)told me that she was asking them if they are still in contact with me..and they also told me that she wasnt dating since our BU(as far as they know)and that she goes out with her girlfriends..

It is been 3 months after now with 2 months NC..after reading all of these posts i m almost certain that i was the 'dreadful' rebound guy..if this the case i got screwed i guess..any thoughts?

PS.excuse my english ..its not my native tongue..

 

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Yes I know how you feel with regards to work and a relationship. When your down, you can't seem to get up and your never happy. Honestly I think you were the rebound guy sadly, 4 months after 4 years is not a lot of time to heal the wounds of her last relationship. So yes I think you were the rebound sorry to say.

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Thanks for the input.I never was a rebound guy before(as far as i know).It hurts.I m now at 2 months NC and trying to restore my confidence..i ve hit the gym and i ve lost almost 20 pounds..the thing is ..did i screwed up?or it was a helpless case from the start and i had nothing to do with the outcome?(which i really dont think so..)

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Actually your post left me confused, what you exactly want? Do you still love her and want to get back to her?If yes then you very well know, what your next move should be. Stop over analyzing, these things happen because we get caught up with different emotions that we experience and get swayed by them and make things complicated. Though being calm and maintain your sanity is easier said than done.

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thank you jonahf !i ve post it at the 'getting back together' section of the forum so a thought that it would be obvious..my bad..so yes that my (very hard) goal..i know NC is the way to go first and foremost for me.. but any input about rebound guys (which i think i am) with stories similar to mine would be much appreciated..

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well..i m in NC for nine weeks now..its been 3 months since the BU... I M trying to improve my self in any aspect of life but i do have feelings for her still..A couple of weeks ago i went to paris for a 3 day vacation with a female friend of mine..i had a wonderfull time and brought back pics which i ve posted them in fb..there were all landscapes from paris..she called a mutual friends of ours and said girlfriends of mine told me that he went to paris..why didnt you tell me that?where did he find the money?he must have had them before or he must have found a rich new girlfriend'....i think its ego trippin tho' and nothing more..still in NC...any thoughts??

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