Jump to content

Family of the ex


Recommended Posts

Been no contact for a couple of weeks and although it's hard the urge to contact her is getting less and less. I was really close to her family (mum, stepdad, dad, stepmum, brother and sisters) and they have all been in touch to say they don't know what she's done, they think she's made a mistake, they're concerned about me and they understand I can't speak to her but hope it doesn't ruin my relationship with them.

 

I became good friends with them and would do things with them without the ex. Is that all definitely lost now? Or from your experiences is there anyway to set up some boundaries (ie tell them not to mention her) and maintain the friendships as well as no contact with the ex?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No.....

 

This is one of the worst ideas ever.....

My ex's family reached out to me in the same way, I told them thanks....that they are wonderful people, but that she and I were through, wished them the best, then had no further contact with them.

 

Would have been very counterproductive.....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

^^

 

I agree.

 

OP, imagine you keep them in your life as-is. How are you going to feel when she comes around with her new guy? How is it going to work when you start seeing a new girl? Do you think she'll be okay with you spending so much time with an Ex's family instead of getting to know hers? And lastly, how would you feel if it was you -- your Ex staying close to your family?

 

If all of this brings up uncomfortable feelings then leave it alone!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

^^

 

I agree.

 

OP, imagine you keep them in your life as-is. How are you going to feel when she comes around with her new guy? How is it going to work when you start seeing a new girl? Do you think she'll be okay with you spending so much time with an Ex's family instead of getting to know hers? And lastly, how would you feel if it was you -- your Ex staying close to your family?

 

If all of this brings up uncomfortable feelings then leave it alone!

 

Well, by contact I meant going out for an occasional drink and texts/emails, so not excessive amounts of time. I've already declined the offer to go round for a meal because I think that would have been awkward. She is seeing someone else and I'd make sure they wouldn't talk about it to me, which I know if I asked they wouldn't. And they genuinely want to see me happy so if I started seeing a new girl (which trust me is a long way off) that wouldn't be a problem.

 

I suppose the only thing I need to think about is your last point. I still care about her and although she's seeing someone else I know that's just because she's struggling to cope. I suppose if she found out I'm still close to her family it might make things difficult for her or make her feel like they've "taken my side" which I imagine would be a horrible feeling for her.

 

I'll think about it some more, just wanted to see if anybody had experience of this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And just in response to a previous post in no way am I thinking about this in order to keep her close or in a hope that she'll change her mind. I'm not in that place anymore. Her family, myself and her are also scattered around the country at the moment so it's not me trying to stay physically close to her either.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Think about when you do meet someone new. You will meet and get close to her family too, and then what if you then broke up, would you want to stay in touch with that ex's family too? And the next new girlfriend's family after her too? And the next? Ridiculous, right?

 

Just do what surfjon did- be polite, wish them the best, say goodbye and move on from all of them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you now have to consider the situation now and put some definate space between you and them, as you two are no longer involved.. out of respect for her.. and them. That is her family...

 

I did keep up with my first ex's mom over the years BUT very sporadicly. Like cpl times a year. At first.. we hardly ever spoke. Now, over 10 yrs later, we do still communicate in small doses and HE has nothing to do with it.

 

I just suggest you do not continue as you were... give much more space now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...