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Ending it if it isn't "official"


Amie7917

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The Overview

 

Myself and “K” met on an online dating site in mid-October. His profile specified that he was looking for “the one” but isn’t in any particular rush, while my profile was vague in that regard.

 

We get along great, inside and outside the bedroom. But on my part, at least, I really just feel like…just friends…with him. I’m not sure how he feels about me.

 

The Question:

 

Do we have to sit down and have a conversation about this? As long as he doesn’t bring anything up, I have no problem just assuming that we’re in a non-exclusive, casually dating/FWB scenario. However, a large fraction of my female friends assume that if they’re sleeping with someone, it’s automatically an exclusive, committed relationship, and feel outraged and used if they find out their guy didn’t feel the same. Is this a gender thing? Or could K be thinking the same thing, and as such we need to talk about it/end it immediately? If generation makes a difference, I’m mid 20’s and he’s early 40’s.

 

Additional Details

 

I’ve since deleted my profile from that website (for unrelated reasons) and K is still on it frequently. We take turns paying if we go out (usually stay in, since he has a small child.) I’ve met one of his friends, he’s met none of mine. We spend the night, and leave before noon the next day. We usually text daily about mundane stuff. He rarely asks questions about my life other than what I was up to the night before or what I think about something we just watched on tv; but he’s told me a sizeable chunk of his life story (this is actually a positive, since I dislike talking about myself, but it is noteable because typically when I date someone who is interested in a relationship, they try to get me to talk more about myself.) We make a lot of plans last minute (THIS is a negative, I’m a planner.) Oh and every movie we end up watching together has a wedding scene it. EVERY movie. To the point it’s getting creepy.

 

 

TL,DR: Am I a jerk if I just assume we’re friends with benefits?

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your friends are quite wrong on this point. Unless a discussion has taken place BEFORE HAVING SEX that once you have sex, it is understood that you two are entering into a committed relationship, then it should never be assumed that the trading of sex for relationship is valid. They need to find out the guy feels the same BEFORE the sex.

 

Of course you two need to talk about it and age has nothing to do with it. No one can read your mind. You have to talk to him.

 

 

 

No, you're uninformed and that's not a place you want to be in, considering what it is you're discussing here.

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Thanks to you all. And while you're all very correct in that a chat is necessary...how long into "seeing" someone should that chat occur? I'd guess around the 3 month mark, depending on a number of factors, but I've never initiated one before.

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Thanks to you all. And while you're all very correct in that a chat is necessary...how long into "seeing" someone should that chat occur? I'd guess around the 3 month mark, depending on a number of factors, but I've never initiated one before.

 

Certainly before you lay down in his bed naked, sexually aroused and have sex with him. Consummation of sex is not an unspoken contract to enter into a relationship in any realm.

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