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I'm too Big yet too Small for her - Please Advise


acalalang110

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2 Problems

1. My length is 4.5" but because I'm obese its more like 3" thus insertion really happens only at the tip.

2. My width is about 2-3x her vagina (even when she is excited & lubbed up) so insertion is a problem.

 

We both were virgins so techniques were bad at first but we've tried all types of positions with plenty of lube and excitation. Its gotten to the point where having sex is such a pain/hassle that its not worth it for me. I've given her orgasms every night via non-insertion methods but we both really want to have sex with insertion.

 

Problem 1: Lacking in Length

I believe length can not be changed. The only thing I can do is lose weight so that my fat is no longer in the way.

Other means of enhancing length such as Stretching, Surgery, and Pills have side effects that neither of us want.

- Stretching - risk of permanent damage

- Surgery - inability to maintain upward angel of erection

- Pills - systemic side effects

Am I overlooking anything or are my beliefs incorrect?

 

Sex positions also pose another solution. We have tried:

- cowgirl (her on top) - this has posed a challenge as we can not properly coordinate insertion (when her hand is used for coordination, crucial space needed for insertion is taken away)

- me on top with her legs spread horizontally - insertion of the tip and an inch occurs; however she often pushes me away reflexively due to pain from girth

- me on top sitting on one of her legs with the other one spread resting on my shoulder - this allows for insertion and it doesn't give her as much pain

- doggy style variation - i found her butt and thighs to be blocking access but i think angel adjustment might allow for insertion (will have to try)

- pillow under her me on top - failure (no insertion)

Are there any other positions that might help facilitate insertion

 

Is pumping not an option? Since the penis often comes out of the vagina? Should we focus on grinding / sliding options (her on top moving back and forth with the penis inserted...not sure how I would perform such movements if I were on top...maybe go in and out only very little)

 

 

Problem 2: I'm too wide for her

We both were virgins, so is this something that we can overcome with experience? After numerous insertions will it no longer be painful for her? She would push me away even before the tip of my penis would enter her. So I decided to penetrate with my index finger first. I eventually made it 3 inches in before it was too thick for her. My penis is about 3x my index finger maybe more. But this helped as I was able to insert the head of the penis and maybe an inch. As a side note she has never noticed her hymen break and it didn't break during the finger insertion..any idea what might have happened here? She is concerned as to why her hyman did not break, is it deeper than 3 inches?

 

I am aware that exciting a female can cause the vagina to increase in size by 200% as well as provide the necessary lubrication. When we have sex we not only make sure she is excited but also use a lot of lubrication (KY Jelly as well as petroleum jelly). Still despite all of this I am still to big for her. Besides giving it time (numerous insertions to get her vagina used to my size) is there anything else i can do? Will we be able to have normal sex or will it always be painful for her? (Its somewhat painful for me to as I meet a lot of resistance if i go fast ... like hitting a hard rock).

 

Thanks in advance!

 

PS: There aren't any psychological confidence comfort issues. We have both known each other for 3 years and are very close and open with each other. Also she wants to have sex more than me. I am also often erect (naturally) for hours when I am with her. Also I'm not frustrated with not being able to have sex (I've come to accept it and assume it will happen after I lose weight and do some more research on it).

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I think if you are too big - there is nothing much you can do. At least when I had a partner that was too big for me - lovemaking never was pleasurable for me, ever. It never became easier after three years either, and I was a virgin, too. So I don't know, but I am not sure it is something you can overcome with time and numerous insertions.

Regarding her hymen - some of us have them thicker then others, and they may also be broken earlier in childhood by some kind of injury, sport, and so on. So maybe hers was already broken, or wasn't that thick...

Sex is like Lego or puzzles. You should be compatible to enjoy it.

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If you are obese these can affect your ability to penetrate... The simplest and best answer here is for you to get on a weight loss program and lose the weight. Go to your doctor and get a check-up to help you determine what weight loss plan might be best for you. You can lose a significant amount of weight very quickly if you stick to certain programs such as Medifast or a low-carb diet, or get lap band or gastric bypass if you are morbidly obese on the order of 100+ lbs or more.

 

re: the girth of your penis vs. her vagina, a vagina is flexible enough to accommodate a baby's head, so the issue isn't her vagina per se. Some women have very thick hymens or mostly closed hymens and need to go to the doctor to get special devices to gradually stretch the hymen over time or to have surgery to open it. She needs to go to a gynecologist to get that looked at to find a solution.

 

Meanwhile there are other ways to make love and orgasm that the two of you can pursue until you are able to lose the weight and she gets her hymen issues resolved.

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Problem 1: Lacking in Length

I believe length can not be changed. The only thing I can do is lose weight so that my fat is no longer in the way.

Other means of enhancing length such as Stretching, Surgery, and Pills have side effects that neither of us want.

- Stretching - risk of permanent damage

- Surgery - inability to maintain upward angel of erection

- Pills - systemic side effects

Am I overlooking anything or are my beliefs incorrect?

 

You are correct, you can not change your size, but loosing weight would help. Since that takes time, I'll tell you some other ways to bring her pleasure

 

 

Try it with her laying sideways with her knees bent like she's sitting, but she's laying down. I did this position with my ex (who was very small and overweight) and it made him feel a lot bigger. Problem being, if she thinks you are to wide... which, I have to ask, how wide are you? Since I don't know how obese you are or how big your fingers are, I really can not picture how wide you are. But I don't quite understand why this would be so much of a problem for her, even as a virgin. Women get use to man who are long and wide and love it- all the time. It can be painful, but after this much trying, it should not be painful anymore. Try starting with one finger, then two, then three... then if she gets there, try your penis. If she can not handle that, the issue may be with the fact that you are putting your penis in her, not with the width of your penis. Even if she loves and trusts you, this could still be an issue for her, a lot of women have a hard time getting use to the idea of having a man inside of them.

 

 

 

Full disclosure: I have never had anyone try a pump while I was there. My ex claims that he tried it once and was in so much pain afterwards, and it really didn't do much. Her on top, with you being large and small, would be difficult. I for one can not "ride" anyone that is 6 inches are below, they just... keep popping out! That is not to say that she can't, but until you loose weight, especially, this will be difficult. (TMI perhaps, but I really can't ride anyone very well unless they are in the 8 inch and up range, though I can do ok in the 6/7 inch zone.).

 

 

 

Again, I think this could be more psychological then physical, though she me not know that. She's not just pushing you away for no reason, when you feel stress, it can play our physically on your body (she may not realize that is it), and I believe this is what is going on with her. As I mentioned above, try one finger, then two, then three, and finger her like that, and when she's wet and enjoying it, try your penis. If she freaks out at that point, it is most likely psychological.

 

As for her hymen, if you have used toys or fingers in her and it still has not broken, it probably broke a long time ago. Don't read too much into that, a hymen can break from using a tampon, going horseback riding, a hard fall, etc. It is not 100% foolproof that it breaks when you loose your virginity. Also, it could have broken, but the spotting could have been very minor. It's not like you bleed out all over your sheets when you loose your virginity. For me, it was a small amount of blood on a piece of toilet paper in the middle of the night, if the bathroom light wasn't on and if I hadn't looked after wiping, I never would have noticed it. That hole thing where in some countries they check the sheets after the wedding night... they would have accused me of not being a virgin (even if I was) because I just didn't bleed much at all, and in fact, this happens to a lot of women who are then accused of not being a virgin!

 

 

 

No no no! No petroleum jelly! Petroleum jelly is for anal sex only. In the vagina, use spit or lube. You do not need to mix anything with KY. Again, use the finger method I mentioned above. If she is not wet enough on her own, try more foreplay, eat her out, finger her, use some toys on her etc. Lube really feels gross to me and makes me want to shower right away after, I would be turned off too if someone slathered me up in KY and petroleum! Again, NO petroleum in the vagina, I can not stress this enough!

 

 

 

It could still be psychological, not an issue with you, but an issue with the action of sex. Being THAT sensitive to your width is concerning, this may just be the petroleum jelly, otherwise if she can handle three fingers, she can handle your width.

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Lose weight. Less food, more exercise. I'd recommend resistance training over cardio in this instance. Not only will it affect the issue of excess fat, but it will allow you to try positions that maximise potential for penetration. 4chan's /fit/ board has a lot of resources that may be of use to you.

 

I'd be quite surprised if you were genuinely too big for her. It may be a matter of working slowly (SLOWLY) up in size by fingering her, or with toys (we're talking weeks or maybe months). An option in the meantime may be grinding; sliding your erect penis over the outside of her (lubricated) vulva.

 

Stop using petroleum jelly . It eats condoms, for one (if that's an issue) and it's just... dont. KY is great... kinda... if you run out and only the service-station is open. Get some quality waterbased lube. Pjur is excellent.

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You could practice with sex toys in the meantime I know it isn't the same as using your own body part but you can use fingers and tongue as well. If the width is hurting her sex with your own member will cause her lots of discomfort and being a virgin she is probably very tight. Have you discussed with your doctor, maybe her gyno, idk there is help out there for you both and can still enjoy each other various ways sexual until you find a solve.

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