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I think I know the answer to my own question here and that's no contact but i guess i just feel the need to vent...

 

So my ex recently went through one of my good friends to tell me she thinks I'm turning everyone in her life against her and that she is really upset and is hurting inside but then the next day says she's super happy and hasn't been this happy in a long time and then goes back and keeps flip flopping on what she's telling them. This person she's going to is also her friend so i think she's trying to find an outlet in someone to vent to (she has very few friends) and wants to know why i removed all sources of contact with her so she's trying to go through him to figure out what's going on with me. She is basically blaming all the problems that have occurred in her life over the past 6 months on me, I guess i just don't understand why she feels like im doing all these things to hurt her. She broke up with me but then acts like im the one that did everything wrong and that im being heartless and im turning her into some sort of super villain to the people who were mutual friends with us. Now that me and her aren't dating they never hang out because i was the only reason she spent time with them (i drove her and i set up all the plans for us all to hang out). Its like now that im not doing that for her im some sort of mean person. Im going to stay strong and remain in no contact but damn, what the hell does it seem like she's thinking to you guys?

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Been there done that, she is probably seeking for some attention, either from you or the mutual friends you guys had.

 

An ex I had said that she heard I talked about her or that I followed her one day, which was not the case. She said that crap so that I would contact her to ask her why she said them, but I didnt.

 

You keep doing your thing mate, let her talk as much as she wants. The people that care about you and you care about them know the truth and that is enough.

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She is trying to figure out a way back into your life. That's all this is about. She can't get back using direct means so she's using your friend to do it.

 

I would tell the friend to not discuss you with her and to not come to you with anything from her. She wanted out, so let her stay out.

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This is simpler than you think.

 

You tell your mutual friends ONCE that it was her choice to break up, and you are puzzled by her behavior because she was the one who wanted to leave, and you treated her well and you think she's just unhappy with her life in general and casting around looking for people to blame and ways to feel better and you were a casualty of that. Then you tell them you'd rather not hear about her anymore because she is an ex and no longer your GF, and you need to move on and them talking about her isn't helping.

 

then if they try to bring her up again, just remind them that that is old news and you're moving on. Break ups are always messy, but they become old news to other people very quickly, so the best way to navigate that is just to give your side of the story ONCE, then drop it and tell them it's over, she's an ex, and you just want to get on with your life so the topic is not open for discussion anymore. Then change the subject and refuse to talk about her.

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cool thanks guys im already doing what all of you have suggested, i guess i just wanted some confirmation that im not being the bad guy here (thats how shes making it feel). The only thing im having a hard time doing is telling them not to say anything to me about her, because i really still care and i did tell them that last night. I basically said to them that i still care about her and that if they talk badly of her or talk about how great shes doing in front of me it's going to make me upset because i still have feelings for her.

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Your ex is very outspoken and acting verbally immature. A relationship always takes two, she's not so innocent, i'm sure.

Yes, she is 'venting'. People do this.. but in the end, it could make her the villain.

Dont bother reacting to any of this. Let her keep digging her hole.. YOU carry on as you are, IGNORE IT & HER.

 

Dont worry.. in ways, this shows us who our real friends are..

tc

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