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Friends that ruin game?


elsenyor

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I have a "situation" that I run into constantly... that is friends and women....

 

I'm pretty social, I meet new women every night I go out and though I maybe a 6 or a 7 on the looks scale, my personality compensates.

 

Thing is there's a recurring theme, every time I bring new women to the group, or I meet them in the middle of the night, friends keep interrupting while I attempt to increase the sexual tension with the woman (or women) at hand. It's frustrating, these women seem frustrated too, it's constant bombardment of males hitting on them and so I just lean back play it cool and reset as soon as I can. I also have to fix whatever my friends may have screwed up, it's tiring.

 

This weekend I ended up bringing 6 new girls to our group of friends, 3 of them asked for my number (I didn't ask) and 1 of them (the one I'm interested in) went further and added me on fb she didn't even have my last name but still found me, but I already feel my friends wanting to go after her (ultimately the woman decides) and it bothers me. It's not like they ever meet women on their own or bring other new ones to the group...

 

While I was with my ex it was a problem because without me they got 80% less play, even though I still helped out sometimes (because as a friend I want them to have success, but it did become a problem in my relationship... made my ex gf very insecure).

 

Many times in the middle of the night I have to just disappear from the group and do my own thing so I can get my game on because if I'm in proximity they'll screw it up. So I'll be with them 70% of the time and alone 30%.

 

I'm not sure how to fix this situation, it's like they're vultures when it comes to women and on the off chance they pull someone into the group, I'm polite, speak to them get them to laugh a little and let the person who brings them in keep at it. So frustrating ....

 

How do I solve this?

 

Note: it's not like these men are ugly, plenty of them are even much more attractive than I (Tinder can help gauge who the attractive ones are lol), so I can't understand why they can't do what I do...

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So you've got game and your friends think that just because you're just a 6 or 7 that they can cut in.

 

First thing to stop - bringing the girls to the group. If your friends interrupt while you're talking to the girl, that's a different problem. But before you've established she's yours, you're introducing her to your competition. Your mistake.

 

Second, your friends interrupt while you're talking to a girl. You need to put a stop to it, and you need to establish that you're the alpha to your friends and the girl. You simply turn to your friend and say with a serious tone "Pete, I'm busy here". He won't get it. He'll laugh it off. Repeat "Pete, I'm busy here". Then you just give him a look. If that doesn't work, walk off and leave him with the girl. (He might get her, he might not - if you're right about your friends not having game he won't and if you're lucky she'll come and seek you out after she gets rid of the schmuck.)

 

You might lose a few girls while establishing to your friends that the girls you're picking up are no-go but that's collateral damage. If you're such a player, it won't matter in the long run.

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How do I solve this?

..

 

lose your friends. Stop going out with them if you're out to find someone.

 

and I cosign what Toby says. You've got to act a little more assertive and put your idiot boys in their place. There's a reason why they can't catch without you.

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Those are not friends, they are a bunch of guys who are using you to pick up women and bring them to them, because for one reason or another they lack the ability to pick them up themselves. They are using you to do the work for them, and you keep letting them and getting frustrated.

 

I had a "good friend" like that, we were friends for 7 years and she was doing this exact thing. I was always the one attracting men, they'd come to our table (for me), then she'd start her usual flirtations and try to "steal" them away. If the guy I'd met didn't have a guy friend with him, or if he did but she didn't like him, she would go after the guy I was talking to. I let it slide again and again, telling myself that in a way she's making it easy for me to weed out the jerks anyway, if they go after her, I was getting frustrated deep inside just like you, until one day I had enough, said "screw that" and told her in her face that I'd gotten sick and tired of her antics and dropped her on the spot.

 

I suggest you do the same. Until you put your foot down and have a talk with your "friends" and tell them that what they are doing is called c*ck blocking and not ok, and you won't stand up for it anymore, they'll just keep doing it. If, after you tell them, they still invade your privacy and space when you're with somebody, then drop them, and find other friends to go out with. Life is too short to live with this kind of frustration and with this type of frenemies.

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Once you are past high school and college, you should STOP all these group hangs when it comes to dating. As soon as you meet a girl, ask her her number AND ask her out on a date, where you take her somewhere ALONE and continue to date her ALONE for a while until you determine whether you want her to be your GF or not. Then once she's your GF, you can introduce her to your friends for SOME social activities, but it should only be once in awhile at parties etc. rather than all the time. And if they try to move in on someone who is already your GF, then IMMEDIATELY drop them as friends.

 

Meet the boys for sports or 'guy' activities now and again, but DON'T make it a social activity that involves women. And if they pester you to go out with them to pick up women, just tell them you're not in college anymore and you don't want to hang out in packs trolling for women anymore. You should be meeting women, then instantly dating them one on one rather than hauling them to these group activities with your buddies. You're an adult now and these kinds of weird games and hanging out joined at the hip in large packs with your male buddies is a game for kids, not mature men.

 

If you meet a woman you know you're not interested in, you might introduce that woman to someone in your circle you think might like her, but otherwise you are not obligated to drag women into the cave for them to feast on... really juvenile situation and time for everyone to grow up!

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I guess i have been your friends at one point, and you in other points. My cousin is like a 5, but his social ability is infectious, he gathers up women easy. I always made it a point to never butt-in to any woman that hes been "working on"- but any friends who the center of his attention brings along, or a girl who doesnt know anyone (regardless if its his party or he asked us all out)- is open game. I remember one time my cousin was working on this girl, ... and i just snooped right in and got her number and he never asked me out again... there is no first dibbs if the girl isnt interested in you.

 

I have also been in your shoes when the vultures tried to take away the girl i am working on. I am literally spending my night with her, close to her, even dancing close to her, i even have my face on her neck - and they still try to butt-in to get a dance - i usually take them to the side and tell them to back the f off. I would even make a remark if some dude tried to butt-in, or put my hands on their chest while i am dancing and shake my head for no. From that point on, none of my friends tried to step in. One time a friend took the girl i was with and only managed to snatch her up because he was on stage - once the song was over i told him off real bad that he ended up leaving the club - i really flip out with these fake playas who think they are hot shhht.

 

If you arent going to be aggressive with the other guys, then i would get new friends.

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Hi toby, I bring the girls to the group hoping they'll speak to the other women and not my target, hoping for a good wing(s)... (sometimes it's true that I don't have my target decided, but I still feel like I should have dibs). The main problem is the latter, when I am already talking to my target... I usually don't mind and don't care because if it's just a girl I find attractive it's one thing, it's another when I really hit it off with her and I see her as a potential mate, that's when it bothers me. I suppose there's no other way then to check them... I would love to avoid an argument over a woman, just isn't my cup of joe when I know I can just go and meet another.

 

 

 

Hey Kendahke I lose them while I'm out I don't go out specifically to find someone, it's a byproduct of the good time I'm having usually, but when women are present that goes out the window. It's like they turn into teenagers with raging hormones and the competitive instinct comes out in them.

 

 

 

Hi greta I appreciate the response, these people are really good friends, they go above and beyond to show me their friendship when it comes down to me (other than this). Some examples include going to find me work, sending me clients, being there for me and making sure I wasn't alone post breakup, throwing me surprise birthday parties, etc. Tons and tons of things I could say and vouch for them personally. But yes they are blocking .... and from the general consesnus is I'll have to have a firm talk with them or put my foot down when they try to interrupt... I just see it as such a turn off though, most d-bags and a$$holes pick fights or arguments over women and I'd just hate to be one of them.

 

 

 

I'm all for doing intimate dates, but when you're in a bar / club, you don't exactly have that option and when a friend sees you with women... they want in on the action too, or they want to feel cool or not alone, so what do they do? they barge in on the convo, I have no problem including others in the conversations, they're all funny people and I can play jokes off them, it's nice and fun to do so, but it gives way to them to take "my girl" or screw it up majorly (which is fine if it's an innocent mess up and not sabotage)

 

 

 

What you say is spot on, see woman who are attracted and aren't my target is all fair game, also if they're not interested in me ... fair game, I could care less. I went out two nights this weekend and on the first night one friend did exactly this: and i just snooped right in and got her number and he never asked me out again...... I had grabbed the women's table and put it next to us and I was the one talking to them and involving the whole group... I asked him "dubya-tee-eff man?" he said "ultimately in the end the woman decides" (I whole heartedly agree) I didn't go for her # myself but they do these underhanded things like "hey let's go" (get you and the group to leave) and then stay behind to get the # while no one is looking.

 

Also those "funny" jokes aren't so funny.. sometimes I think they're just so clueless and they want to help with good intentions but they just don't know how. I'm pretty passive and diplomatic, I don't want to flip out because I am downright SCARY if I do.

 

Note: With all that said I know this won't happen with my friends but I have been jumped by people (yes more than one person at a time not just a fight) multiple times because a woman has chosen me over someone else (I've even had to go to the hospital). I guess this in part makes me afraid of being assertive over a woman I just met because I don't find arguments over one worth it, especially if it can ruin a friendship where everything else is good. (I don't enjoy fights or look for them, I always ask if they have a boyfriend if things go well or I'm polite if they reject me, I have no reason to get myself in problems)

 

Note 2: I'm the youngest in the group... I'm 23 everyone else is 25 to 28

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To me its not the woman, its the dude stepping on my toes. I care a flying fart about some random girl in a club, its the fact the dude picked me off and thinks he can get away with it. There was another time i was making out with some girl i met - which is a rare thor momment, she was hot and she was all over me, i felt a friends hand grabbing her hand, i took his hand and swapped it away, then snuffed his face back. These are one the things that make me so angry - maybe i have some ancient genes from caveman days in me, but i explode.

 

I just advise you to hang out with them until you can make better friends, or annoy some of them in the group that they wont interfere with you- but play nice with the guy that coordinates the get-togethers.

 

When i snooped in, my cousin didnt have a chance - plus we had a stare-off. I dont usually go up and chat, i just look, stare, smile - then approach and tell her she looks very beautiful and i would really like to have her no number in hopes that i can get to know her better - then i leave, and shoot a few stares back just to assure her that i am not seeking out other numbers.

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Hey Kendahke I lose them while I'm out I don't go out specifically to find someone, it's a byproduct of the good time I'm having usually, but when women are present that goes out the window. It's like they turn into teenagers with raging hormones and the competitive instinct comes out in them.

 

Somehow, they're able to find you and are able to pry the girl away from you... what you go out to do is immaterial--the deal is that when they are around, you have to do battle with the three stooges for her attention.

 

You're going to need to either figure out a way to make yourself scarce when you're talking to a girl; do, as Toby said, tap into your alpha male on them; or drop them and find mature friends who don't act like silly teenagers who've never seen a girl before.

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Whoa hold up Romeo's, while it's good to have confidence with the ladies some of you in this thread come off as well.... If your so good with the ladies wouldn't they choose you instead of your friends? Seems like a extraordinary amount of but hurt going on by some of you guys. I'm just saying....

 

You don't actually own these ladies, they are not your slaves. They can talk to whoever they want if they are single, including your friends if you haven't made it clear that she's the one for you tonight. I think your problem is that you need to make it clear to these girls and your friends especially, that you LIKE the girl. Do this before you go out for the night. That way they know what's up, you know what's up and she knows what's up.

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Whoa hold up Romeo's, while it's good to have confidence with the ladies some of you in this thread come off as well.... If your so good with the ladies wouldn't they choose you instead of your friends? Seems like a extraordinary amount of but hurt going on by some of you guys. I'm just saying....

 

You don't actually own these ladies, they are not your slaves. They can talk to whoever they want if they are single, including your friends if you haven't made it clear that she's the one for you tonight. I think your problem is that you need to make it clear to these girls and your friends especially, that you LIKE the girl. Do this before you go out for the night. That way they know what's up, you know what's up and she knows what's up.

 

No one ever said they choose my friends... as a matter of fact they don't, and I'm collateral damage because they screwed it up and made it awkward along the way so the woman aborts the conversation and goes away to some other men.

 

It's obvious we don't own them, no one's implying that neither, however if i pick X and everyone knows even if X goes to talk to them I'd expect them to either help me out, avoid the situation, or if I give them the go ahead seeing I have 0 chance to then go for it themselves that is if I'm the one to pull them.

 

That's what wings are for.... besides I can't know if I LIKE the woman before I go out.... I haven't met her yet. However if I bring someone to the group that I DO know before hand it's someone I'm not interested in, and I bring them purposefully for my friends. I wouldn't bring a girl I'm interested in and want to date without her being my gf no way.

 

I am slowly to bring up the collateral damage to my friends though, because it's not cool.

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Your friends just want you to do all the hard work cause they cant do it them selfs and dont have the confidence you have. try one night do nothing and get them to do some work and grasscut them see how they like it..

 

if i do nothing neither them nor i will meet anyone lol, pretty much how it works. with the girls i met that weekend we've hung out twice now in group, three of my friends are now hooking up with 3 of them one of which was my original target, but he did so after i went off with another (which was her friend). so it's acceptable i guess... they're now dating my friends individually.

 

this is the reason i don't get bothered too much other than when I really like the girl or so it seems (granted I can't know if I REALLY like her if I've only met her once). While I was the girl I went off with I didn't feel the chemistry while making out so I went solo, where i met yet another woman whom now wants to go on a date tomorrow (will we go through with it? I'm not sure).

 

But this is the cycle:

1. I meet a group of girls that same night

2. I figure out my target (or not) but since it's a big group I need a wing(s)

3. I introduce my friends

4. I pick one, and friends interrupt and/or sabotage (sometimes knowingly sometimes unknowingly)

5. I get upset

6. I let them have her because it's just not going to work

7. I meet another woman while they're still working on my old target

8. Everyone's "happy"

 

Until steps 1-5 take place again, maybe i should pick women in smaller groups, perhaps the environment (clubs and bars) isn't ideal, maybe i should just man up and tell my friends "no attacking until I've decided".

 

Though this time my friend did say "I'll back off if you want me to, I know you like this one", but since I went off with another I told him to have at it, so I appreciate that.

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