Does he just want to be FWB?

[Misaki27]

Hello! I met a guy in a club the other night. We talked a bit, then started dancing.

 

We were both a bit drunk and started kissing and feeling each other up. He wanted us to go back to his place, but I refused. We exchanged phone numbers, then I left. He called me when I got home, asking if I got home ok.

 

Yesterday, he added me on Facebook and we chatted a bit there. We made plans to meet up next Friday, seeing as I can't go out until then. We also chatted today, but we were both busy and didn't get to talk very much.

 

What do you think? I mean, I enjoyed the make out session and everything and I'd like to be his FWB. What would be the signs of him wanting more (i.e., a relationship)?

[annie24]

I think you should just talk to him. I mean, without more information, I think he too is looking for a FWB. But you can just ask him what he is looking for. If you want a relationship, you might want to hold off on being his FWB... just an idea.

[bbbb]

I'd just see how it goes

 

don't be so quick to label everything

[savignon]

I'd just see how it goes

 

don't be so quick to label everything

 

Agreed. He might try one more time to sleep with you and then disappear or he might start showing other signs of interest. Way too early to tell.

[ThatwasThen]

and I'd like to be his FWB.

If this was the truth, this thread wouldn't even exist and you'd be on your way to flying by the seat of your pants and you wouldn't care whether he wants more or not. You're fooling yourself.

 

If you want more (first you have to figure out what you DO want) then don't be his friend with benefits. Keep your interactions to outside yours and his home, go on real dates out in public as you get to know one another and don't give off the vibe to men that you're easy to lay. If he doesn't want to date you and keeps steering it to his place (you gave him the impression that that is what you wanted that first night so stop doing that if you want more) well, then... it's clear that hes just after one thing.

 

I'd just see how it goes

 

Don't just leave it to chance. That is what most men who want one night stands and no strings sex are hoping you will do.

[calichick007]

Based on your post history, you don't strike me as the type who could be FWB without getting attached/wanting more. Are you sure casual sex is what you really want?

[Misaki27]

Based on your post history, you don't strike me as the type who could be FWB without getting attached/wanting more. Are you sure casual sex is what you really want?

 

I'm not the type to have a FWB, but it's just that it's been a while since I've been in a relationship and I kind of miss the intimacy.

[ThatwasThen]

I'm not the type to have a FWB, but it's just that it's been a while since I've been in a relationship and I kind of miss the intimacy.

 

With that attitude it will be another while before you're in a relationship.

[ParisPaulette]

I think you're jumping the gun trying to figure out the motives of a guy you just met. Go out with him and see where it goes, take the time to get to know him--the good and the bad--and then you decide if you want a relationship with him. And if he doesn't want one back move on, but seriously it is way too early for that.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm not the type to have a FWB, but it's just that it's been a while since I've been in a relationship and I kind of miss the intimacy.

 

I'm not sure how you can find true intimacy in FWB's, versus a committed relationship. Then again, to each their own.

[Adama]

Well, I've never really done the whole dating thing. I've never been aggressive like this guy is and my few relationships (2 becoming long term and one of those resulting in marriage) developed from friendship and with time (actually, each time with the girl being the one pursuing it because of my shyness with dating).

But, isn't a guy starting to kiss and feel after just meeting a girl at a bar indicative of a guy prioritizing sex over finding a relationship partner? It's not the type of person that I am and thus difficult for me to relate to but sounds that way.

(By the way, though off-topic, OP that is the coolest (i.e., best) profile image I've seen on the site. Classy!)

[Dragunov-21]

If this was the truth, this thread wouldn't even exist and you'd be on your way to flying by the seat of your pants and you wouldn't care whether he wants more or not. You're fooling yourself.

 

This. By all means give it a shot, but be honest about what you're looking for or you don't get to be surprised when he gets with someone else down the line.

[louisecar]

It's way too early to tell if he just wants FWB. I had a guy feel me up and want me to go back to his for sex the first night and it turned out he wanted a relationship and we ended up going out for years after that. Another guy who acted the same way basically wanted FWB. So yeah we can't guess what he wants from the way he acted.

[Misaki27]

Thanks, guys, you were very helpful (as usual). I've decided to meet up with him in public and NOT go back to his place until I'm clear what he wants and what kind of person he is.

 

Also, thank you, bsgcic for the nice compliment on my profile pic! Made my day!

[Jennifer89]

Exactly, you are hoping for more. If you wanted an fwb, you would have gone home with him the other night. You want a relationship. Don't be too quick to label what you are, just go out with him again this weekend and take from there. Since you want more, I highly advice against becoming his FWB. You need to actually want JUST an FWB for that type of relationship to work out.

[shelty24]

It doesn't work. Unless you are a robot or seriously lacking in human emotion-you will get attached. If your having regular sex with someone-then your gonna get attached.

 

Don't lower yourself. Don't ever let a man use you. Be smart and find a guy who treats you like the sun shines outa your a**

[Dragunov-21]

It doesn't work. Unless you are a robot or seriously lacking in human emotion-you will get attached. If your having regular sex with someone-then your gonna get attached.

 

Not reeeally qualified on that front, are you? Having more than a couple of sexual partners, I mean? Ever been in a FWB situation? Because I can think of half a dozen people I know personally who are doing it just fine.

[Adama]

Also, thank you, bsgcic for the nice compliment on my profile pic! Made my day!

Sincerely (actually I'm pretty much always honest and sincere), your replied comment just made my own day -- being able to touch someone else positively is an amazingly wonderful thing. Thank you!

[Adama]

... Don't lower yourself. Don't ever let a man use you. Be smart and find a guy who treats you like the sun shines outa your a**

That's another great post. LOL. That definitely means he is in love! Is there anything better (for the guy too!)?

[bbbb]

Not reeeally qualified on that front, are you? Having more than a couple of sexual partners, I mean? Ever been in a FWB situation? Because I can think of half a dozen people I know personally who are doing it just fine.

 

but they're probably not likely to tell people otherwise, are they?

[Jennifer89]

Not reeeally qualified on that front, are you? Having more than a couple of sexual partners, I mean? Ever been in a FWB situation? Because I can think of half a dozen people I know personally who are doing it just fine.

 

That's what I was thinking.

 

If it's not for you, it's not for you. But that doesn't mean it's not for anyone!

[Batya33]

This is not about FWB -he's not your friend. He's basically still a stranger you met at a bar. If you want to be sex partners with him you can have sex with him the next time you meet.

 

Edited based on your other post - meet up if he plans a date in advance (or you do) that's at a public place, don't drink and don't meet him late at night. That will give a good impression that you want to date rather than have casual sex.

[Misaki27]

Look, I'm really not trying to jump to conclusions here, but it seems like he wants to know me better. He has initiated contact every day since we met.

 

Also, I'm not sure I want a relationship with him: there are some things that kind of hold me back.

[Dragunov-21]

but they're probably not likely to tell people otherwise, are they?

 

Yeah, because my friends totally feel the need to keep up appearances when it comes to their sexual activities that I don't care about... what?

 

If you're asking whether I agree that they'd lie about it if it didn't work out the answer is no, not really, as it would be a pretty stupid lie from five separate people and I try to stay away from stupid people.

[Batya33]

Look, I'm really not trying to jump to conclusions here, but it seems like he wants to know me better. He has initiated contact every day since we met.

 

Also, I'm not sure I want a relationship with him: there are some things that kind of hold me back.

 

OK well if he plans dates in advance and wants to see you in person about once a week then you will know that he wants to date you.