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BF wants to take a week's holiday to visit and go on a round trip with his ex


Whatzmyname

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Hi,

 

My boyfriend broke up with his ex 3 years ago. They were together for 6 years and separated because their romantic relationship wasn't working but they remained good friends.

 

When they broke up she moved to the US for work (we live in the UK). They have been keeping in touch through skype on a monthly basis (roughly), which she mostly initiates and they have met a few times when she was in the UK for a few days.

 

He is now talking about going to hers and go for a round trip with her for a week or so.

 

My BF and I have been in a serious relationship for 20 months and he hasn't managed to tell her about me yet (he didn't want to hurt her feelings as she seems lonely in her new town). She might have guessed from Facebook, although there wasn't any super obvious thing on FB until a very recent post (I don't do FB relationship status).

 

He told me that he is going to clarify the situation with her the next time they speak and tell her that he has a girlfriend and that he's not interested in re-starting anything romantic with her.

 

But despite this, and the fact that I think that he's not the cheater type, I can't help feeling very hurt and upset about:

 

1- The fact that he hasn't told her about me yet.

2- Him going on holidays with her (yes, I am jealous).

 

What's your views on this?

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I agree with mhowe. OP, I am very sorry for what you're going through, because it seems very unfair to you.

 

He didn't tell her about you because he didn't want to hurt her feelings? That would have been the dealbreaker for me. Your feelings should be more important than hers.

 

I understand that they have remained close but he isn't leaving any room for YOU. Again, I'm sorry & I wish you all the best.

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He told me that he is going to clarify the situation with her the next time they speak and tell her that he has a girlfriend and that he's not interested in re-starting anything romantic with her.

 

I'm pretty worried about the fact that he hasn't told her already (after 20 months of dating!!)

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He says he trusts me and that is what matters.

 

I actually trust him. But still feeling very upset about it.

 

He tried to tell her nicely but then she didn't pick the hint that he trying to tell her something. He didn't dare to force the information on her as it's not fair for her to feel bad that he has a GF and she hasn't got people around her in her new town.

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What is there to say nicely? How about, "Helen, I have a gf, she is awesome and we are serious about one another. We've actually been together for almost 2 years now."

 

I mean, if he can't say that - then i would really wonder if he is over his ex.

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He says he trusts me and that is what matters.

 

I actually trust him. But still feeling very upset about it.

 

He tried to tell her nicely but then she didn't pick the hint that he trying to tell her something. He didn't dare to force the information on her as it's not fair for her to feel bad that he has a GF and she hasn't got people around her in her new town.

 

 

 

ugghh its called being an adult...so not telling her is better..lets see how she acts when she finds out he has had a gf for 20 months

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I would say three words to him: Oh.h-e-ll-no. Oh and one more: goodbye.

 

There is zero reason for him to do this and no it's not innocent at all. Do you go take exclusive vacations with your ex and tell your BF you're going to do it? However if you're okay with it I think it would be perfectly acceptable for you to tell your BF, "Great idea, while you're gone I think I'll call up my ex and we'll take a road trip to Vegas while you all are off. BTW I haven't told him about us yet, but no worries. Nothing is going to happen, we're just friends."

 

See how loud he screams on that one. And yes I am being sarcastic. Seriously this guy isn't even trying to play you, but he's hoping you'll be gullible enough to accept his lies. Give me a break.

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Trying to please everyone isn't nice; its selfish and irresponsible.

 

I quite like this one too.

 

Welll, I am still good friend with my ex with whom I had a long and serious relationship. I meet him roughly every 6 months for dinner and email more regullarly (to say happy birthday, happy new year or ask for practicle stuff). Which is why I can understand my BF remaining friend with his ex.

But I wouldn't go on holidays with him as I think it is not appropriate EVEN THOUGH I told him about my new BF early in the new relationship and he is in a relationship too.

 

I wonder where to draw the line with the ex stuff.

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This whole week together was planned with her under the impression he is single. Red flag.

 

If she's really "that good of a friend" still why has he witheld such a vital important part of his life... His girlfriend... With her. There's a reason he hasn't told her and then went ahead and planned to visit her In another country while still not telling her about you.

 

I think he doesn't want her to know. Friends talk about their lives... How has he managed to HIDE a two year relationship from her?!?

 

Something is fishy and I think you'd be naive to see him off and tell him to enjoy his vacation. The fact that you see it would be wrong to vacation with an ex and good. The fact that he sees nothing wrong with doing the same is a red flag.

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