Selflove1 Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 It was only 5 days ago he was begging for me back, can't live without me, long essays over text about how much he's ruined his life! (Read previous posts) I've stayed strong and told him no. Not because I want to but because I deserve better to be cheated on with multiple children. Was told this morning that he was out with one of the girls he's banging last night. Obviously I'm upset but I'm not naive, I've obviously told him there's no way back for us so he's seeking comfort elsewhere boosting his ego, and it proves that I've made the right decision But all week he's been saying about contact with our kids today (Sunday dinner at his mums) when I get there at 1, which was agreed time and even confirmed yesterday (where he even asked to stay for dinner) and he's not there. I'm not surprised not the first time since we officially spilt at Xmas (he's been acting single since May but I didn't know) Just picked them up at 5 and he still didn't come. Phone was still off. I'm furious. I even went as low to send him a snotty message. I do nothing but try and make sure he sees them. Why is he so selfish? How can anything be more important than seeing our children? When they do see him he acts like he hates himself, and he's full of regret and the hurt in his face from all the damage he's caused. And I'm so angry with myself for believing all those long text he sent about not being able to lose me ect It's really getting to me how little of an effort he makes when all I am is civil and accommodating. I do want to start being one of those awful woman that use their children to hurt the ex but it's not me, but he's starting to push me to want to be like that. I'm just so angry!!!! How dare he!! It's one thing to treat me like this but to let down two small children that dote on him, why?? How can he just pick them up whenver he pleases? He works out of town all week, surely he'd want to spend time with them, but no he's out all weekend banging women and doing drugs. I'm just so mad!!! Absolutel w****r !!! Link to comment
Selflove1 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Share Posted January 19, 2014 Multiple women NOT children!!! Typo!!!! Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Time to get the lawyers involved. Use your anger to begin documenting his lack of involvement. Do not use the children as pawns...instead of saying "dinner with h daddy"....just say dinner with grandma. You need to protect them for a bit and manage their expectations. Link to comment
Selflove1 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Share Posted January 19, 2014 Unfortunately/gratefully were not married. I could go through courts so he can have access for boys? But that seems so drastic, I don't think I'm ready for that. Then again what's it gonna take an how far will he have to push me for it to come to that??! I'm so messed up cos I stupidly still love him and stupidly still have hope he will try to be a good dad, it makes me so angry at myself! Link to comment
Selflove1 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Share Posted January 19, 2014 Think that's a good idea about limiting their expectations, and documenting. Thank you Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 You do not have to allow him access...until he takes you to court! Tell him today was Strike #1. That you will expect him to show up, not hung over...when he says he will. And that after #3 strikes...he will need to petition the court to get access and that you will tell the kids that daddy had to take a trip. My dad traveled internationally when I was a kid...he would be gone six weeks at a time. My mother managed our expectations so we got used to it. Make it clear that you will not allow him to destroy their self esteem by promising to show up and then bailing on them. Link to comment
Selflove1 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Share Posted January 19, 2014 Thanks I will do that. No I just have to deal with my emotions on the matter Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 See your lawyer and look into getting court-ordered visitation hours. Mhowe actually outlines a very good plan and I've seen variations on that used to reign in an ex-spouse who's being a jerk where their kids are concerned. It's usually not that they don't want to spend time with their kids, but they are passive-aggressively trying to get back at their ex-spouse. Not surprising that a chronic cheater would use his kids to "punish" you, so don't let him. Get the courts involved and let him see that you won't play that game. Link to comment
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