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Hi All,

 

I haven't been on here in a long time. But I thought I would come back and provide an update, as when I was going through a hard time with my break-up, they were the things I wanted to read, but not many people came back and posted once they were 'healed' or had gotten back with their ex/moved on and I know posts like these can help when youre feeling low.

 

I was a mess when myself & my ex split up. Dont doubt that, don't think that because I have managed to get over it that its because I'm somehow stronger than you in any way. I felt like there was no hope for me, and that anyone who managed to move on was somehow different than me, better in some way, and that I never would.

 

I came on here desperate to read posts about reconciliation, and I clung onto that hope for a long time. I think it's natural to do so, and I think its a phase we all have to go through. But it will pass.

 

I've read a number of times the theory that it takes half length of a relationship to get over it. Not true for everyone - but probably pretty accurate in my case. My relationship was three years long. Thats not to say I was a complete heartbroken mess for one and a half years, I dated - but my heart was never really in it, I couldn't be bothered in some ways, until probably around this mark when something clicked and I felt emotionally ready to be in a relationship and actively wanted to pursue this possibility.

 

After my break-up I allowed myself time to sulk, time to mope and then I decided to pick myself up. No contact is banged on about, but it really was the key for me. Especially looser definitions of contact, like viewing their Facebook page and things like that. Just because you may not be talking to them, it still delays your progress. I completely cut myself off from any of that, never viewed anything like facebook, twitter etc. and I really think it helped significantly.

 

I also threw myself into seeing and doing the things I'd wanted to do for a long time but never got round to. I travelled to some of the places I'd wanted to all my life, i've skydived, taken up new hobbies and done a ton of other stuff I'd always liked to have done but never had the time/motivation to do when I was in a relationship. If I'm really honest with myself, if I had stayed in that relationship I would have never done and seen the things I have in the past year, memories i will absolutely cherish forever and what have made me into a better person.

 

As for my ex - we haven't gotten back together. For a long time all I ever wanted was her to come back and say she had made a mistake, but now I have no interest whatsoever. Out of curiosity - because I was posting this on here - I decided to have a little nosy at her FB page - back when we first split up I felt that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and my heart raced when I viewed it, the feeling lasted for days. Now - nothing. She is just a person. They say hate is the opposite of love, but its not - its indifference, and I think that feeling is when you know you're over it.

 

And now - I'm in a new relationship and completely in love with someone who is completely in love with me. I'm just going with the flow and enjoying it, who knows how it'll pan out - I hope it lasts a long long long long time. But I now know that i'm a strong person and whatever happens I will be okay. So will you.

 

I hope this helps someone. Sorry if there is any spelling errors or anything doesn't make sense, I just wrote it as it came into my head and haven't proof read!

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Very good, Neo.

 

Yes, we all heal & work on accepting at our own pace. No, it is NOT easy.

A lot of time & emotional energy goes into dealing with a 'loss'. Over time, i think it's 'frame of mind'. Because, as time goes on.. we do come to see things in a different light.

 

We do come to accept our loss, even though we're still hurting inside. We also come to see who they really are and the reasons things came to an end.. after months and months of pain & confusion.. denial, etc.

 

I am on month 9 of a 5 yr relation. I hit rock bottom this last year, it has taken it's toll on me. It will take time... one day at a time.

 

Thank you for what you've said here. All in sensible and helpful.

 

tc

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