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When he is taking too long to ask you on 2nd date


quiddy

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Met a guy online. It took him about a month to go on a date with me. We started messaging in December, then moved to whatsaap where we texted each other every 2-3 days. Then he asked when I was free for a drink and I basically scheduled that for last Saturday .

So , we met up. Went for drinks. I liked him cos he was not touchy like other guys. He was well behaved and we talked for like 4 hours. We went to the train station and just a quick kiss on the lips. No tongue haha

He said he would text me.

 

He texted 10 min later. We exchanged messages and he said he had a really good night. I said the same . He messaged on Sunday , we exchanged messages, same Monday and Tuesday . On Tuesday one message said " I think we should meet up again if you are around" I said yes , that would be great , I can't do Saturday though cos I'm having a staff party ( our firts date was on Saturday ) he texted me saying " that's ok, I can't do Saturday neither cos it is my brothers birthday but we will sort Sth out.

Then we texted Thursday and Friday , he never said , let's meet up on Friday or Sunday . Never scheduled anything and I think if he wanted to see me he would just say " when are you free or have you got any plans for the weekend.

 

I think that if somebody just texts but never schedules another ate it is clearly a waste of time. I don't need a pen pal. It is a shame co I liked him but his actions made me not interested anymore as I want someone who will show me they like me so I don't have to wonder.

Am I right to stop messaging him? He texted yesterday at 9:30 am and I replied 12 hrs later as I couldn't be asked . I hate when it happens.

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If your that interested in him. i'd give him a little more time. Give him a chance at this.

You never really know if the ball's gonna roll or not.. give it another week or so, to see if he offers another, I feel he might.

 

It does go both ways though, remember.

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I think that if he really wanted to you out again he would have asked me and would set up a date. Him jus mentioning he would like to meet up again and then doing nothing to make it happen when he knows my work schedule during the week and it is only possible for us to meet up on the weekend clearly sends me a message that he is only half interested.

 

I don't want someone half interested who will maybe schedule Sth for next week and then I will wait for the third date for another 2 or 3 weeks. He is 32 years old not 17 so I think he is capable of asking a woman on a date.

I'm not gonna chase him and schedule that for him cos it will get me nowhere.

I want someone who knows what they want and go for it, he does not know it

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Right Chr8st8na. He may feel like he's getting mixed signals or a vibe of disinterest from you and be hesitant to ask again about the 2nd date. If you liked him and want to get to know him better, ask him about 2nd date. It's not that much of a waste of time if it doesn't pan out.

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I agree with you and I have stopped contacting guys in the past because of that. It's a matter of wanting someone who can put in some effort. As you said, he knows your schedule, it's not like you work random hours and he can never be sure when you're free (although, even in that case, he could ask).

I don't see any mixed signals..you agreed to meet and you specified you can't do it on Saturday and explained why. Next logical step for him would be to ask about Friday or Sunday. He's either half interested, as you said, or the sort of guy who expects the girl to ask him out. Some women are fine with that. Some others aren't. Personally, I think that a guy should ask a girl out for the first few dates. After a connection has been established, I don't mind initiating myself.

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I agree with you and I have stopped contacting guys in the past because of that. It's a matter of wanting someone who can put in some effort. As you said, he knows your schedule, it's not like you work random hours and he can never be sure when you're free (although, even in that case, he could ask).

I don't see any mixed signals..you agreed to meet and you specified you can't do it on Saturday and explained why. Next logical step for him would be to ask about Friday or Sunday. He's either half interested, as you said, or the sort of guy who expects the girl to ask him out. Some women are fine with that. Some others aren't. Personally, I think that a guy should ask a girl out for the first few dates. After a connection has been established, I don't mind initiating myself.

 

Or what if he's shy? Maybe he feels like he's getting mixed signals. Since he asked you out, how about countering with a day that works for you?

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I kind of agree... if you say no i cant do this day, at least suggest another date. Then the person feels like they are doing all the work or planning. Just from my experience, guys want to see equal effort. But 12hours no phone? So you cant even use the bathroom and sneak a text??

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He didn't ask about Saturday and she said she couldn't. If that was the case, yes, she should suggest another date. He didn't suggest ANY day. He just said 'let's meet sometime', basically.

She was the one who mentioned that she couldn't do Saturday (as she would be busy) and he said he couldn't do Saturday either and 'we'll sort something out'.

Well, 'sorting something out' isn't what I call being asked out on a date by a guy who's interested in you.

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Thank you missmarple

Yes next logical move would be asking if I was free on Friday or Sunday . The best relationships are always with guys who are consistent and put effort from the beginning . If he is not putting any effort and is not making the best impression after one date then he is gonna be even worse after like 3 months of dating.

 

He is not getting any mixed signals. I was consistent in my messages for the whole week. Was texting him first as well from time to time so he didn't have to wonder if I liked him. So it was not contact only initiated by him making him feel he had no idea if I accepted a second date. We joked a lot as well so he felt comfortable texting me.

 

Every time I got a message I was messaging back after a short time. 12 hours later reply was only yesterday when I just got fed with him messaging back and fort for a week when it just leads nowhere. I'm not one of these who like messaging for weeks/ months without seeing the person.

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Yes, just texting is a waste of time... it's the 'little black book' of modern relationships... he may be texting a lot of girls for all you know just to keep you on a string in case he decides he wants to see you or someone else isn't free...

 

My suggestion is next time he texts, just say, do you want to meet up this weekend? See what he says. If he continues to be vague or doesn't set up a date, then you can tell him you're not into texting relationships and want someone to actually see and date, and if he's not interested in that, then you should both just move on.

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Yes, just texting is a waste of time... it's the 'little black book' of modern relationships... he may be texting a lot of girls for all you know just to keep you on a string in case he decides he wants to see you or someone else isn't free...

 

My suggestion is next time he texts, just say, do you want to meet up this weekend? See what he says. If he continues to be vague or doesn't set up a date, then you can tell him you're not into texting relationships and want someone to actually see and date, and if he's not interested in that, then you should both just move on.

 

I would write less ....simply "I don't have much time to text these days - if you want to make a plan to meet in the future let me know and hopefully we can make a plan then".

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Ok makes sense why you waited 12hrs for a response but yea I would have done what Batya said, just so it doesnt make you look passive aggressive... Im sure he has a sense your pulling away and could have coughed up a 2nd date and time. But chose to keep texting you about nothing interesting happens ... but then again there are some really shy guys that have such a hard time because they are afraid (but then again he isnt one of those guys)

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