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Should I have the talk with her?


abysmal

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There's someone who has been in my life for some time now, and in recent months we've grown closer. Mutual acquaintances have said that we should date - both to me and to her separately. She has told me, though, that she isn't quite sure she could see herself being romantic with me, with our friendship being as strong as it is, that we might get along too well (not a recent conversation). And yet here we are since that point, and we each have the other's number, we both share secrets and facts about our life, we trust one another well. And she spends one-on-one time with me. Essentially, we are pretty close.

 

Now, I think I've developed feelings for her over time (this wasn't initial infatuation from the get-go), and I think she deserves to know, at least. I've pressured her about the men in her life and she wouldn't reveal anything but she said that she was "keeping her options open." So I wonder if I am one of the guys she spends her time with, could she be testing the waters with me, perhaps? We are to spend some time together on MLK day when the college is out, and I don't know if I should say something then, because I can't harbor these feelings forever; it's tearing me up inside.

 

I don't know if I should confess or ride things out for a while and see if things change - the latter might be a more reasonable approach, but I won't get the gratification I need of getting this off my chest. So I just want to tell her how I feel, basically more or less by saying this: "We don't have to put any labels on this or make anything official, but If you're willing to try and see whether you and I could have chemistry together, I would be willing to as well, and if not, we could remain friends.

 

Am I doomed?

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If there's another guy she's either with was recently with or wants to be with your hurting yourself and her a lot, it WILL be pressuring if you tell her that and if she is with or was recently with another guy she may not have had time to heal from her or other relationship or may be having second thoughts. Sorry this may not be what you want to hear but its the truth.

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If she's keeping her "options open," then to put yourself out there as you suggest would be romantic suicide. She will have you by the sack and play possum with you. You'll always find yourself second to some other guy. Whenever he's not around, she'll move you back to the front of the line just to put you back on the bench. Don't do it.

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I recently told a guy that I had deeper feelings for him and asked him how he felt about me. That was almost a week ago and I haven't heard from him since.

 

There's a bigger story here, but I don't want to hijack your thread. My point is that I felt the need to say how I felt and I don't regret saying it, however now I am trying to cope with the fact that we may not ever speak again and whatever it was that we had for 2 years is over. Can you handle that?

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Guys do themselves such a disservice when they hold feelings inside in times like these. If you don't let her know your feelings eventually, you'll always wonder "what if?" Live life with no regrets. And now is as good a time as any to let her know. Either she'll be on the same page with you and you can try things out, or you'll be able to free up your time and yourself emotionally to go find someone who is. You have only so many days left on this earth, use them wisely.

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Guys do themselves such a disservice when they hold feelings inside in times like these. If you don't let her know your feelings eventually, you'll always wonder "what if?" Live life with no regrets. And now is as good a time as any to let her know. Either she'll be on the same page with you and you can try things out, or you'll be able to free up your time and yourself emotionally to go find someone who is. You have only so many days left on this earth, use them wisely.

 

true.... but i think he has voiced his interest and she shot him down (yes keeping her options open is blatant rejection)... just saying you can try it again but bringing it up a 2nd time might risk the friendship this time. BUT then again, if you dont mind risking your friendship (esp if you r in love with her already) might be best to just risk it. If you get shot down again at least you know you will need to move on and that can only happen if you and her go your separate ways. Good luck

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if she had romantic feelings for you she would never say 'i am keeping my options open.' i think if you utter what you just typed out... you might be sabotaging your friendship with her.

 

true.... but i think he has voiced his interest and she shot him down (yes keeping her options open is blatant rejection)... just saying you can try it again but bringing it up a 2nd time might risk the friendship this time. BUT then again, if you dont mind risking your friendship (esp if you r in love with her already) might be best to just risk it. If you get shot down again at least you know you will need to move on and that can only happen if you and her go your separate ways. Good luck

 

I agree with Christina on this ... I think you have expressed your interest and she has shot you down. I have had the experience of rejecting a male friend, getting comfortable, and having him try again months down the road. I was so annoyed I actually (accidentally) said: "Ugh" (in disgust) outloud.

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