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Afraid of starting a job after my degree


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Hello everybody! I'm sorry that I'm starting with some background but I think it's needed

My name is Neil, and I'm 26 y/o. I played piano when I was 4 and moved on to play saxophone when I was 11. I also draw a lot and love computers. I know how to keep myself busy and I always have some bands I play with and activities I do at my spare time.

 

I studied Bioinformatics (Computer Science mixed with Biology) and it was very hard for me. Now, I finished all my obligation I needed to finish my degree expect one (which means I'll have to do a 4 points course next semester) (in Israel you have to go to the army for 3 years after high-school so that's why I finished only now). I started the course on this year's 1st semester, but the teachers were awful and didn't follow any textbook. After a long time trying really hard to learn despite the difficulties, I decided to take the same course the semester after that (with better teachers and a text-book to follow). So, I decided to start looking for a job (in programming) since I can manage one course while working. I told myself that work will be so much better than school. My free time will be MY free time. no more feeling bad for every minute I don't study. Also, I really like programming, so working on something you love sounds like fun, no?

 

So I sent my CV to several companies I really wanted to join. I got a respond from one but they looked for someone with experience or higher grades then I have. After some time I got a bit bored and wanted the process to move a bit faster, so I sent my CV to a "career looking company" (sorry. I have no idea how it's called in English basically it's a company who sends your CV all around). I got a call the day after from a start-up company. I got really excited and hoped it's the 1st out of many. Well, I went to the interview with them and it went great! But when I got home, I started getting anxious. Am I ready for this? Will I do ok? Will I be able to continue playing my music while working? I started thinking like working is the worst thing that can happen. As if all my time will be dedicated to work, I'll feel alone without my close friends (since I won't have time seeing them), and I'll hate my job.

 

Since then I had two more interview in that same company. and BOTH went great as well. but each time it got more real, I got more anxious. I decided to go back to a psychologist to help deal with the anxiety. It helps a lot. When I'm there there's always a breakthrough right before the times up. My therapist tried to make me accept that it's ok to "not know what you want". I feel fine while there (and he gives me meditation exercises to deal with the anxiety on a day to day basis) but the anxiety comes and goes all the time. ALL THE TIME. I'm tired all day from handling my emotions, from fighting with my stupid thoughts.

 

I can't understand this sudden switch I had! >_

 

The standard day for a program here is 9.5 hours a day. From people who studied with me I understood that big corporations usually keeps it from 9-9.5 a day, while start-ups got a more demanding environment so they expect you to stay a lot of days MORE than 9.5 days.

 

Right now my fears are:

1. What if I'll start working and will need to stop doing most of my free time activities since I won't have time to do them?

2. What if the work place will demand more hours?

3. What if I'll discover I'm lazy? that I don't want to do this? That I'm a weak person?

4. I'm really afraid the work will be so hard that every break I'll take will feel like I should have worked. That I won't have anytime because I'll need to keep on the daily schedule.

5. I'm afraid that I'll have to stop seeing my friends. I'm afraid my friends will be pushed in my life to a point I can see them once a week (meaning ALL of them together). I feel like I need their time with me.

6. What if I won't make friends at work? Also, I don't want them to replace my friends just because I spend more times with my co-workers than my friends.

7. I'm afraid I'll be so tired I'll stop watching movies, doing personal projects etc etc.

8. At work, my closest partner is my computer. IT never stops. It's not like working with people where a break sneaks in since people are sometimes late, sometimes just takes some time to understand.

9. University was tough, but when I felt upset of alone, I just texted while at class, or even decided to skip class. I feel like texting or dealing with things that isn't work-related will not be socially acceptable. Even if I need that break. I guess a 1 min. of time wasted texting is fine. but will that be enough to clear my head? >_

 

I can tell myself "EVERYONE did this move! Everybody starts working at some point!" and a lot of friends and family told me "work isn't full of work (LOL)! you have a lot of breaks". And I tell myself I can always leave if I don't like a specific place.

 

But The anxiety isn't going away. And I don't want to start working while I feel like this. I thought I might need a long trip to clear my head before I go to this next step in life. I dunno. I'm lost. And I don't know what to do -__-;;;

 

 

My friends and family is trying to help me feel comfortable in my own skin but I usually feel as if they think less of me because I have this thoughts. I'm starting to think everybody around me thinks I'm a spoiled brat for not just starting to work at the 1st place that accepts me as fast as I can.

)

I thought that since I had previously worked only in placed that had shifts and didn't work 5 days a week or worked in teaching saxophone and doing gigs, a good solution will be to first find a job NOT in programming. maybe a clerk or something of that sort. and start a little by little working more and more, moving out of home, and just after I adjust, start looking for a job in programming. Maybe this is getting me so anxious since everything is happening together and fast.

 

 

Please help me deal with this I would also really like to hear from someone (maybe someone who's a programmer) who might have felt the same and got over it.

 

Thanks in advance,

Neil

 

BTW, I'm not a native English speaker so if there are some grammar mistakes here I apologies. I did my best

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You are right...everyone does this....its called growing up! School ends and we all go to work.

You see friends and family on weekends. You play your music in your free time. And the more you work, the more vacation time you earn.

 

You don't give up a job opportunity because you "aren't ready," you will never be ready!

Just like you "had" to join the army...you have to work. It is the next step in the journey called life.

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Look for a thread posted by Victoria66 called My toolbox for anxiety.

Talk to your therapist about strategies.

 

Beyond the anxiety, your thread gives off a very strong "I don't want to grow up" vibe.

And instead of embracing your future...you want to keep the training wheels on your bike.

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^^^.

Read that thread.

Other than that, all I can offer is support.

I promise, you'll be able to handle the transition.

Just don't expect much during hte probation period as far as a social life & peronal projects are concerned.

It's extremely scary to work when you have little experience, but hey!

You GOT the degree, remember?

You're not expected to be the best @ your job & my advice is to play that card as long as you can without needing hand holding.

Co workers appreciate the new guy if he's likable... Not a know it all... Aware of his (low, lol) position.

You can do this,

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Beyond the anxiety, your thread gives off a very strong "I don't want to grow up" vibe.

And instead of embracing your future...you want to keep the training wheels on your bike.

 

Sorry to hear that that is what you understood from my post. Maybe I should explain it better.

I payed for my tuition by myself and I support myself since I left high-school. It's not that I'm not working. It's just that up until now I was self-employed or worked with bands. The working flow is completely different between what I did up until now and what's about to come. The big change scares me.

If you want, you can call it keeping my "training wheels" on. But why do you think labeling it like that makes it less scary? Dealing with growing up is scary.

I came here to get help on embracing my future.

 

^^^.

Read that thread.

Other than that, all I can offer is support.

I promise, you'll be able to handle the transition.

Just don't expect much during hte probation period as far as a social life & peronal projects are concerned.

It's extremely scary to work when you have little experience, but hey!

You GOT the degree, remember?

You're not expected to be the best @ your job & my advice is to play that card as long as you can without needing hand holding.

Co workers appreciate the new guy if he's likable... Not a know it all... Aware of his (low, lol) position.

You can do this,

 

Thanks for the kind words. It helps to hear some advise from someone who went through the process before. I will read that post!

It's weird how reading someone else's word about your situation can make such a difference

You GOT the degree, remember?

I guess the difference in my head is that the degree was all about me. If I f***ed up, it was my fault and the consequences were on me.

In a work place, if I f*** up, the consequences is on the company I work for (and me ofc I feel like there is less room for mistakes at a work place.

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You could also get a starter job, just to get your feet wet,

Something as simple as fast-food, retail, whatever, will give you a taste of what it's like to work with other people.

The working environment that working at home does not provide.

You'll get a chance to practice office politics.

I wish I did this, but I was a bit of a brat & never worked (didn't need to) so when I finally got a good job I MESSED it up.

There were so many little things I didn't know how to handle.

I had no experience on how to deal with other co workers because in uni? You're right... It was all about ourselves, lol.

This way, there's not pressure because if you quit, get fired, whatgever, who CARES, lol?

It doesn't need to go on yoru CV...It's just practice.

Personally, I think the hardest part about work isn't the WORK... It's the people you have to interact with.

How to diffuse minor situations, etc.

Good luck,

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