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broke down and needed a place to vent...


saralovely129

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My partner of 4+ years and two children has no desire to make himself better. Slowly but surely I have tried to put my anger issues and my violent outbursts aside and I have completely. Im jealous. And im controlling. Im not perfect but I've stopped all that to save my relationship and family. I wasn't the only problem but i took It upon myself to start over and be better for him. Point is. I haven't seen any effort from him and when i try to speak to him. And have an adult conversation he gets upset like tonight. He left and was getting loud after I've repeatedly told him to try and control his temper with our kids. Our one year old peed his bed and he flipped out. I had to intervene before he makes my one year old cry for a natural and common thing. Hes raising his voice and being sarcastic and all im doing is trying to speak to him as calmly as I've ever been. Now if you know me I would have stood up stretched and took off towards the ignorant and beat his face in. But I changed for him. Ive been even more awesome in bed I've been making amazing food. And I've been pretty positive. Giving him space. Being ok with his friends coming over and drink and have a good time even though I have two babies upstairs trying to sleep to led zepplin and pearl jam playlists all through the night. I've been even drinking with him and I hate to drink. He like smoking weed for recreational reasons every so often. I partook. Things he likes Ive been doing to make him happy and keep him by my side. He won't even attempt to improve himself and his tendacies. He doesn't work or help clean. And I can't leave him with the kids he has the worst approach with disciplining them. Ok im done. Lol. Ah that feels better. This site has saved my life. I was on the edge of my seat ready to sprint after him past my front door and jump on his back and choke him. For putting me down so low for trying to express my concern for him and love. Im a good woman. And I hate feeling like im lower than dirt by him when im doing things to purely satisfy him.....

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Hi,

In ways I want to tell you both off.. sorry, lol

 

He does NOT work? He doesn't help you with anything.. cleaning? He has friends over with drinking & loud music.. while he knows your kids are trying to sleep?

 

And you... you bend over backwards now.. trying to please him & he's being selfish & ignorant by sounds of it! Taking high advantage of you all- I feel.

 

WHY are you smoking up? Why do you drink- if you don't even like to???

Do NOT go changing yourself those ways.. for HIM! You are YOU.. then be you. NEVER change who you are in order to try & please him.

Do you see any change from him with what you're doing.. to please him??

 

If anything.. the guy can be more 'respectful' towards you.. towards his family? I would seriously speak up about this.. his noise (music), especially!

Fine if he wants some friends over.. now and then. They drink etc. But NO reason for such selfish acts as the music.

 

I dont know? I do feel he is taking advantage of things more, now and he doesn't seem to care. To not feel like you can leave your kids in his possession in any way is another red flag! That's sad....

 

I think you should sharpen up- as you've worked on changing you ways. and he is not.

I still wonder, why he isn't working? He's being lazy? A low life? He's got a woman & two kids? Wow...

 

See where I'm going with this? If you two are so challenging together, things really need to change in order to have this kind of relationship going.

It'd be GOOD if he were to get his life in gear more. To get a job.. to help out in proper manner, to show some decent respect & try to work with you.

 

How about YOU suggest some changes and soon? Mention to him.. to either shape up or ship out. He can get his own place and live his life his 'preferred' way, he chooses, when single again.

That or work on this.. give this relationship a proper try- even counselling? He needs to back off a bit with his 'ways' and act like a proper father & spouse.

 

Anyways.. just a thought.

 

good luck

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