I just want to yell and shout at her

[Aaron Hodges]

Yeah I literally sent her a text before I went over to just make sure we were absolutely on the same page.

 

At least you were clear. Some people are very vague.

[cryingalways]

I don't understand sex for the sake of sex. Why is any person only worth one night? It makes me sad. I know people would do it because they are not over their exes and looking to "fill the bed" but it would not make me feel better at all. Just hollow and unloved. I guess you feel better for that time you're with them but what happens when it's over? And as you've said it just made you realise what you had with your ex. I know I would cry if I slept with someone just for the sake of it now. I want someone who loves me, perhaps more than I did before my last relationship. And that does not come easy or just for one night.

[Aaron Hodges]

Yeah, can't say I have ever done anything like it before, and tbh I probably won't be doing it again! I realised afterwards that I'm not that kind of person. But I was just so messed up after everything, I was questioning everything about myself. And I really just wanted to have some fun with a girl again (thus the carnival and rides).

I don't really regret doing it, it was a new experience. But I definitely confirmed for myself I'm just not really that sort of guy that's satisfied with just sex

 

 

I don't understand sex for the sake of sex. Why is any person only worth one night? It makes me sad. I know people would do it because they are not over their exes and looking to "fill the bed" but it would not make me feel better at all. Just hollow and unloved. I guess you feel better for that time you're with them but what happens when it's over? And as you've said it just made you realise what you had with your ex. I know I would cry if I slept with someone just for the sake of it now. I want someone who loves me, perhaps more than I did before my last relationship. And that does not come easy or just for one night.

[cryingalways]

It was probably a good distraction and boosted your ego. I hugged an ex of mine in bed because I wanted human contact. But the buzzy feeling I had from it went soon after when I remembered I ended it with that ex and he hit me afterwards. The shock of the dangerous situation I had gotten myself into struck me pretty hard and the he wanted to meet up and I said no and he still hovers around social events smiling at me....

Anyway I had a few other close calls with "the wrong guy" types who were flirting with me and I enjoyed it a bit but had no interest in them and smartly got away from the situations.

It's a hard thing getting over having no physical contact when you were so so close to someone. I have never been so physically close with anyone like I was with my ex and to have that just ripped away is unbearable. So yes I thought about filling that space with another person. Maybe I would have done if anyone who wasn't a **** had tried. But alas....

Anyway, the pain dies down. I'm not as bothered about not having hugs and kisses now. It's probably because your body starts to forget or something equally mortifying. Sometimes I feel physically sick about the sex we had though. The fact that I gave myself over physically so much to someone who clearly cared so little for me. It really upsets me. It's worse than the feeling of a one night stand I think. It's being competely used. He just wanted me as something nice on his arm, to show off...and then when I had my own life he was horrible to me and threw me away like I was a faulty toy. A "bit**" for not knowing what he wanted always, being a mind reader, getting sad by the constant abuse...just being alive really seemed to annoy him.

 

Anyway. Maybe one day I will have sex again

[Aaron Hodges]

I completely agree with the physical contact thing, definitely something I'd never had with someone before my ex. Just that feeling of being so close and comfortable with someone. And it hurts that much more that because of her acro with this guy they're probably already at that stage. Just one more thing to add to the unfairness of the whole thing.

Unfortunately, I didn't really feel comfortable at all physically with this girl when we went to bed. And it wasn't her, it was me. I just couldn't let my own guard down. Couldn't open myself up at all. That was probably what put me off the most, the realising just how closed up I've become!

 

That really sounds like a horrible thing he was doing to you I absolutely hate people like that, that trick and mislead people for their own selfish purposes. I'm glad the pain has slowly started to fade for you. I hope one day it will all be gone, and you find someone who will treat you right

 

I know it sounds awful, and I know it should be beneath me, and its probably just the anger talking. But there is a part of me that really hopes he breaks her heart.

[cryingalways]

Yeah thats a big part of me that hopes my ex is suffering. I know he does though, anyone who behaves this way suffers somewhere deep inside.

Its completely natural for you to say that. And in my experience these performers who work together relationships can end. When the performances end generally as theyre not in that world anymore. But who knows what will happen. Just try and think about your own future.

Trust me ive been to hell through this breakup. This man really did a number on me. But things will improve slowly if you let them they will do faster too.

I still dont fully understand what the hell just happened in my last relationship but i think it will become clearer over time and i should just get on with looking after myself. Ive lost a stone and a half in three months and people actually mention how much thinner i am. Ive nevet had an eating problem. But i know i want to get on with my life now. Maybe the mood will fade agsin and ill be sad again but im gonna enjoy it while ive got it

Yeah dont be hard on yourself about the sex. I never enjoy one night stands ever iy takes quite a while for me to enjoy it wirh someone and ive not had thsat too many times too.

But thats probably what my ex tapped into. Insecurity...wanting to be loved.

I was particularly vulnerable because of my brother passing away and he just exploited it to hell. Its my fault for not being strong enough to get away from him really but i was not strong.

[Aaron Hodges]

I think my ex probably feels a bit of guilt, and probably regret - although I'd say she regrets not ending things with me a lot sooner rather than what she's done.

 

I dunno, maybe it'll end, maybe it won't. They're stuck with each other for eight months. Whether that makes or breaks the faces I don't know. Wish I could get to a place where I didn't care though. I really hope she doesn't try and come and apologise to me while she's still with him. At this stage I keep reliving her on the phone, telling me they were together, being so sorry she couldn't tell me in person, saying 'its not like that' to my accusation that I guess they weren't just friends. It was just such an utter betrayal of that trust she'd asked for with him.

 

I've lost a lot of weight too, haven't been on the scales for a bit but last I checked it was 5kg. It wasn't even because I wasn't eating, more just stress I think. She was quite worried about me because of it the last time I saw her. More guilt I guess.

 

The last contact I had with her was an email a few days after that phone call. I explained as concisely as possible why I thought what she'd done was wrong, that she was no longer the same person, that I'd always love the person she used to be, but wouldn't be wasting my energy or friendship on this new one. And I told her good bye. It helped. At least I know that SHE knows its not just my jealousy that means we can't be friends. Its her betrayal of my trust.

 

I don't feel too bad about the sex. It just sucked realising there's a part of me that is so damaged right now that I really can't let anyone else in.

[cryingalways]

Yeah i think sometimes people just say anything to try and make their wrong doing seem ok. My ex said all sorts of lame stuff about why w should bresk up. I think he actually said similar stuff to whdn he did it oncd before. Like its his signiture stuff to say.

I have thought about telling mine how i feel but it wouldnt help as he is clearly deranged in some manner. Nothing would go into his head. Now hes been so abusive even whilst breaking up he had these moments where he'd act like the calm person when i was upset or angry. He is evil. He just wants the power.

I suppose at least you feel good about sending it, thats what counts.

You will not be ready to have a new relationship or be that close with someone. Youve been hurt and betrayed. Give yourself some time. We will bith grow from these experiences if we allow ourselves to heal. Become stronger. They will most likely not do this. Yours is Probably gonna hold a lot of emotional baggage from your relationship that will need to be dealt with one day and mine...oh god knows but hes not bevoming stronger i can tell you.

I had a dream i woke up in his bed and i really believed it was real. It was awful. I just have to get through this stuff though.theres no escape. I didnt feel right in the dream mind you,i felt confused and insecure about what he was thinking. I think i felt that way a lot. I just want to be over all of this too. So so so bad. But it will take time. And sadly not many people can relate to my situation ( at least offline anyway). So i just have to get on with it and try and understand it on my own. It is tough.

[Aaron Hodges]

Maan, I got so many different excuses when she first left. She kept saying she was confused. I thought I understood well enough what was going on, but there was always that niggling doubt. I really really hoped it was just my own paranoia, same as I'd been telling myself for months. I really wanted to ask her if it was him when she left, but I was too scared, and being honest she probably would have lied anyway.

I honestly don't know anymore how she would have taken my email. I used to think I knew her, but as I said in the email I now question everything I thought I knew about her as a person. I know she is very judgemental - hoping she turns that judgement on herself one day!

It really sounds like your ex is a piece of work! Its crazy having those sorts of dreams. I hope they start going away, it really does sound like your better off without him

Its going to be just so long before I can open myself up again. It'll take a while to muster up that sort of courage again.

 

Only had one dream about my ex since she told me on new years they were dating. We were still broken up, talking about things, and then I remembered what she'd done and we got into a big fight. Which is funny, because we never really had fights or arguments. We'd usually just lay down on the bed and talk about things that bothered us...

 

At least i'm not having some of the dreams I was after the breakup. Quite a lot of dreams that she was in trouble and I couldn't help her. A few that we were still together etc.

[cryingalways]

Yeah the ones when you dream you're still together are the worst I know...I have dreams that we have gotten back together frequently. I seem to be feeling more hesitant about him in my dreams though which is good I guess.....

 

She's very judgemental eh? Funny.

 

Might be projection. Judgemental people do that.

 

I've just noticed today my exes flatmates have both either blocked or defriended me on facebook. It's put me into a crazy spiral of confusion about why they would do this three months post break up. He used to make fun of his female flatmate saying her hips where really wide. Lucky her, being his friend now.

 

I got suddenly worried they might be dating but I really doubt it. Also his male flatmate blocked me too. He's a psycho though so I'm actually glad about that. I'm dissappointed in the girl though. She knew something was up with us, he'd always be telling me to do the washing up "jokingly" and I think she noticed how much I was doing for him. Anyway who knows what it means I'm gonna just put it down to me winning because I have done absolutely nothing since the break up to contact him or block his friends or show any signal that I am bothered.

 

Yes he is a piece of work. I think he's quite dangerous to be honest. He did not show mercy or sympathy when I was crying several times. Even when I was crying in the street on my own. He just sat there ignoring me. Then he called my mum and me asking if I was ok after having sat there ignoring me for ages.

 

I do not know what the deal is with him. He seems to just have to eventually hate his girlfriends and be overly critical and posessive of them until he dumps them. I was only ever nice to him, always. Then he has the nerve to say whimsical things like "we're just not getting on like we used to" when dumping me. Oh yeah and he listed all my many many flaws in a very angry mood just before that to rile me up to the point of me becoming hysterical.

 

The guy has some serious issues and i honestly think he just wanted any excuse to start a fight because he wants a fight. I think he would have hit me if I'd have fought back more, just any excuse to get more angry at me. And if he found any evidence of me having spoken with an ex or just walking past a street with the same name as my ex he would be angry at me for looking at the sign. It was really intensely crazy for a while there. I need to move on so hard!

[Aaron Hodges]

Yeah, glad I'm not having those dreams anymore. Must be the betrayal, or my mind realising it.

 

Yup judgemental, although my more emphatic personality had rubbed off on her a bit (and her judginess on me at times).

 

Wierdest thing is, I remember having a conversation with her early last year about this friend of ours. This girl been spending a HUGE amount of time with another guy, but she was already in a relationship with another guy (4+ years sort of thing). And my ex was SO judgemental of her, even though we both knew she'd tried her damn hardest with her boyfriend to make things work (couples councelling, talking about their problems etc, but to be honest I think the guy just wanted it to be over).

 

We both agreed that what she was doing was at the very least emotional cheating, and my ex said she very much believed emotional cheating was a real thing.

 

Which just makes it all the more confusing what she did to me. I honestly don't know how she lives with herself, but obviously she must be doing something to avoid the guilt.

 

When I found out I defriended her and just about everyone in her family (left a cousin and her husband that have always been very nice to me). If I was fb friends with anyone else that I only knew threw her I think I'd remove them too, just to make sure I don't go through the same thing you have! I'm glad I was the one to defriend her, because I think now it would only have been a matter of time before she did it to me. Despite all her claims of 'wanting to be friends'. I mean, she couldn't even wish me a merry christmas (Realise now that was because of the guy, stupid ***).

 

i had a bit of an epithany last night. Its her loss. Despite being undermined and destroyed at the end, I really feel I was a good boyfriend. I cooked I cleaned, and I did the best to spend quality time with her in the little amount of time she gave me. And at the end when she told me everything she thought was wrong with the relationship, I did my best to prove those things could be fixed.

She, on the other hand, cheated on me and ran off with another guy. Not only that, she's now with a guy that respects relationships even less than her. I mean I always thought he was after her, I just trusted she didn't feel the same way. And anyone who could take that attitude to someone in a serious committed relationship is not someone I would want to date!

[cryingalways]

Well they do say jealous people are the ones actually more likely to be the cheaters, could be similar to what she was saying to you about emotional cheating.

 

I had a good dream last night about being in new york. I am glad about this.

 

Well I defriended his flatmate pretty early on. He's just now decided to block me too. And I just didn't see the point in blocking the girl cause it didn't seem like that big a deal. I have no idea what all of that means. I'm "trying" to not think about it.

 

And my ex had a deactivated account as she "couldn't stand" seeing me talking to other men or just anyone online and was "protecting" himself. He hated me going on facebook to do anything. One time I put a photo of something funny we both saw together on a sign outside on my wall and he mentioned he had seen I had done this as if I had done something pathetic or childish or stupid. I was always childish or stupid it seems.

 

I'm glad you are having positive thoughts about how you behaved.

 

Maybe she doesn't know how to be in a long term relationship without jumping ship? A fair few people are like that.

 

Screw these exes of ours. Let's make our lives great. They will both most likely regret in some way I reckon. But we can never go back I don't think. I certainly can't.

[Aaron Hodges]

Glad to hear you've been having good dreams! These social networks are pretty terrible for breakups I'm realising. I'm just going to stay strong and avoid looking. Can't stand to see any pictures of pigface and that guy (gota knew nickname for her, simce she's not the girl I used to know). That would so destroy me.

 

I don't know if I'd ever take her back. Just the thought of her disgusts me right now. Like serious sick to the pit of my stomach sick. Maybe a year down the track of she came to me on her hands and knees. But that's not going to happen unless things go disastrously wrong for her. And things always go her way. Even then, what could she possibly do to convince me to trust her again? It's going to be difficult to trust anyone in the future, never mind her.

 

I've been finding things much easier thinking about it as that sweet girl I knew is dead tbh. The girl who left is just not the same person.

[cryingalways]

I understand the nickname thing

 

I've had a few for mine. Scum ex seems to be the latest one. I used to call him "witch".

 

It's funny cause we had loads of lovey names for each other too! He was calling me a little white rabbit the day before he dumped me...but nothing can be analyzed about my ex cause none of it makes sense he's just a nut or something. I've never known anything like it. I really hope I will be happy again one day. Really happy. I feel like I've aged from the relationship in some ways. Just because it felt like a lot longer than it was. I feel like I've gone through a divorce or something too because of how emotional it's been.

 

I just have this damn problem of going for bad guys. My ex has been the most traumatic experience of mine but I have a string of exes that were not good enough for me. I've done counseling and I understand why I end up with these guys and now I am aware of it and stop myself getting involved with bad ones but I just don't know how to find the good ones. I suppose it doesn't matter yet. I really need to sort my life and confidence out more until I can date someone. I'm just so lonely. It's a sort of numbness now. I can't even get sad too much now about it, I feel like it would end me so I have to keep it together.

 

But yes...I feel sick about my ex too. It's a nasty feeling to feel you gave your all to someone who betrayed you. Really, it's like being raped in some way.

 

Pig face is quite tame really. Sort of funny though

 

You can't be saying maybe you'd take her back but she probably won't want you back. Don't give her anymore power!

 

I understand though. I really do. You love her. But take it from someone who has loved someone who treated them bad for far far too long (and I still do in some ways), you gotta respect yourself and act with dignity and logic in these situations.

 

I still tell myself "oh maybe he'll come back in a year" and you know this isn't important. Stop giving them the power!

 

I kept telling myself I would have to leave my ex if he carried on with his really abusive behavior. And he did. So this should be it for me now. But no, I still think I love him and maybe maybe yadda yadda. But he's hurt me more than anyone has ever ever hurt me so I have to make myself stay away and move on. It's agony all the time pretty much but I've not contacted him in over three months.

 

I don't know how I will get into another relationship again at all. I think I'm pretty good though in many ways. I'm not arrogant at all. I just think I'm pretty unique and interesting and fanciable lol. But yes i have a kind of fear of men now. I don't want to be around any sexist men anymore. It's just so upsetting to me now.

 

Well mine was dodgey from day one so I don't have too much trouble with thinking badly of him. We just had such nice times when he wasn't annoyed, angry or in a general bad mood. When he was getting his way no doubt....

[Aaron Hodges]

She had a funny nose she was always insecure about, thus I reckon pigface works pretty perfectly. I always used to love my ex's nose, but I think it makes pigface look like a pig.

 

Its good to hear you're moving away from those sorts of guys. You'd be surprised how many good guys are actually out there, but they do tend to be a little shy I think! I reckon that's probably half the problem, all the good guys are too shy while the bad ones have no problem talking to woman. For me, I only met pigface when I stopped looking for anyone really. I'd just been rejected by a girl I liked a month beforehand and decided to give up lol. Wish I'd never met her now.

 

I know. I wish she didn't have this power over me. In a way at least there is no way she can get in contact with me without giving the power back to me though. In the email I sent I made it clear that I could never be friends with someone who could do what she had - whether it was deliberate or not. I told her I wouldn't be wasting my energy on who she has become. And I said goodbye. So I slammed the door as hard as I could bring myself to. The only way she could come back now would be on her hands and knees - and to be honest I don't think I'd want her. Not unless she could show me she'd really changed from the selfish pigface she became, and how can they ever really show that?

 

I'm just trying to put positive thoughts out there now when I can. That my life is going to get better. That I can make my work into what I want, rather than just a boring office job. That I can make more friends, do more fun things rather than sitting at home waiting for pigface to come home and spend time with me. That I can find a new, nicer place for myself and my flatmates to live. That one day this beautiful, charming, strong, kind, amazing woman will walk into my life one day, and I'll never have to think about that awful pigface ever again.

[Aaron Hodges]

God sometimes its just so awful, you just want to find some way to get even. But I just know that anything I do will bounce off her.

 

It's so impossible to imagine that girl I loved with someone else. How could that girl I loved have betrayed me so awfully? I just don't know. I don't know.

 

I don't know

[cryingalways]

Listen, just staying away is your revenge. It's mine too. It's a bold statement just staying away. They might not feel it's impact now but they will one day. Good people are hard to come by. I have always missed the good people from my past if I have left them.

 

Your first explanation about pigface made me laugh so much

 

Last time I spoke to my ex I said I wouldn't do anymore tours if it was hurting him and he laughed at me and said "yes you will". The power was completely on his side. I said I thought he was stressed and he was acting very angry and maybe in a few weeks when he has calmed down we could talk and he just said no and that he was stressed but no. Yet the day before he was begging for my forgiveness and saying he'd change....it just goes round and round my head I'm so confused by it.

 

I guess he was just gas lighting me trying to make me act crazy.

 

He's a horrible person.

 

Don't think about her loving someone else. Think about other stuff. We both should. You'll be ok, just take good care of yourself. Don't spend anymore time on her.

[Aaron Hodges]

Yeah, I feel kinda bad about the pigface thing, because I know she gets self-conscious about it. Too bad. I wasn't the one who went and cheated.

 

I hope one day she does realise what she's destroyed. I mean, I know I wasn't always the greatest boyfriend, especially the last couple of months when I could feel her slipping away (or more accurately, him coming between us). Sometimes I feel that because of that she left nothing for her to miss. Personally, she's left such a bitter taste over the whole relatiionship that it colours all the good memories I have.

 

God, it sounds like your ex was really messing you around. Sounds like a real piece of work. You're definitely better off without someone like that. Mine did some similar stuff at the end, but I think she was more confused than anything. That's what she kept saying over the last week we were together. I just didn't realise it was confusion about the other guy. Maybe then I would have been angry rather than in tears when she left.

 

Was going to go swimming with the dolphins this morning, unfortunately wind blew up so boat couldn't get out left me stuck at home unfortunately...