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What does he want from me? So confused....


Klara

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So I have this male "friend" that I am extremely attracted to. I have known him for about 6 years now. He is stunning and has an amazing personality. We met on a dating site, went out for dinner and really hit it off but he told me he was going to try working things out with his ex. About 4 months later, he called me saying that things didnt work out. We went out again but nothing happened after that. We have stayed in touch over the years with long messages and a date here and there.

 

Around October, he sent me a message. We chatted and he asked me out. We went out for dinner and I visited him at his place twice (we cuddled, kissed but I did not let him have sex with me) I felt that we were on our way towards a relationship. He went to the US (November) to have a procedure done to fix a herniated disk and ever since then, he hasnt been the same. Id offer to come see him but he said he felt bad for having me come out his way again. I completely understood and gave him his space in case he just wanted to be alone and recover. He asked me out for dinner a few weeks later but I couldnt as I had a work Christmas party to attend. I thought that he was ready/feeling well enough to hang out again so I told him I would be free the weekend after, he said he was up for it. The weekend rolled around and I didnt hear from him so I asked him if we were still hanging out but he told me he caught the flu. We continued texting. He texted me on New Years, we chatted but nothing since then. I waited about a week or two then asked him if everything was ok as I havent heard from him in a while. He said his recovery wasnt going too well etc etc.

 

Is he interested? Should I leave him alone? Do something? I really really like this guy....just not sure where things stand....

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He is interested in dating you casually and when it's convenient for him. It's good for his ego that you keep pursuing him and you're willing to chat with him when he's free. He's not that into you. After all this time I doubt it will change. I think part of what you like is how unavailable and challenging he is -that's what makes him so "stunning" and "amazing". I am sorry that it's so frustrating for you but I think in a way you use this as an excuse not to date men who might actually be interested enough to ask you out regularly and progress towards something serious.

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It sounds like hot and cold on a constant... It sounds like he might be with another girl or something. I am not sure though... The fact that he told you in the beginning that he went out and things didn't work out with them. That may be a lie. If I were you, I would try backing off, let him chase you. Also, guys like the chase, so if you take the chase away, they usually get bored. Sad but true.

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We went out for dinner and I visited him at his place twice (we cuddled, kissed but I did not let him have sex with me) I felt that we were on our way towards a relationship.

 

Three dates and some kissing definitely do not mean you're on your way to a relationship. Next time, give things 2-3 months before you even think that way.

 

As for this guy, he likes you as a friend and maybe as a f**k-buddy, but he's clearly not into you enough for a relationship. Skip him and move on.

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So I have this male "friend" that I am extremely attracted to. I have known him for about 6 years now.

 

wow, 6 years is a long time. based on what you've told us, i think he's not really interested in you beyond friendship, maybe an ego boost. I would stop waiting around for him, because i think that if he were interested, he would have made a stronger move long ago. don't wait around for him, try to see if he has any hot friends to date!!

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If it's been six years and he hasn't openly said "I want a relationship with you" it is time to get on with it and look elsewhere. This guy just isn't interested in anything beyond the hope that sooner or later he can get you as a friends with benefits. And when you didn't sleep with him and he realized you were becoming too attached he backed off. Again. But he knows you are available if and when it's convenient for him, so he keeps just enough interest in place with you to keep you on the line. And if you really looked things over you'd find he's likely got several of you or more like that.

 

Bottom line he isn't that interested and his silence right now is more likely that someone else has caught his interest. He'll cycle back around to you when and if he breaks up with the new girl. Not what you want to hear I know, but nothing you describe here shows anything but mild interest at best. That's not enough to base a relationship on or wait around since you can waste your entire life waiting for this guy and never get any closer than you already have, which is a makeout session or two with him trying to get you in bed. Not worth it.

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Thanks a lot everyone. Its so helpful and really opens your eyes to have others that arent emotionally attached to the situation to offer advice. So, I have definitely realized that im far better off without this guy. Next time he calls/messages I will just completely ignore him. I do have him on my Facebook. Should I just delete/block him so he knows that this "thing" of ours is over for good and he has no other way of contacting me? I think that completely cutting him off would prove a point and give me a clean break and no reminders...

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I can't tell you what to do, but i have been in your shoes before. i've had guys who have kept in contact with me for years, usually after some kind of dating/fling. they always keep in contact every once in a while (few times a year), but don't make a greater effort. obviously, it's like having a backup plan. which is fine, i get it, but they were not really being good "friends" to me, if that makes sense. you don't have to make a decision tonight about whether to delete/block, but it's an option you have.

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We went out for dinner and I visited him at his place twice (we cuddled, kissed but I did not let him have sex with me) I felt that we were on our way towards a relationship.

 

Is he interested? Should I leave him alone? Do something? I really really like this guy....just not sure where things stand....

 

Um, i think he lost interest by now. Sometimes things go so slow that eventually both parties lose interest, that is what it sounds like happened here.

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