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Should I help this woman get a job through my boyfriend? Please help!!


sadchick83

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Here is my dilemma,

 

I am in graduate school as a mature student. I live with my boyfriend who is very connected in the financial industry. A few of the students have invited us for lunch hoping to have him help them get a job... networking as we call it. It can be a bit uncomfortable, be cause they have an "agenda", but no big deal. I realize they only wanted to have lunch with him.

 

Anyway, in a casual conversation, I mentioned at a Christmas party that he was doing well and maybe I could help this particular 25 year old woman. Here is the issue: since then I have learned a bit more about her. Apparently, she is dating someone in our class who has a girlfriend! She dates many men especially one's she meets on line. She is the type of person who drinks a a lot, then brags about how little she studies, and gets A's. It is almost impossible to never crack a book and get an A, but you may have encountered a person like this before.

 

So now, she is hounding me for by boyfriend's info. His name, etc. If she googles him she will see that he makes anywhere between $3-7 million a year, since it is public information I realize I offered to help, before Chirstmas since we have a mild friendship, so I am to blame a bit. This was all before I found out she dates taken men, drinks, lies about studying, etc. I simply cannot allow her anywhere near his office as the wives would hate me if she tried to screw one of their husbands. Or, hook up with my bf. He has never cheated, but some women can be very aggressive.

 

I also have to study with her in group assignments, so I don't want to be uncomfortable. My boyfriend even said he could get her a job very easily. She is also a bit of a dope in that she knows nothing about hedge funds, although wants to work at one, has taken one basic finance course, and has no work experience.

 

How do I get rid of her???

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Have you spoken with your boyfriend about this? Leave out the personal information (ie: dating taken men) and focus on what you know about her as it relates to her ability to do the job.

 

I find it strange that your boyfriend seems to hand out jobs like candy. Normally when you refer someone for a job, you're putting your own reputation on the line. You don't willingly refer someone, and you especially don't hire them, unless you have some reason to believe that they will be of benefit to the employer.

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Yes, I have spoken to him, he even said he would hire her for a junior position. He is basically going on the fact that I know her. He is the type of person who is very helpful and happens to be starting a new company. I would normally focus on someone's talents, however, I am being blinded by the fact that she would date a person who has a girlfriend. And that she is demanding I tell him my bf's name.

 

I really just need an out at this point.

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Tell your boyfriend you don't think she has good work ethic. That should be sufficient. Do you want him blaming you for referring her when he has to fire her because she's been showing up to work hungover?

 

And next time maybe don't go around making promises you can't keep?

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Or you could add a little white lie to it all and say that you found out the job he had available has been taken. After all, are you really going to remain friends with her, given how you now feel about her?

 

And what they said about promising stuff before you know someone. Because I agree with you that if even half of what she brags about it is true, she'll be a total train wreck in his office. Let her go out on interviews and pull the wool over someone else's eyes.

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Thanks for the responses, and yes bekka2, and agent you are right, I should not have made such promises. I am to blame. I like to be helpful (with most people) and with the other people, there would be no issue, I just made an introduction during lunch and left it at that. And they seem like respectable people, who came with their significant others. This is business school, so we are heavily encouraged to network.

 

She is suggesting we meet for lunch (the 3 of us) to talk about her career, which neither me nor my bf have time for at the moment. So he has no way of knowing her, and honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she hit on him.

 

I know, Im an idiot. I am at the point where I want to say, "Now that I know you are a stalker-ho, I f'ing would not help you-ever!!"

But of course, I have to see this person almost daily. I have learned my lesson, but have to tone down my response.

 

If I say, "he doesn't know you" she will say, well, give me his email, and or we can all go for lunch.

If I say, he is busy, she will keep hounding me.

I would love to say (Lorem Ipsum) the job is taken, but she doesn't even know about the job, it was about getting an job at another company through my boyfriend.

 

Just need a good lie to get me out of this.

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Sorry, I spoke to my bf and he told me that he is not comfotable getting involved like that. I would leave it at that. If she brings up anything about the lunches with other people you can actually tell her that this is exactly why - too many demands from too many people and it's become awkward. He is not able to accommodate this.

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"My boyfriend said to submit your resume to HR and if they are interested, they will contact you from there. He regrets that he can't be of any more assistance to you than that."

 

If she persists by saying "well give me his email/tell me his name", tell her "no, I'm not going to do that. Submit your resume and if they feel you are qualified, they'll be in touch".

 

You don't owe her anything.

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Or a combination of the two: "My boyfriend has said that he doesn't feel comfortable with me being involved in his business dealings and has asked me to stop playing recruiter for people I know. Why don't you submit your resume to HR at companyXYZ and if they are interested, I'm sure they'll give you a call" Repeat as required because of course she's going to keep trying, she thinks you've got the inside track to a job with big cash. You're not going to be in school with her forever and maybe this is what you unfortunately have to go through in order for the "lesson" to stick. In fact, you may have to come up with some sort of a general statement to ward off all these "networkers" (whom I would call users) so that the next time you get a lunch invite that isn't for you, you can say "Oh, I'm sorry, but my BF is very busy. But I'd be happy to go to lunch with you!" Eventually they'll get the hint.

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Confused - how do you know she's a giant "Ho"? Did she tell you?

 

And yes, many people can get A's without studying, or studying very little.

 

Is this more because you are afraid she'll steal your man, or cuz you've come to learn she's as dumb as a box of rocks?

 

I wouldn't go back on your word - you decided to show off like a popular kid, and are now realizing you need to be diligent about it...I'd just say, "my guy said that he'll give her resume to HR, and let deal with it - cuz she could essentially still apply, and use his name.

 

Disregard her personal life - can she learn to do the job? And consider, if this was a guy asking you, and you found out his naughty boy behavior, would you still go back on your word?

 

Women need to look out for each other. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there for women in finance!

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I would talk to your boyfriend and make sure he is not offering to hire her thinking you know her/are friends with her because that is what it sounds like. Maybe a few classmates will submit resumes and he will pick who he thinks is best. I would not lie and tell him she has another job. Also, don't be afraid to express your feelings - that she is being a bit pushy and is making you uncomfortable. I agree that you should be good on your word with her if you promised to pass her resume along.

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Tattoo, yes she has revealed to me the number of men she has been seeing in since moving to NYC, with photos- one of an attractive shirtless guy, and numerous experiences with on line dating-- which is totally fine and her business, although she did share it with me. Am I threatened? Not really, but anyone, even Maria Schriver had her life ripped apart by an inconceivable tryst. If she was a guy would I do the same thing? I believe in judging a person's character A person who cheats, or chases a taken person only to be in 2nd place is not showing good "character." These traits can certainly show up in other actions. Was I showing off? Jeez, maybe I was, but generally I just like to help people.

 

You are right again about women in finance, but, I don't agree in helping people just because they are women. Again, I am the idiot here, this is my fault, but I came to ENA to figure out an exit.

 

And yes abitbroken, I feel bad about going against my word. Its not something I usually do.

 

Update: I saw her last night, which was weird because I had not seen her since her tirade demanding my bf's name/info. Instead of sitting with her girlfriends, she sat herself strategically beside the guy with the girlfriend and told an animated story about how a 45 year old male business student hit on her the night before at some gala, for nearly an hour --what she considered "sexual harassment." I guess she was trying to get the guy with the girlfriend jealous. My god I hope this woman doesn't blow her MBA with her boy crazy ways. And another reason not to get involved in an employment situation. If she was actually harassed, she should not be talking about it open mike style in a classroom full of people?

 

Anyway, thanks for the advice, I'm going to do what you all said and just say my bf isn't hiring

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Her perceived promiscuousness has nothing to do with how she would perform a job. I have thought some more and this boils down to you being afraid she will try to steal your boyfriend. Do you think that little of him? I think that you should not lie because if your boyfriend does hire someone else or you run into her while you are with your boyfriend, you will be caught in a lie. Sometimes its best to let people hang themselves on their own. Your bf will interview and decides she is a suck up or whatever on his own.

 

If you do tell her he is not hiring, then you need to talk to your boyfriend and tell him what you did because he might have been looking forward to hiring someone.

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Her perceived promiscuousness has nothing to do with how she would perform a job. I have thought some more and this boils down to you being afraid she will try to steal your boyfriend. Do you think that little of him? I think that you should not lie because if your boyfriend does hire someone else or you run into her while you are with your boyfriend, you will be caught in a lie. Sometimes its best to let people hang themselves on their own. Your bf will interview and decides she is a suck up or whatever on his own.

 

If you do tell her he is not hiring, then you need to talk to your boyfriend and tell him what you did because he might have been looking forward to hiring someone.

 

How do you know her promiscuousness was won't affect her ability to perform the job? It's often the result of some trauma or self esteem issue that could certainly effect other aspects of her life.

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How do you know her promiscuousness was won't affect her ability to perform the job? It's often the result of some trauma or self esteem issue that could certainly effect other aspects of her life.

 

She seems to be a good schmoozer that can immediately key in on the desirable person or the decision maker or who might be the tough cookie to crack - she quickly identities the guy with the girlfriend to see if she can crack that challenge. It might actually work in her favor if she is in the position to go out and win business or gain clients, actually.

 

What I meant was - she promised this girl and is now judging her as a "ho" so is renigging on it. Hopefully it all works out - but I think telling her boyfriend why she is uncomfortable versus just lying to the girl is better in the long run

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abitbroken,

 

I did mention this person to my bf before Christmas--to possibly help her out. I did bring it up again with him this week, and I did say that I was no longer comfortable (knowing that she is chasing a guy with a girlfriend whilst demanding his info) with her working near him or his male colleagues (who's wives I know) because she would likely hit on him and or them. I was honest about this to my boyfriend.

 

At this point, I do not feel like helping a person who hits on taken men, broadcasts "sexual harassment" experiences to get attention and be manipulative, and is angling to get laid when she should be paining attention in class. All of this came to light after I suggested I could help her. I am getting zero consideration here, and I take on risk if she screws up. Sometimes you just get to know a person better and I just don't want help.

 

Now if by chance I come accross a job that suits her, while concurrently she matures, I'd be happy to help her, but for now, she is too much of a risk to unleash on someone else.

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