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Ex is confusing the hell out of me, not sure how to think right now!


bison67

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So my ex gave me a devestating phone call a few days ago that you can read about in this thread from a few days ago

 

Anyways she calls me again the next day, i pick up and she said that she pocket dialed me, no big deal. She calls back agin 5 minutes later. She is extremely upset and crying and talking about how she is so upset and dissapointed in her actions since our breakup (sleeping around, drinking, not eating, not sleeping). She knows of her severve issues with her father that lead her to seek male acceptence in any form. She said she wanted to talk to me cause i am the only one there for her and that none of her friends truly understand her issues like i do. She is very very confused on what she wants right now but is sure its not a relationship for awhile, she has a new boy toy she said she will continue to be sleeping with. I feel so torn cause i love her soooo much and really enjoy helping her with her issues and growing as a person, i want us to be togehter in the future! She said she just needs this semester to be alone and discover herself and she would be interested in seeing me in the summer and seeing where things go. She also didnt understand why i just dont wanna be her friend right now... Which i think is unfair that i would give her emitional support but not getting the benefits of being her lover and partner. Im confused on whats going through her head and how i should feel! Is there hope to get her back? Should i forget about her? I cant get her off my mind at all! She is all i think about and i would do anything for her back!

 

 

Help Please!

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yeah im sorry man but she's treating you like garbage to her you're also just a "boy toy". but you're her emotional outlet while other guys are her physical outlet. What you're doing isn't actually going to help her heal its going to hinder the process, you need to love her enough to let go and let her fall down so she can see the storm she's making by essentially betraying you. I'd say you need to tell her that you need space to sort things out and that you think that's what would be best for the both of you

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Thanks everyone, these things are all so true yet so hard to hear. Its so hard to let go of someone who was so important to your entire life... But once their true colors come out it changes how you see them. Isnt 3 weeks a little to soon for someone to start sleeping with a few new people? if she truly did love and care about me wouldnt it take time to heal before she considered male options?

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She calls back agin 5 minutes later. She is extremely upset and crying and talking about how she is so upset and dissapointed in her actions since our breakup (sleeping around, drinking, not eating, not sleeping).

 

She isnt upset and dissapointed about your breakup, though? No mention of being sorry for what she has done to you? No mention of wanting you back, except a meaningless 'maybe in the summer' to prevent you from cutting the cord and moving on and being happy?

 

Cut contact. Dont be a soft place to fall, dont be her emotional airbag, dont be her back up guy, dont let her use you like this. She doesnt get to pick and choose which bits of you she wants, she rejected all of you. ALL of you! So she must suffer the consequences of her actions.

 

If you stick around she will just drag you down with her and when she gets her s*** together you wont see her for dust and you will feel soooo used and will probably end up in more of a state than she is now. I know you think its worth the risk, but its not. You will be scarred by her and could carry that baggage around for life.

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Well what me and my therapist think is that she is very upset about the relationship ending and is using these things as a numbing mechanism to feel good in the moment, but when she is alone she is upset and unhappy about it. She craves male acceptence and feels she didnt get it from me cause she did try hard to make me happy. Now any guy that treats her somewhat nice and pays a compliment wins her over. It sucks to think about cause i want her to be happy and for me to treat her well way more then any other looking to just use her for sex.

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She keeps saying she just wants freedom now and to think of herself, and that she doesnt want a relationship with anyone at all right now and just to have fun. Once she heals she said she will come back to me to see if i have changed and if she wants to give it another shot, she hinted at summer after the semester is over. Just dont know what to think anymore! Im clinging to the thought of getting her back so much cause i want it so badly

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Ya i am, and i am seeing one right now and it helps for me to vent and stuff. But havent gotten much help on how to handle this situation and stuff, the counsellor thinks her actions are extremely unhealthy and a mechanism for numbing her own pain.

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It also took her all of 1 day back at school to get herself a " buddy" when we got back. I didnt talk to her for 2 weeks but she called me and told me. Its a guy that was just her "friend" while i was with her, i was jealous and stuff and i guess i was right that she did want him. She says its not serious and its just sex but it still makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it and visualizing her and another man, keeps me up at night and on my mind all day....

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Because i know who she really is and she hates what she is doing right now, EXTREME daddy issues. I know its illogical why i would ever want her back in my life but love makes us think in such bizarre ways, we did have amazing times together and i fell for her very quickly and she did with me as well. She was a great gf while she was with me, but i didnt expect her to respond to the break up like this. She got much hotter while we dated and guys were all over her when she broke up with me, 8 guys asked her out the day she did it... She wasnt used to that kind of attention and said it feels very good.

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Take all the 'daddy issues' out of the equation and at the end of the day she broke up with you and is sleeping with someone else. This is reason enough that you should go NC and stay NC.

 

YOU need to deal with your heartbreak and heal, move on and find someone new because this ISNT the girl for you. The girl for you would never do those things to you, she would never have left in the first place.

 

If she needs help with her daddy issues, she needs to see a counsellor, not use this excuse to keep you there for her so she can use you as stepping stone to her freedom from you. You deserve better.

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