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hello,

 

I'm 18 years old

was raped at the age of 16 on holiday with a friend and her mum

 

long story short It was out first day of our holiday we were relaxing by the pool as

a man working for the hotels spa offered us massages I've never had one before so said no but was persuaded by my friends mum

later that evening we all went into separate rooms, The man called me some very nasty names locked me in a room and ripped my bikini off me and pinned me down

and raped me.

 

I haven't been the same girl I was since

nothing was done about this as it was in another country and the man ran away straight after

 

I've been extremely depressed

tried to commit suicide many times and have hideous scars on my arms

 

I feel so sorry for my boyfriend

he loves me so much and I love him a lot more

but I put him thru so much

he wasn't with me when it happened and he chose to be with me when knowing about all this

but I feel like I'm pushing him away and I don't satisfy him and he'll move on.

 

we have sex and I fake it every time

I don't understand how I haven't orgasmed once in the year we've been together

will this be like it forever?

 

 

I've had a rough life

as a child I watched and stopped my dad committing suicide, he's also a drug addict and doesn't care for me at all

I never really see him

his girlfriend has scitzophenia

tells me I deserved to be raped and many other horrible things

 

my mum had cancer too when I just turned 12 I had to share a room with her and a bed while she was going through chemo and I brushed her hair when it all fell out

 

 

I feel as if everything in my life

just keeps getting worse and worse? I saw a councillor and tried to overdose after as it was just too much for me

I have no one I can go too because I don't want everyone to think I'm getting bad again

if I overdose again they'll put me in a mental home

I'm not mental

I hear voices

and they tell me to do stupid things and I cry a lot but I don't want to go there.

 

 

sorry for my essay I just needed to let this all out

 

can anyone help me

does anyone know if this will get better

 

I'm only just 18 and my life feels like it's ended

I didn't have a childhood and I just don't see that anythings getting better

 

xxx

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You poor girl, I am so so sorry this happened to you.

How dare your friend's Mum let a stranger have access to you, she has a lot to answer for.

 

You need to get into counselling again to help you cope with these feelings. Is there a local women's centre or female Doctor near you that you can talk to?

 

Are you on any medication? You probably need antidepressants to help you cope with all the feelings.

 

Please go & talk to someone, and let everything out. You will never feel "whole" again until you do.

 

Sending cyber hugs to you ((( )))

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I am sorry for what you are going through. I know of a lot Of people that have the same issues as you and have found hope and healing through a program called celebrate recovery. Do a google search and put in your city. I am pretty sure you will find a meeting in your town. It's free. Best wishes LNL

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I am so sorry this happened to you. Here are some resources. link removed and link removed Also too therapy is very very very helpful. It has made the WORLD of difference to my life. You have made the first COURAGEOUS step in speaking out here!! That is so brave. It is the first step to taking control of your life. Congrats!! Now love yourself enough and take it all the way.

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