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Sorry guys for long novel ill try keep it short(ish)


Basically 14 months ago I got with a guy and it was only ever supposed to be friends with benefits. He ended things in his 7 week old relationship cause he wanted me (and obviously wasn't happy with her though he never said) and when we got together things were perfect for about 3 months, til we ended things as feelings got way too intense.


For following two months we hurt each other, both played games, he told me he loved me during an argument later said he didn't mean it but even later said he did then but not now. He totally avoided being around me then but we text all the time.


We made decision to get back together see how things went but it didn't work out for many reasons, he tried put distance between us so no more feelings would develop and I was in a bad place as I was dealing with domestic abuse from my brother and my only parent was seriously ill with terminal cancer.


We fought a lot and we ended things in June. Again in September we ended up sleeping together twice but nothing came of it we didn't discuss starting back exclusive but had a mutual understanding neither of us met anyone else.


In November we hung out first time since sex last time and he avoided kissing me as he said it dragged up old feelings. I was upset but kind of understood. When he did kiss me he wasn't letting it get intense, he pulled back before it could. Though we were cuddling and fooling around and when he was joking with me he kissed my forehead. End of nov he told me he felt weird about moving on even though he should move on it didn't feel right.


He went on vacation beginning of December and text me a lot while he was away despite me telling him not to be texting on his holidays.


My parent passed away in December and he was great, he came down that night, slept next to me and held me close all night. When I fell asleep on his chest watching a movie he turned the sound off so it wouldn't wake me and left me laying there, never even moving incase he woke me. Then he cuddled me all night. Everytime I woke up he was either spooning me holding my hand or had his arm over me. I remember waking up one time face to face so close to each other our foreheads were touching and we were almost breathing into each others mouths. Again, no kisses but I asked him if he ever gets butterflies kissing me and he said yeah but asked why I asked, he seemed mad I asked.

He invited me down to him over Xmas, to spend it with his family (who I've never met) as he didn't want me to be lonely.


I was upset all over Xmas as my parent was only a week dead and I stopped texting him. He seemed upset I hadn't contacted him in two days and we had a fight over me taking things out on him, and shutting him out.


To make him jealous I made him think I had been with my ex, this isn't true but he acted like he was happy for me although has previously admitted hating said guy. Told me as long as I was happy he was happy. Told me he didn't care I was with someone else, asked if I wanted to know if he was with someone else now as we were being so honest with each other. We spoke on phone after this and although he said he was happy not jealous and didn't care as soon as he thought I was gonna say something about sex he stopped me and was like no I don't want to hear it at all.


The following weekend he went out and had sex with someone else, apparently. I told him that I was upset, that I was sorry for playing with him but I hadn't moved on and he basically said he'd moved on and it was because he thought that I had and that he was annoyed I said I had to get a rise out of him. He said this a few times that he moved on because I did.


I suggested giving us another go. He said no, too much history, didn't want to try reignite something that wasn't there but the more we talked the more uncertain he became, and at the end of the call he said his head was melted and he'd think about us trying one last time. We talk constantly we've never taken a break or go without texting we literally text all day every day.


For Xmas he usually gives vouchers to people and last year he just bought me a bottle of vodka but this year he went to serious effort choosing and picking gifts he knew I'd like, he even went buying pjyamas in a girls store with my favourite animals and characters on them, he bought me a beautiful perfume set that cost a bomb and something I mentioned I wanted last June. It was so thoughtful. He also put three xxx on card and he never puts x on messages or cards when we aren't close.


He's telling me he is over me but I'm asking him to spend this weekend with me and now he's saying he doesn't think it's a good idea. He'll spend a day with me but not sleep over even though he knows I can't have sex this weekend.


Do you think he's over me or do you think he's just hurt and trying to protect himself?? He has never been one to be direct and honest about his feelings.


I tell him he makes me feel loved and he says he's just being nice I ask if he's like that with anyone else he says no he isn't I say we are more than friends even without the sex it feels we are in an emotional thing, he reluctently agreed although were still texting a lot now.


What do you think he's thinking from all that?

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Personally, I think you two do have some kind of 'friendship', but in the same case, you're ruining each other with these head games.

You won't be honest.. you lied about being with an ex. That's something you do NOT do to win them over. It does not work.


I think you should sit & have a serious heart to heart an figure out IF this is ever going to go anywhere or just to expect a friendship or fwb?


You're both going to end up messed & confused I think, if you keep this up. Either go all the way & be a gf or move along now to find someone who will give it their all.

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I think you need to figure out what you want and be honest. Being dishonest with him or anyone else is not going to build respect or trust. If you want to be with someone and play games it is your choice, regardless of who is playing games. I am sorry to hear about your parent passing. Maybe this is a point in time where you need your space and place.

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I have been honest with him since. When he said he was with someone else at the weekend he told me he did it because I did it. I told him I lied and I hadn't been with an ex, and he just said he wouldn't have done it if I hadn't, that he thought I'd finally moved on. I admitted to everything, not being with someone, trying to make him think I was over him, loving him ect and even though it was embarrassing I told him exactly how I feel.


He has never done that with me. He always makes me feel like he loves me. The way that he's there texting me from first thing in the morning until whichever one of us falls asleep first, every day. He's very protective of me when I'm home alone with my brother, telling me sometimes that he worries himself sick when I'm there alone as he's afraid things will kick off. He gets so upset when I'm hurt that he'll be "not in the mood" to go out or carry through with plans, he'll offer to come over to my house (an hour and thirty mins away) to get me or to beat my brother up (he's not aggressive at all he's just that angry.) the latest incident when I told him what happened he told me unless I went to the cops, he would go, as he's had enough of me being hurt and wants my brother arrested. He's so so protective.


I know it sounds silly but he bought me a stuffed you to keep safe and comfort when he wouldn't be around to do it. A month ago, he was here and I can't sleep now without the teddy and I couldn't find him and he was telling me I didn't need the teddy because he was there, and literally the entire night he held me and didn't let me go.


Then the Xmas presents, we just exchanged gifts last week as I didn't want to do it over Xmas cause of the death. I was blown away about how much effort he put in when his sister, parents, and friends got small gifts or vouchers. Every single thing he got me was something I loved and had I been shopping for myself, I'd have got the exact same stuff.


He isn't the type to have one night stands but he was either talking to this girl for a while (really doubt it) or he made her up. He may not have slept with someone (I'm like 60% he did 40% he didn't) but he said he never would do to me what I done to him, hurt his feelings making someone up, but I think he could have. I'm not entirely sure.


Now he's trying to avoid spending time overnight with me. He "doesn't think it's a good idea" but I think he's just trying to put distance between us.


I'm just confused as he isn't always honest with his feelings, just wondering does he just see me as a friend and should I give up or is there feelings there? If there is, I don't want to give up on us as originally things were amazing and only ended cause it was too good between us. We never argue when we are together (one fight 16 months knowing each other, 14 months sleeping together).

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Sounds like he may be emotionally unavailable to you. I think YOU need to talk to him yourself. We dont know him or his intentions and best way is for YOU to ask him what it is he wants here.


Like you said, it's been 14 months. Does he want to be your bf or will he always just be sitting slightly behind you in this?

He is avoiding, spending time with you (Nights), so this is confusing.

I feel he's a little messed up- confused and it's not too good for either of you if you don't put your foot down and get things straight now.


If he just wants to be friends? then yes, move on and dont let him stay over at all! No more sleeping together.

At that point, YOU look for someone who will look at you as a 'whole' and want all of you. Respect and all.

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