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Girlfriend wears engagement ring from previous finance on right hand


imtriguy2010

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Is it normal for this to bother me? Our background - We've only been dating for just under three months. Things have been great between us. We've spent on average two to three days per week together and have defined that we are "in a relationship". Neither of us are dating anyone else and love spending time together. I haven't asked her about it but feel I should since it bothers me. She told me the reason why it didn't go through was because her ex spent too much time out of town and had a daughter that he couldn't incorporate into their relationship. I can't remember if she's warn the ring since she told me or not. I am ok with her having the ring as it's part of her past but I think wearing it is inappropriate if she wants something with me. I was thinking about leaving it alone unless she wears it again, but if she does confront her on it. Thanks for the advice!

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I wouldn't say anything about it if I were you. It's a ring … perhaps maybe more to her, but let her not wear it on her own accord. Saying something about it might be calling her out on an issue she's not yet willing to come to terms with. If it bothers you so much, do something about it instead of saying something about it. Read: Buy her a ring. Not an engagement ring, but an even prettier cocktail ring!

 

I wore my engagement ring on my middle finger for 6+ months after the engagement was off. The man I have been seeing had previously questioned me on the story behind the ring, and although I didn't tell him its' origination, I would not have appreciated him telling me it's inappropriate. It's just a ring, a pretty piece of anatomical decor, that no longer represents anything. When I found out my ex started dating someone new, I put it away as it was a painful reminder. In time, if I can wear it without having any negative feelings about it, then I would take it out of storage and wear it again.

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I don't see a problem with it honestly. It's probably just a beautiful ring she likes. As long as she is with you, be confident in that. Ask her, make sure that is the situation, and leave it as that. Do you expect her to get rid of anything he gave her?

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Yes, you are right. I would be upset too, you are just starting this relationship and I think you should talk to her. Just try to make her understand how you feel about it, I think it is a bit desrespecful on her part but maybe she is not really seeing it like that. Ask her to put herself in your place and to think about it.

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I haven't asked her about it but feel I should since it bothers me.
Then you should. You've only been dating for three months, there's no guarantee you're going to go the distance. Only she knows the reason why she wears it, whether it's because it's pretty or she's still holding onto some part of her previous relationship. However, I don't think that you can ask her to take it off, that is something she is going to have to do of her own accord. Depending on what she says about why she wears it, you could point out that it gives you the wrong message (that she's hoping for a reconciliation/that she hasn't truly moved on/whatever). You might also ask her how she would feel if you always wore some token that one of your previous girlfriends gave you.
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This is one of those things that has the appearance of unfinished business. So I do think you should ask her about it and let her know that it's not comfortable for you. If it's really just that she likes the stone, she can reset it into something else and remove the "meaning" while enjoying the rock so to speak. If there is something lingering there, then it's best you know now. Investing in a relationship only to be a rebound is not fun.

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I can't say that she's warn it since she told me what it was. Think I should wait to see if she wears it again and then bring it up or just come right out and ask her? We have plans to do something Friday and Saturday as well as a four day trip to the beach next month that we just firmed up today. I know she is all into me and I don't doubt that but it's still uncomfortable

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Oh, I just remembered that I wore an old engagement ring. It was just a gemstone ring and I bought it myself, but my boyfriend (now husband) wasn't a huge fan of me wearing it. It made him unhappy and I ultimately sold it because I wasn't attached to it, I just wanted a piece of jewelry to wear lol.

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Think I should wait to see if she wears it again and then bring it up
Yes. If you don't think she's worn it since she told you, it's entirely possible that she's decided that wearing it was holding on to unfinished business or something. For the record, I don't think it was disrespectful, it was probably just not mindful of what she was doing. I don't know how long she was with that guy or engaged to him, it's possible that she had a harder time letting go of the idea of being engaged/almost married than she did letting go of him.
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In my experience, people keep the ring because they like it. Moving it to the other hand is a visible indication that the other relationship is in the past.

 

I don't know that I'd like my gf wearing her old engagement ring but this is about YOUR insecurity.

 

If you do speak with her, I would do so with the sincere aim of finding out more about it, not trying to convince her not to wear it.

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I find it funny how women will refuse a used engagement ring because of it's symbolism, or "bad luck", but hey, it's okay to wear one from a previous relationship, just change the hand and it's okay for a new relationship!

 

I'd say buy her a ring and hopes she wears it instead, but maybe do it as a set of jewelry so it doesn't evoke any type of "engagement" feeling to it.

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I decided to wait and see if she wore it again. It took two dates, just last night actually. It was difficult but I asked her about her engagement. It was over 10 years ago and she said she has zero regrets about the situation and is well past it. I mentioned from what I heard from most broken engagements, if the woman broke it off they would return the ring and she said she did but he refused it. After that discussion, i told her my view on it. It was something that is more symbolic that just a ring. That was her view - it was just a ring that had no sentimental value. She even said that if it did, she'd probably wear it more often. She said she had never thought of it the way I presented it to her. I even mentioned if I just decided to whip out my old wedding ring and wear it as just a ring. That made it a little more clear. After our discussion, she decided to take off and put it in her purse and said she'd never wear it again. Unfortunately I made it awkward because I didn't know how to say it or even whether or not I should bring it up therefore there was quite a bit of silence as I was cooking us dinner. Luckily my dog was there to occupy her time for a little while. The end result was that we ended up having a nice dinner and spending the rest of the night just talking about everything under the sun.

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The fact that she is prepared NOT to wear it again says a lot doesn't it? But, honestly, after 10 years I wouldn't have had a problem. There are no set rules as to what someone should or shouldn't do when an engagement or marriage breaks up. My ex-husband didn't want my wedding or engagement ring back so I put it away out of site. It was only after I had moved on from him that I was actually able to wear it again because it didn't bring back any negative emotions. That and and the fact that it was a nice sparkly diamond ring that seemed a waste to sit in my jewellery box doing nothing.

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Now I am not into marriage at all, but for me an engagement ring is not just a nice piece of jewelry, it’s a promise and a commitment! If for whatever reason the engagement is broken off, I think a lady should give back the ring. If the ex-fiancé does not want it back, I would not wear it again. I would probably sell it and donate the money.

 

I think it is not appropriate, yes even disrespectful, to wear an engagement ring from an ex (doesn’t matter to me on what finger) while dating or having a new relationship.

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^^^ On edit: I see we were posting the same thing at the same time

 

I'd not want to wear an engagment ring from a failed relationship. Ugh! If he refused it back, who am I to argue I'd have sold it and bought myself something less symbolic. I already give to the charity of my choices.

 

Good for you for actually communicating. We don't hear a lot of that going on around here, most would rather ask us strangers what we guess is going on in the mind of another. Too bad, really when communication is what keeps loving relationships loving, allows you to judge if you should leave, resolves issues rather then stewing over them etc. etc. etc. Well done, Triguy.

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To me a diamond solitaire only means one thing. If it were any other kind of ring, I would have zero issues. Say you are out and run into some friends and one of them notices it and makes a comment. How do you answer that? Oh yeah, it's a ring that her ex fiancé gave to her when he proposed? Or, not that I'm anywhere close to this but what if down the road, I was considering asking her to marry me? An engagement ring on there left and right hand? Sorry, but that's just weird to me. Since I see what could be a fabulous relationship with this girl, I want to get things out in the open early.

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