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Clingy friend. What do I do?


Sarah Kozak

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So I have a friend I have known since the beginning of high school, about 2001. She's been very clingy towards me the past few months and this weekend has topped any thing she has ever done before. I went away on a spur of the moment trip with my fiancé. She texted, called and facebooked me a grand total of 34 times in 3 days. Im a 26 year old woman I don't need to check in with her as if she's my guardian. She told me she was just worried about me. But its funny because she didn't mention that once over the weekend. She was sending me random news links and vague little remarks like "guess who's credit card was affected from the breach at target" just to get me to talk to her....which i didn't.

 

So apparently a mutual friend of ours put some post on Facebook about her aunt calling her all weekend. My friend assumed it was about her, so she texts me this big nasty message about her, then deletes and blocks her. I couldn't even get into with her because i knew it was going to be to emotionally exhausting because this is the second time in 2 months where she has assumed something negative on Facebook has been about her.

 

Yesterday, I texted her back and let her know that I couldn't talk on the phone about this, which caused great anxiety in her. I'm in school and cannot sit on the phone for hours like she wants to. She called me 4 times in a minute and 45 seconds. Then she starts texting me things like "I was very immature" "I shouldn't have assumed it was about me" "I don't want to lose you over this" ....The last one freaked me out.

 

I have suggested her going back to school, getting a job (she's a stay at home mom to a 4 y/o) I have suggested everything you could think of. She wants to sit in her apartment and talk on the phone with me all day long. I will get off the phone so I can grocery shop or go to the gym and she calls me back with in 15 minutes.

 

At this point, what should i say to her to get her take a step back? Because right now, Im fed up and Im just ignoring her. Not 30 seconds after she saw I was on Facebook this morning, she starts calling and texting me. I know I can't ignore her forever but her behavior is worrying me.

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How can she talk on the phone all day if she's a full-time parent to a 4 year old? I have a 4 year old and it's rare that I can have more than a 10 minute conversation (and only then if I am making dinner and he is watching TV or similar). I would try one more time since you've been friends for so long - have a short but firm and pointed conversation with her about boundaries but focus on the positive "I love to talk with you once a week and otherwise it's fine to e-mail or text but please don't expect me to respond right away, ok?"

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That's exhausting. I'm exhausted just reading about someone up your ass like that.

 

I'm not sure if you even will be able to get through to her. But honestly, I probably would try at least. 13 years is a long time friendship. Set your boundaries and if she can't respect them then that is going to have to be it, for good.

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Batya33...I know, she puts him in front of the TV... Ive told her to pay attention to him and get off the phone. Thanks for the advice...I may just have to have this conversation with her.

 

Mine won't watch TV for long except on the rare occasion when he is sick like today. That's why I asked. I had to break up with a toxic friend 6 years ago and we had a long-standing friendship of probably 20 years. It was so very hard because of our history and that I still cared. I feel for you!

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