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my partner and i are heading for a break up


lou28

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Me and my partner have been on and off for a few months. Its so hard coz we want to be together but something is stopping us. I can be nice then him not, then it turns into the him being nice and me not. Its so confussing. I just feel down and really lonely

All the time. Is this the end of our 12 year relationship?

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I don't know all of your story - so can't really draw any interpretations or conclusions.

 

If you both want to be together but there is something in the way... would you both be open to relationship counselling to try and help?

 

If you've been together 12 years, you must have had lots of good stuff in order to stay together that long, and (I hope) you also have lots of good memories over the 12 years too.

 

Do you want to call it a day now?

 

If you don't want to press the eject button right now, and if both of you are willing to invest some effort in trying to work out what's going wrong, and try to look at options for continuing a relationship... brilliant. It could be tough going and a lot of work. Lots of couples go through ups and downs. If you both still honestly want a relationship and are prepared to work at it... my 2c is that there's value in exploring some options - don't make hasty decisions now that you may really regret later!

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Hi we have spoken about relationship counselling before just never got round to it. He doesnt really like opening up and talking but i do haha. I really do love him and miss him so much but we havnt even spoken all day coz he got in a mood with me i said just leave sorting us now and he did i didnt mean it he upset me coz he read 1 of my texts wrong. Im always making the 1st move trying to drag his feelings out of him, but its draining me now. He says he wants to spend time with me and our kids then gos out with his mates (he lives back at his mums) so we really havnt seen him propperly for a week now.

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I need more info. Give a brief description of the past 12 years? Mostly good? Or mostly bad? Trust issues? Cheating? Have you ever lived together? How old are the kids?

 

Are you just having issues recently or always? Who initiated the first breakup and why? Does he always put his friends before you?

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12 years have mostly been good the last 3 not so gud when it started. He got bad on the drug in the uk called bubble. Other names meow meow the thing for plants. I couldnt handle it as i was 4 month pregant with our 5th child.he was really bad i didnt know him anymore so we argued i asked him leave he wouldnt talk to me. So i took the girls to blackpool for the wkend. When i got bk i rang him and said can we sort stuff out he said lets just go on a break. So i thowt ok there is a chance then 1 wk later i found out he had met some1 else. They where together nearly 1 year both druged up him not seeing his kids. He kept saying he wanted me bk but i couldnt answer him. He told me they wasnt together anymore so i started talking to him again over time 3months we had slept together again but the next day he went and went quite when i had asked what was wrong he said he felt really bad on her. I didnt talk to him until the baby was born. He was saying he wanted to be with me, but then the drugs when just more desirable. I had my daughter saturday at 12.36am and i didnt see him again till monday nite. When i asked if we cud sort it out once and for all he said my headis a mess at the min. So i left it at that. He started chasing me and wanted to c his kids more. After 4 months i went out and met some1 for just that nite. I told him straight away coz i felt bad. After afew more months he got rid of her and wanted to come home. We worked great for ages then he said it was to much. More months pasted and we worked it out together for ever we can do this coz i love u i wouldnt ever want to be without u he said. After 1 year of being together he tried to push it with the going out and geting coked up but i stood firm and said no. We ended up moving, it was our fresh start i said if you want a single life now is the time to take it as this wil be a new start for my girls and i. He wanted to be with us. We moved at the end of august, it was fab we did family things. He went out, i went out, we went out together. He he made friends with a drug dealer and it went wrong From the middle of october . He worked nites so slept all the time. Hhs days off where sat at the pub with his mate. And 1 wkend he didnt come home coz he was so druged up. We had a huge argruement and i kicked him out at the end of november. He told me he needed space so i gave it him. Two wks later he said he wants me bk. But he wants tolive at his mums when working and at mine when off. I said where do u friends fit in and he said them. I said i need to know. Anyway nothing came of that coz i didnt trust wat he was saying. He told me he had been taken on at work propperly and wont get paid until the 5th of jan. Wel i went mad again coz ie hadnt even got the kids presants for christmas. He promised he would take them shopping when he got paid. Anyway over time i hung on to everything he said then i found out he hadnt been going to work and been geting on it with his mate. He told me he only got paid £50 on the 5th of jan but managed to get his hair cut spend 10pound on food top his phone up and go out all day saturday day and nite. Anyway i told him we are done for good now. I got texts to say he wanted me. And texts that would make me feel gulity so i gave in again we was talking then thursday nite he didnt bk so i towt aw he at work now only to find out he went out to get on it again. Anyway i told him he has blew his chance now. Hes stil on my phone teling me he knows what he has to do to make things work and hes going to do it. I said whats the point u anit going to do nothing. Iv made it clear i want nothing to do with him when hes the way he is. That was hard for me but im so hurt by his actions. Im unsure if by losing us will make him stand up and bea man but if not i gues im better off without x

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