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Is this her way of saying "I'm just not that into you"


buddy1234

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I'm a 44 year old man, I joined a dating site and messaged a 31 year old asian woman. Amusingly to me, it turns out that we have actually met once before - I interviewed her about 6 months ago - but I didn't offer her the job. I didn't even know that it was her until she pointed it out to me.

 

Last night she sent me this:

"Being honest this is weird that we met again this way. I felt u were a nice guy when I met u. As I'm always honest and straight to people. I can't tell u anything more until I get to know u better. So at moment, it would be more like friendship than straight into romance. Don't know if this suits u or not.

 

Is this code for "I'm just not that into you"? Reading between the lines, does it have potential for more than friendship? She lives about 1.5 hours drive away so would only pursue this if I thought it could lead somewhere.

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You've only met once. 6 months ago. In a professional environment. What did you expect the girl to say??? What she told you (well, apart from the how you met stuff) is what I tell every guy I talk to online. She's willing to give you a chance and that's enough for a first meeting. She can't know if it has potential for more before she goes on a few dates with you. If your goal is to meet someone and jump straight into bed, she's obviously not the right girl for you.

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I'd take that as she doesn't feel the physical attraction but is willing to see if you might grow on her.....eventually..... Personally, I don't tell a guy I just want to be friends when I actually want to date him. This has nothing to do with whether or not you jump straight into bed or relationship, which you shouldn't do, but dating is dating. Romance and friendship develop hand in hand and are not separate entities. Well, at least that's how I function. Others might be different. Personally, I always avoided the "let's be friends first" lines as either this person is not really attracted or has other issues that makes them incompatible with how I see a relationship develop.

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To play devil's advocate with a real-life example, I recently contacted a woman on OKC (Helena, for those reading my journal thread) who insisted on our first text, our first phonecall, and first date that we would just "be friends."

 

But by our 3rd date, she ended up inviting herself over to my place for a sleepover & sex. And if I hadn't broken things off with her, I am sure we would still be together.

 

So you really just have to meet her to find out what the deal is.

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I don't agree with "she's not interested". I'm a little older - 41 - and at this age, women (like me) tend to be more cautious about whom they are dating, simply because they are much more aware of what they really want and who they are than most younger people. They look for much different things. I think it's a great thing that she basically said she wants to take it slow and get to know you; that's what *should* be happening. I'm in that same situation right now - dating a 46 year old woman and we agreed the same thing - get to know each other and don't rush it. That's what GREAT relationships are built on - friendships.

 

Definitely be cool with it - it was NOT a rejection. At least she's being honest with you right up front which is an awesome quality; you'll never have to guess how she feels or what she's thinking. Get to know her; spend time with her when you both can. Then you can decide, without the pressure of a jump-in relationship or sex whether you're right for each other or not. Good luck!

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This is not code. This is caution: obviously, you share an industry. Dating within one's industry is a little weird. I know, I know, its permitted, you don't work together etc. But you share a professional network. She needs to be cautious.

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