istillbelieve Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 When I fall in love, I fall hard. I want marriage and a family and none of the relationships I get into are simply because "I'm lonely" or "I want a guy in my life for now." I have had previous relationships that took me around a year to get over. This recent ex was the love of my life ( I thought ) so I assumed it would take even longer, but this time I was smarter than that. For about 3 months I heard nothing from him. You know what I did in the time being? Nothing. I deglected my dreams and I sat there and waited for him. I put him on a pedestal and often remembered the amazing memories and how great he was. Soon after, he finally threw out a text. I was hopeful and I was wrong to be so naive. long story short, he played mind games for a few days and I found out that he was dating someone new. On top of that, when I sent him a goodbye text, (which I was so nice in btw) he replied practically calling me all these horrible names. So wait? You left me, and you think I'm in the wrong for doing that? Yet you come back and you have no remorse for the pain you caused? You just want an ego boost? No. There are so many amazing people out there in the world. Ones that won't return just to feel pleasure out of it. I asked myself " would you ever do this to anyone that you loved" and my answer was a no. Despite his cruelty, I was still nice in all my messages to him, even his last angry one. I realized I wouldn't even want to be someone so mean..who dumped me through a text after a year together. That person doesn't have a good heart if they do all this. I want someone who has a heart like mine. Now I know your ex might be a little more normal and nice about things but the point is, we put them on a pedestal. I blinded myself and said "he broke up with me through a text because he wouldn't be able to in person " that might be true but that's an act of selfishness. It's about what they want and what they don't want. Don't make excuses for their behavior. He was the nicest guy I had known when we were together but i know that this is the real him. People show the best sides to them when they try to convince you to be with them. So after a while, we begin to believe that this is the only side to them. After a while, I realized that even after the break up, he was causing me harm by stopping me from my dreams. You can easily judge the character of a man on how they act towards you when you can do nothing for them. So he no longer needed or wanted me and basically I wasn't an asset..and he treated me terribly. He threw me away like a year together didn't matter. 1) don't put them on a pedestal 2) don't make excuses for them 3) love yourself more 4) don't wait around and pause your life because they are living theirs (I assumed he was grieving like I was.. not on dates) 5) actions speak louder than words, do you really want someone like him/her 6) compare your heart to theirs. would they do as much as you would? 7) do what makes you happy. After 3 months, it clicked in my head! I don't want my ex. I want someone with a bigger heart, someone who will appreciate me and not let me go. People like that exist so don't dwell on an ex if they leave you just like that. Link to comment
healingloner Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 So true. I am saving this. I guess when we are in love we always end up putting our lovers on pedestals. And we get to see the real side of that person when we don't have anything more to offer. Your post made my day! Link to comment
silversoul Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 excellent advice. very relevant for me too Link to comment
cutebubbles012 Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 AWESOME! Something i finally came to terms with 7 months after the breakup. Thank you for sharing this! Link to comment
quirky Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 6) compare your heart to theirs. would they do as much as you would? I want someone with a bigger heart, someone who will appreciate me and not let me go. These two really resonated with me, thank you. I have to say vilifying the ex didn't personally help me much, it prolonged my healing. He didn't handle things right neither loved me like I hoped and expected but I can't imagine it logical that he turned from a good guy to a monster. That is how it FELT to me because of the rejection and resentment I felt and still do. But the only moments I found some solace was when I managed to 'love' him again as a person and understand that this just wasn't working for him any more. Anyway, this is an ideal situation, and I am only trying to be charitable because my ex didn't cheat or abuse, he was just selfish I guess. But I struggle heavily with resentment eventhough I have done a million positive things after the BU, but that's why I am trying every possible avenue to overcome it. Link to comment
jonyyy Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 (...)He was the nicest guy I had known when we were together but i know that this is the real him. People show the best sides to them when they try to convince you to be with them. So after a while, we begin to believe that this is the only side to them. (...) I still struggle a lot with this point/situation. They were indeed perfect for us at some point in time. But in the end demons it's all they are? I've asked myself countless times how can someone who you knew so well as a good person, do something terrible. I don't think our Ex's true colors are being an awfull person, hiding that from us all this time. I think most people are just capable of the best and the worst REGARDLESS of whomever they are with, because in the end people decide selfishly, towards their own needs. Link to comment
istillbelieve Posted January 16, 2014 Author Share Posted January 16, 2014 I agree with you guys. They are not a bad person nor are they the most amazing person. They have done good and bad. Sometimes one outweighs the other. Link to comment
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