Really unsure as to what i should do?

[cheytacx4]

Alright im going to really shrink this down which i feel may give the audience less of view of the actual situation. And im rather reluctant to post because im trying to make the best of what it is even if its not what I want. Anyways ive been going in circles for a very long time now. So my best friend a female of course, ive fallen for her very hard. And im confused as to what the issue is. I made myself clear from the second week i knew her that i thought she was attractive and she seemed to understand, I explained i found her attractive as well and we seemed to hit it off very well or atleast to my knowledge.And now its been a year And 6 months later and we have retained our friendship but I consider it to be a little more maybe im blind. We talk about deep emotions shes very closed off to ppl yet she talks with me about anything and everything besides well anything dealing with guys in her life or relationships like strictly her feelings of an array of things. Ive recently pretty much put my foot down and stopped talking to her because im so tired of caring which is horrible to say..she knows how i feel yet i feel she blocks any advances i try to make.. i adore her we buy each other things we talk about things deeply we have great times together...and when i try to talk to her about my feelings she seems to distance herself and put up a wall like nothimg was said at all..ive given my whole heart into trying like genuine things i decorated her 3 yr old sons b day cake with him..ive bought her flowers 5 or 6 times ive wrote notes ive fixed her car ive been there for her, ill do something special for her bday or v day, christmas...and yes she always gets me something shes not finacially able to get me much but i understand that...but its the thought of it that counts to me..ive asked her out many times with but few results..its just so confusing to me, i tried dancing with her about 2 months ago and she did but only for a short period of time until she told me she didnt want to..,and last weekend i went to the club alone and she said i shouldve told her when i said i woulda asked you but i figured you was busy..and she knows how i feel and she dresses idk not ty but like her curves are always right there in my face and i know she knows it...im just really confused as to what the f*** is going on. And im trying so hard to just not care let go and its like shes always on my mind...i dont text her and a week later outta the blue ill get a txt from her? And we will hit jit off all over again she will crack a joke and we will laugh and it turns into a 2 in the morning convo even when i tell myself to just keep it to a bare minimum. So any help is.much appreciated

[SooSad33]

I feel you are 'giving yourself' in so many ways to her, but her ways towards you are limited.

The fact is, is you are already aware of where she stands and she is not into you that way, so this is your issue.

So, beyond this, is something of your own choice.

 

She'll take all you've got because you're offering it.

 

Look at it as basically a friendship.. not more than that. Whether you want to pay her way for everything, buy her gifts etc, is all your choice & doing. If you want to stop & 'give up' on this. Do it.

 

But if this is hurting you in any way, then you have to wake up. This has been going on for a good while & are you still trying?

 

Why not look for a 'real' relationship and put your efforts into a woman who appreciates you the same way.

 

gd luck

[Tanzi]

You called her your best friend. Either that is exactly how she sees you too …. as her best friend and nothing more … or she is enjoying certain benefits of being in a relationship whist not actually having to be in one.

 

You can either carry on being her friend and accept that she doesn't have the same feelings for you as you do for her or you can distance yourself from her so that you can focus on other girls.

[cheytacx4]

Oh i forgot the whole point of why i started this i do love the girl but it has lasted long enough...and i have been trying really hard to forget it all i dont show i care anymore, she gets no attention from me but the care is still there im seeking closure i guess but she expects me to be her "best friend" although ive explained that it just wont wrk that way but she acts as if im wrong? Or she doesnt hear the fact that i cannot be close to her without feeling what i do, and i dont want to feel that way anymore..so maybe any suggestions on how to make this a clean removal? Or am i being unfair? Like im not willing to swalliw the feelings i have just so she can have what she wants.

[Tanzi]

If you have had enough, if you really want to "forget it all", if you really want to seek closure on this then you will have to stop hanging onto her under the guise of "best friends" because that isn't what you really want at all. There is no point in pretending to be her best bud because while she will take it as that and do all the things with you that best friends do, you will be taking everything she does or says to heart and looking for some kind of hidden meaning. All the while you remain her friend she is going to continue to expect that, no matter what else you may say … because despite what you say otherwise, you are still going through the motions of being her best friend … you are saying one thing yet doing another. Remember actions speak louder than words.

 

You have to be honest with yourself and to her. You cannot be friends with someone you have feelings for and if you want to move on from all of this you have to let go of her so that you can move on from the emotional attachment you have to her. Once you are ready to do that you have to be honest with her so that she knows that she has to give you the space you need. From then on you have to stand firm should she contact you because she misses your friendship …. which she may well do.

[cheytacx4]

And i thought i understood that and ive been upfront with her for since we first started to talk...and ive explained it that it just wont work and she takes it as if im trying to hurt her? Like i hate to see her like that and your most likely right i should just be the ass and just not cut off responding but i dont want it like that..i guess best is best and it will end up that way either way..maybe shes to inmature to try to understand i just wish she would just mutually let i

[Tanzi]

Not just immature but selfish too. She is disregarding your feelings and only worrying about hers.

 

You need to talk and she needs to listen. Being friends is hurting you and she needs to know that. If she cares about you at all she should understand and be prepared to give you the space you need.