Seraphim Posted October 18, 2016 Author Share Posted October 18, 2016 [video=youtube_share;rxIWmHjCNkE] Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 28, 2016 Author Share Posted December 28, 2016 Why why why why why are you picking on me?????? And you why do you have to sit there tutting in the corner ??? I'm not going to basically let the both of you insult us and then shove that crap at us. If you think we over eat why effen buy that ???? And what do you mean my child doesn't have a good diet I just bought $4600 worth of meat and vegetables what are you talking about ?????? Because he can buy his own pop and chips now not my fault . Oh yes I forgot it's my fault because I eat chips that he eats chips . I'm sure I could've been a worse effen mother mom. Ugh!!!!!!! You piss me off so much . You just have to drag me down don't you because you don't know any other way of doing something . Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 24, 2017 Author Share Posted July 24, 2017 I am trying to rebuild more confidence travelling places without hubby so I don't have him to lean on. I have to stand on my own two feet. I will be the brave me again. One day. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted October 1, 2017 Author Share Posted October 1, 2017 God I hate Toronto....no understands personal space . Three feet around folks THREE. FEET . AROUND. Personal space. I wanted to scream in people's faces. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 4, 2018 Author Share Posted January 4, 2018 Great, not. Now this journal makes NO SENSE. Every time we change a platform something important gets dropped from it. So when you go back and read it IT MAKES NO SENSE! Why bother. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted April 15, 2018 Author Share Posted April 15, 2018 Started to have violent nightmares again with more frequency. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted April 15, 2018 Author Share Posted April 15, 2018 I think it is the increase in stress and amount of work hours. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 18, 2018 Author Share Posted June 18, 2018 I have figured out why I feel so different from after my EMDR. I used to have internal chaos constantly and I had normalized that feeling . And now that I don’t have internal chaos I had come to miss it . And I had interpreted that as an emptiness . But it is actually not emptiness . It is the new state of being my new normal . Now I have a way to verbalize it . Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 24, 2019 Author Share Posted May 24, 2019 This was brought to my attention today by a girl I buy leggings from. There are only 10 Canadian practitioners trained to do it. https://brainspotting.com/ Worth speculating on with my new doctor. He was so cool he was a man open to listening to patients and not full of himself . Upon the first appointment interview whatever you want to call it I felt so in tune with him . He so so so gets mental health. I’m hoping he’s able to refer me to the local person who is licensed to practice it . Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 28, 2019 Author Share Posted June 28, 2019 Yesterday at the graduation all the presenters sat together. The guy in the seat next to me kept spreading his thighs wide enough so that his leg was touching my leg and his arm was on my armrest touching my arm . So then I had to cross my poor arthritic knees which I’m not supposed to do . He spreads his thighs wider so he’s touching my leg again. So now I’m almost creeping onto the woman next to me . I was so uncomfortable I just wanted to punch him in the face . So finally I just glared at him and he moved a seat over . UGH!!!!!! Keep your body parts off other people. I am still revolted today . Just thinking about it makes me wanna throw up . Link to comment
Seraphim Posted November 26, 2019 Author Share Posted November 26, 2019 I am still really uncomfortable going to places I don’t know without R. Last night I was at a boughs and bows event at another military spouse’s event. It was ok. I made something nice but not something I would do again. Made me very nervous. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 My husband said I have none of this any more. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 22, 2019 Author Share Posted December 22, 2019 https://apple.news/Af7B_hBBlSY6cOMtmgsy_RQ Explains a lot. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 31, 2019 Author Share Posted December 31, 2019 After I broke my ankle I started having daily flash backs that lasted a few months and then they faded to about once a week. We visited TO on the weekend and the flash backs increased. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 7, 2021 Author Share Posted February 7, 2021 This. Hits. Hard. The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response. Your “I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself” conditioning is a survival tactic. And you needed it to shield your heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you. From the parent who was absent and abandoned you by choice or the parent who was never home from working three jobs to feed and house you. From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but never offered a safe haven that honored your heart. From the friendships and family who ALWAYS took more than they ever gave. From all the situations when someone told you “we’re in this together” or “I got you” then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when *** got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too. From all the lies and all the betrayals. You learned along the way that you just couldn’t really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point. Extreme-independence IS. A. TRUST. ISSUE. You learnt: if I don’t put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won’t have to be disappointed when they don’t show up for me, or when they drop the ball... because they will ALWAYS drop the ball EVENTUALLY right? You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt ancestors who came before you. Extreme-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak. So, you don’t trust anyone. And you don’t trust yourself, either, to choose people. To trust is to hope, to trust is to be vulnerable. “Never again,” you vow. But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth it’s your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall. Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either. Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming. It’s a trauma response. The good news is trauma that is acknowledged is trauma that can be healed. You are worthy of having support. You are worthy of having true partnership. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of having your heart held. You are worthy to be adored. You are worthy to be cherished. You are worthy to have someone say, “You rest. I got this.” And actually deliver on that promise. You are worthy to receive. You are worthy to receive. You are worthy. You don’t have to earn it. You don’t have to prove it. You don’t have to bargain for it. You don’t have to beg for it. You are worthy. Worthy. Simply because you exist. -Jamila White, @inspiredjamila Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 11, 2021 Author Share Posted February 11, 2021 memories , the sadism was comparable especially the threat to family and self. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.