I need help please

[bingzhy]

My bf and I have been together for about 2 year, and we have been living together in China for over 1 year. He is american, i am chinese. we have met each other's family already . He is not the perfect guy to a lot of people, but he's the perfect guy for me. i had another 3 relationships before him, but nothing can compare with this one. i've never thought i would love somebody so much （except my family). but it happened to me, and i am glad that i have the chance to experience the real love.

 

so we went back to the U.S for the christmas last month, had a great time there. but then i came back to China alone because he found a good job there and started to work there since they day i left. we have talked about this before we went back to the U.S, he said we would have a better future in the U.S, if he can get a good job there, he's going to start working there. and it came true.

 

so i've been back to China for a week now, and i miss him like crazy everyday, actually like physically sick, cant eat well, cant sleep well even i have been talking to him online everyday. i felt better when he started talking about getting the fiance visa for me, and then i can move there. i felt like the future is right there when he said that. The next day when i asked him when is he going to started working on the visa, he said we had to wait, cuz he wanted to do it right, he wanted to hire a lawer to help us, and including the visa fee, will be over 1000 USD, since he doesnt have any savings, and he sold his truck before he came to china 2 years ago. so now, he's dad letting him use his truck for 3-4 weeks, then he has to get his own car/truck. so he said, we may have to wait for two months to start working on the visa ( the process itself for the visa will take about 6-9 months), and then we have to wait for two months just ourselves for the money. I can send him the money , but he doesnt want me to.

 

So now, i am in China all by myself , feel lonely everyday, and i just feel so helpless, i start feeling like this is the end of this relationship, then i just feel so sad, and even hurt like we are going to break up. i know this is wrong, but i cant help to feel that way. and when we on skype, he can see that i am sad or so, then will ruin the only time we have for each other everyday. i am not happy, i can't fake it. so now, i really dont know what to do, i feel like i can not wait for that long being without him by myside. just feel like i am going to loose him even tho i know he loves me deeply , he was so proud to tell me that his dad likes me so much, his dad told him that he cant not even compare my bf's sister in law with me.

 

right now, i just feel so helpless, i really need some wise people to tell me what should i do to make myself feel better, or what should we do.. thanks

[sarahliz]

It's just going to take time to get used to it. Try to stay busy and have fun so you're not thinking about him. Don't think about you guys breaking up because that hasn't even been brought up. You two are fine so just try to enjoy your time in china and talk to him when you can. Long distance relationships are tough, you need to be strong. You can do it

[abitbroken]

Was the plan all along for him to move back to the United States? If so, then you know that it was going to happen. He is not lying when he says it will take a couple months for the process. There is a member here, OptomisticGirl (I might not be spelling it right) who went through the process with a British (i think) husband.

 

You can choose to be sad when you are on Skype, or you can choose to start to make plans in your life that would make it a possibility for you to go with him. In otherwords, saving money, trying to find out how you could get a job in the United States if that is possible independent of the fiancee process.

 

Also, how much did you talk about marriage. Has he proposed? Are you comfortable marrying a man that doesn't really know how to save money?

 

I think that you should make an effort to do things that will give you a happy attitude on Skype - talk about your day, interesting things etc, and after awhile of not draggging things down and being so sad in front of him - maybe a week or so, I would bring up the subject of what to expect - you will not move from China unless you have clear plans and you know he is going to marry you, etc.

 

I know your family and friends are hesitant - is it because he is not Chinese, or are there other reasons?

The other thing you must consider is would you be okay living in the US far away from your family and the things you know?

[SooSad33]

So then YOU need to try and turn this around. Do NOT look at it all as a negative.

If your love for each other is real and deep, all will work out okay. It just takes time... time is all we've got.

Love has no time limit.

 

So, start enjoying the times you talk & see him on skype. Start 'thinking' in a positive NOT negative. See it as just a 'change'. And a change for the better, so you two can be together again.

 

Im sure you were okay before you had him in your life & so close...you can do it again, for a while.

And I'm sure your bf is feeling just as low as you are with these factors, so stand by him.. not behind him, in tears.

 

Give it all time.... take it easy. Write, paint, cook, walk.. whatever to keep yourself going. I am sure you have friends. Get out and spend some time with them. Keep your social life going.

 

One day at a time.. take it easy.

[bingzhy]

Thanks, i tried, i go out with my friends , work, but when i came home alone, i feel so lonely. i am just so used to live with him

It's just going to take time to get used to it. Try to stay busy and have fun so you're not thinking about him. Don't think about you guys breaking up because that hasn't even been brought up. You two are fine so just try to enjoy your time in china and talk to him when you can. Long distance relationships are tough, you need to be strong. You can do it

[bingzhy]

i stayed in the U.S for a month, and i think i can live there. the city i live now is about 8 hours drive to my parents house, i go back to see them every 4 months. but if i move to the U.S, i will come back to China once a year at least.

we talked about getting married, and he wants that too, he said he wants to start a family with me. i am a bit concerend about the saving money thing. he doesnt know how to save me, but i am hoping it will change if he knows that there's a family there . and this happened to my own brother too, he did not know how to save money at all until he married .

My parents dont want me to live overseas cuz they worry about me, if anything happens, they can not help at all.

 

i tried looking for job in the U.S when i was there, but it's impossible because i had the tourist visa, cant work. but i think i can find a job as a translator or mandarin teacher since i have the teacher certificate here in China for middle school kids

[bingzhy]

Thanks , i actually have no problem in the day time, but in the night, just cant stand the loneliness . just hoping will get better day by day