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I must be Crazy! (Soap Opera Status)


confusednluv73

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I'm going to try to make this as short as possible... I need some real, genuine advice. First I'm 29, female, I used to be 406lbs, gastric bypass 2008, lost over 275lbs. Felt great, had my ow apt, partied, loved me... I met this guy after being lonely for so many years, never having a bf when I was obese.. I met him unemployed, his moms cell phone, living with his mom... I had my own place, an office manager, making good money, a car and so on... I loved the attention and chase.. something in me just wouldn't let me be his girlfriend, he tried and tried... We spent time together a lot.... But I never have in until one day I did... Little by little he started staying at my place til like 5am,, then started skewping over, eventually moved in... Laid off after a month, never looked for work again...

 

Now almost 5yrs later.... I still have my own car, apt, and even better job (office manager/surgical coordinator) for orthopedics.... I have long black hair to my behind, light brown eyes, Spanish, smart, and I weigh 140, 5'3", I'm no celebrity, but I'm cute!! He has nothing, but...... Anger issues, jealousy issues, no goals, and the list goes on....

 

I've become depressed over him, even on medication for depression and I never!!! Meds not helping because I'm not depressed he makes me depressed.... I'm happy around eveyrone but him.... He brings out the worst in me.... I've inherited his anger, jealousy and whatever else I haven't even noticed.... He constantly Puts me down, says I'm lazy, bad in bed, cheap, bi**h and so on..... For the record... When in a relationship, I looooooove to be sexually active.... Im up for it three times or more a day.... I used to try to initiate but it.was always, later, I'm playing a game, watching a movie, etc he only wanted it when he did and only at nigt time and in bed... So I stopped initiating it and just waited for him.... that becomes four maybe five times a month.... I'm a million percent sure he's not cheating.... Now Im resentful plis sexually frustrated... I admit lately I been very mean but he treats me liek crap and it doesn't phase him!

 

My bday. Jan 10, he didn't even remember... around 8pm, he says its your birthday today? I nodded my head and curled my lip... He didn't.even say happy birthday.... says birthdays are for kids.... He has pushed me a few times gotten in my face, but never hit me.... If I'm late from work he calls me yelling! My friends and fam dnt like him... I go no where at all but work... If I'm not with him he goes no where without me.... And doesn't let me go.anywhere without him... I pushed everyone away.... I fake that everythings great... I always have a mean face at work and am such a bit**

 

He loves cars.. has fixed My car made it pretty, but that's his passion, he says the cars his... In all reality he has serious issues... He was in self contained/special ed classed when in school.... He's not all there.... His dad doesnt work either, mom pays all.... and the entire family is rowdy and love, attention, drama and fighting.... They will cause problems any and everywhere..... I'm quiet and humble... I like peace lol

 

He says I'm not a woman, not on his level and boring.... five years never a gift, a card, forgot all my birthdays, loves to stare at other females, I can walk by naked bend over in his face, not even a look a pinch.... Nothing...

 

My mind says go, but my hearts not sure... I'm not happy, im mean to him, but I think I'm afraid to be alone, or afraid of what hell do, or what I will do, where to go, who to call, eveyones mad at me.... And yeah idk what to.do.... I dnt want to regret leaving.... Hes always there, he's faithful, and I was n a bad car accident last year and he was by my side 24/7, while in a neck brace, for six months.... went with me to the bathroom even.... Didn't míss one appt.... that means a lot to me... I feel bad for him because everyone just kicks him to the curb I wantd to help him... I also had a badddddd breakup in 2005... Took me all four yrs to get over it.... I cried for two yrs straight.... I never want to go thru that again....

 

Hearing this as I write it I sound so pathetic.... He sits here all day playing xbox, while I sit on the couch and stare at a wall..... I can't keep doing this to.myself I'm losing it.......

 

I just need help, what to do, what's the first.step.....

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My mind says go, but my hearts not sure...

 

I also had a badddddd breakup in 2005... Took me all four yrs to get over it.... I cried for two yrs straight.... I never want to go thru that again....

Listen to your mind. You may be afraid of being alone. You may be afraid that no one's ever going to love you again BUT... he doesn't love you now. All that help when you were in the accident? IMO, he did it because you're his meal ticket. Without you at work, making money, paying the bills, who is going to look after him? You say that everyone kicks him to the curb... well maybe that's because he's a lazy, abusive mooch. He doesn't treat you like a girlfriend or lover, someone he cherishes, he treats you like his mother (and I bet he can't stand his mother). I think that if you actually gave him the boot, you would find that in a shockingly short time you would be happy and then kick yourself for staying with him as long as you did.

 

I just need help, what to do, what's the first.step.....
You need to speak to your landlord about getting your locks changed. Seriously. This is your place, you pay for it, he just takes up space. You lost a lot of weight -- good for you! It's well past high time you add his poundage to the scale and kick him out of your life. Marrying him isn't going to change him. Having his kids isn't going to change him. You're 29, there is still time for you to find someone and have a family if you want it. This man isn't capable of being the partner, companion and lover you need to have a family with. He can't even provide for himself. Would you really want to bring a child into the dynamic you're currently in?
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Good god, kick this guy out now.

 

Or on a more practical level, take bekaa2's advice.

 

Tell him you're done with him, and give him 30 days to get out.

 

There's no reason to be nice to him anymore. He had 5 years to prove that he was a worthwhile partner, and he failed miserably. Good riddance to bad trash.

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He's a controlling freeloader! Name 5 good things about him! I bet you can't! I can't even think of ONE! The reason he was by your side 24/7 was cuz he is a control freak. He was able to control his time with you 100%. When someone wants to be with you all the time, chases away any friends you may have, yells at you if you're a few minutes late from work.....all control issues.

 

We haven't even started on the 'deadbeat' issue......sigh.

 

You've wasted 5 years of your life on him already....don't wait a second longer. Being ALONE is better than being in a relationship that is making you depressed, angry, nasty etc. etc. Why did you want to be with him again????? THINK.

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You are still thinking like an 'obese woman' with no self esteem. I know how you feel. I used to be fat as well (not 406lbs, but 200). I am also 5'3" and I was constantly being rejected because of my weight. I had incredibly low self esteem because of it and eventually I managed to lose about 80lbs and get down to about 120 or so.

 

I thought that would fix all my problems, but I still thought and acted as if I were that depressed fat girl who was constantly being rejected. I automatically assumed guys wouldn't be interested. I never stayed in a relationship too long (my problem was the opposite - I cut them loose far too quickly) but I know how your mindset can trap you somewhere.

 

You are not the same person you were and this guy is not the best you can do. GET OUT as soon as you can.

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Ty! I feel a lot closer to the end.... Ty everyone... U r all right.... Now..... I have to add he has anger issues and controlling issues.. he's not going to go or let me go that easy... I have a puppy,, and a car he keeps threatening to take if.I try to go because I have been saying im leaving.... But haven't gone anywhere.... I have to do this and find a way..... Idk I'm going insane!!!!

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You know what men like this ... who have no job, no prospects, no love for the women they are are with ... have? Nothing. Nothing but cute women with low self-esteem who are more than willing to put up with it in order to avoid being alone. Stop being one of those "I'm still thinking like a fat woman who doesn't think I can do better" women.

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