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I dont think this is okay


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Sorry but its long.Up until 3 days ago i thought i was a normal kid but now i highly doubt it. I am 18 and like most people i am preparing to go to uni this year. Let me list some of the things which i dont think are normal about me.

1. I have a liking for pain, not emotional but physical pain. Back in high school when i became a prefect i had to go through an initiation process. I received 10 shots from 8 different senior prefects with hockey sticks, cricket bats and belts (this tradition was stopped after someone died) and what is funny is that even though i could barely walk for 2 wks i liked the pain.

2.I have never been emotionally attached to anything except my 16 yr old cat.

3. I have never been hugged by any family members, i have never seen any relatives and my grandparents hate me and my brothers, and these are grandparents from both sides.

4. My mom in fits of rage sometimes calls me a stupid monkey, and that she wished she never gave birth to me and my brothers but i know she loves us.

5. I had good friends in high school but each time they call me i never answer the phone and i cant explain why. I have constant dreams of finishing uni and moving to a country far away from everything i know.

6. I am not depressed in any way and actually joke around with people a lot, actually i am happy.

7. The only things i love are cars, reading and most of all is weightlifting. I am 6ft 3 and weigh 240 pounds and can squat 460, Bench 325, deadlift 525, i love the fact that i can increase my strength without steroids and i think i channel my thoughts when lifting i cant really explain it, i feel even happier while working out, i never lift for more than 2 reps, I just want power.

8. I am in no way violent, i even move bugs out of the way when i am mowing grass. I sometimes walk to a room with a purpose for doing something but cant remember why i am there. One more thing, i also talk to my cat a lot or stare at a tree with nothing on my mind. this is what i have been told.

Other than this i am a normal kid who like looking at girls,except for the drinking because i dont know what i will do. Any opinions are welcome

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Most on your list seem half normal. Do YOU think you're different? Something off about you?

 

Assuming you're not depressed is good. As for your mind 'wandering' sometimes, into your own world, I do that too.

It;s a form of disassociation. (usually from past trauma tho).

 

So- you're impressed with the want for power, that's okay too. You are only 18 and have a ways to go.

 

This stuff is just you. We all change and we're all different. This is just you & your style

As long as you, yourself don't think anything is majorly wrong, all is okay then, no?

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