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Need opinions on what I should do!!!!

Amh0107

By Amh0107
in Relationship Advice

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Amh0107 Newbie

Amh0107

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To make a long story short over a year ago I took a new position within my company and began working at a new store with a new boss. At first I didn't know him, but I did think he was cute. Shortly after my time there we started going out for drinks after work to relax and recap the business (and so I could vent) because the holiday season in retail is stressful and he wanted everyone clear headed.

 

After a few times of this and getting to know him I fell... Hard. I was having feelings for him I've never experienced before in my life... It wasn't just about his looks it was about who he was. Shortly after that I found out he had a girlfriend through another co-worker so I kinda backed off. He came to me about why I never came out anymore and we started to go out again. Our friendship morphed to where he felt he could talk to me about his relationship issues... And then I found out he wasn't happy. All this time I never told him that I was in love with him.

 

I left the company and a month or so later we went out drinking just to catch up, we got super drunk and he told me he was thinking of leaving his girlfriend, obviously from drinking I got super courage and told him I had a thing for him. He couldn't believe it, he kissed me then told me he was planning on making out with me later lol. But that night we got a hotel and slept together.

 

It's been almost a year since then. We still talk but haven't seen each other in person. Anyway point is idk what to do. I'm still so in love with him and I can't find anyone close to his personality qualities. Do I tell him? Do I not tell him? He's always said he can't stop thinking about that night. It's really frustrating me and I'm supposed to see him soon. Help!!

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mhowe Proficient

mhowe

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If you want to be with him, be with him. Why fight the urge? It's just nature. Might as well just let nature take its course.

 

Not sound advice. You had drunk sex a year ago...he knew how you felt then AND he had a gf. He told you he was going to break up with her...and you slept with him. You haven't seen him since so it is safe to believe he is still with his gf and you were a one night stand.

 

If you want to be a 2 night stand, go ahead. But if you haven't seen him in a year...you meant nothing to him.

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shelty24 Apprentice

shelty24

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You fell for his BS. If he was having issues with his gf and was "thinking of ending it with her", don't you think he would have before hopping into bed with you if he was serious? But instead he just told you what you wanted to hear in order to get in your pants and has proved to be nothing but a lying cheater.

 

Men like him will use that line "I am not happy, gonna leave her" blah blah blah they will say anything to get you to f**k him and then disappear.. he can't be trusted so get your head outa the clouds and be real.

 

And what makes you think he wont cheat on you too if you get with him? What makes you more special then her? Your just another vagina to him like all his ONS are

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Amh0107 Newbie

Amh0107

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Ok so that's what I was thinking... Yes he's still with his girlfriend and he's miserable. I've made a point of keeping myself detached from his life to prevent the same thing from happening again. He once told me before he ever knew how I felt or slept with me that he didn't want to break up with her to avoid the drama (apparently he tried breaking up with her once).

 

I'm not saying I'm ever going to have a chance with him, but sometimes I can't help myself when I'm around him and the real problem is I'm going to see him for the first time since we've slept together in less than a week and I'm not prepared to have a conversation about how I'm still feeling, but from his text messages he is...

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Amh0107 Newbie

Amh0107

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You are feeling that he used you and would like a 2nd chance.

No one stays with someone for more than a year to avoid drama.

 

 

I know this sounds crazy and I came here for advice and I appreciate it. I just feel like it was so much more than that but I can't figure out if that's because of how I feel. We've just always had insane chemistry and it's like I can't get closure or move on until I know how he feels. If he just said that to get in my pants- fine I got fooled by the man I'm in love with but if not I just feel like I need to know! It's driving me crazy.

 

Literally not a day goes by that I haven't thought "what if?"

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Amh0107 Newbie

Amh0107

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I think he just wants another go at it, knowing he's going to be seeing you again...

 

Have you guys kept contact over the last year at all- or just recently because of the meet, coming up?

 

That's what so confusing. This whole year he texts me every week just to see how I'm doing and we talk through texts for hours...

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Amh0107 Newbie

Amh0107

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It is called the "walk of shame" for a reason. Because he had...and still has a gf.

What more evidence do you need that you were nothing more than a hook up?

 

You're right. I should stop kidding myself and just cut off all communication.

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nutbrownhare Veteran

nutbrownhare

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I really feel for you... your passionate obsession with this man screams out from every sentence you've written here. It can be very easy to fantasise about people we can't have, all the 'what if's', and actually having just enough contact to keep the lines of communication open will have fuelled the fantasy even more. You've had a whole year of looking at him in the midst of a rosy glow which is bound to be a fantasy on your part, because you just haven't had the day to day experience of him being grumpy/in a bad mood/ill/impatient and all the other stuff which enables us to have a more realistic assessment of another person.

 

To be honest, this wouldn't be a good state of mind to be entering into a relationship even if you were both single, seductive though it might be. It will be all too easy for you to excuse and minimise unacceptable behaviour (as you are with his planned cheating). I've got a lot of sympathy with this (I wish I'd paid more attention to my ex-partner's history of domestic violence, for example) but please, for your own sanity, cut him out of your life.

 

If you like, tell him that you don't wish to hear from him again unless he is single and potentially available for a relationship. Then cease all contact.

 

When I said that you don't have any information that would enable you to assess what this guy is really about - that's not entirely true. What you do have is concrete evidence that he will cheat on a long term partner, both emotionally and physically. You really don't need that in your life.

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