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Not giving Back in the Bedroom


rectifiedmonst

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I feel kind of embarassed about this but I'm frustrated that my GF isn't reciprocating sexual acts. I've been doing oral on her for three months now and she really seems to be enjoying it, but she hasn't been doing the same for me. About a month after I started giving her oral she asked if I would like it done to mem and I said 'yes' but she never did. One night I asked her if she would but instead just gave me a handjob. I feel like I'm putting a lot of effort in to keep her satisfied but I only get handjobs in return and sometimes not even that. We haven't had sex yet even though she says she wants to but says she first wants to get on the pill.

 

Finally, the other night she went down on me but she said not to release in her mouth because she said she is a 'lady', and I agreed so I had to cleanup myself. This made me feel bad because she gets really wet when I go down on her and I don't complain, and acutally like it since it makes me feel like I'm really turning her on.

 

We have had a lot of fights because I feel like she doesn't want to talk about my day and my problems and all of our conversations revolve around her.

 

What should I do, break up with her, or just try to work things out. I'm not saying sex it what I'm all about but I feel like after a year of dating and trying to be a good BF, she could go a little bit further with me. Am I overeacting?

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It does sound a little selfish of her, but maybe the fact that all conversations revolve around her she expect the same in the bedroom? In my last LTR oral only happened on occasion between us, this was because on him I didn't know if I was doing a good job, or he liked it and I was quite unsure of what to do, and I didn't like it on myself cos it made me uncomfortable like what did I look like from that view, or taste like, this obviously stems from my low self esteem. But have you asked her? Is she shy sexually? Or unsure? If say talk about it, but if she's still a bit selfish then move on and find someone more comparable and understanding about give and take

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I wouldn't say you're over reacting so much as you've got a "give to get" attitude.

 

It's clear from what you've written that she is conflicted with what is expected of her in the bed and how she views herself (saying she's a lady.

 

If you need a porn star in the bed, then you're with the wrong chick.

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She may be selfish, but another factor is how is your personal hygiene? Are you clean down there and not smelling bad? If you showered in the morning and now it's evening, that could be part of the problem. Maybe try things in the shower or bath and see if she is more willing. That might help a lot. Another factor is that there is a lot out there that implies that giving a man oral is actually a demeaning act to the woman - thinking about the comment she made about being a lady. So if you get her to do it, maybe make a point of telling her how much you love it, appreciate it, how good she makes you feel, how much you appreciate her for giving you such pleasure, kind of put her on a pedestal a bit and see if that encourages her. Just throwing out some random thoughts here. Could just be selfish and that's that. Could also be that she is just not that interested in sex to begin with if it's been a long time and she is full of excuses for why not.

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Thanks for all the good replies. I think she may be sexually shy and is afraid of not pleasuring me or something. It also could be that she is a bit of a feminist and views oral sex as me dominating her but I just figure that she's returning my favor. I'm always complementing her looks and I put her up on a pedestal daily which is probably why I feel worse about the whole thing. I will admit that I feel attracted to other girls now and flirt with girls in my classes, which is something I wasn't doing 6 months ago. Thanks again!

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I was just going to say that. She may be shy or insecure of what and how to do it. Unfortunately, women aren't always as comfortable as men. Maybe you can talk her into getting toys and start making it fun and maybe she will relax and feel more comfortable talking to you and then performing. That is a hard one. Good luck.

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or she may just not like the taste/texture/consistency of sperm. Lots of women don't. Some men dont' like the taste of women's juices. To each their own... they have a right to their preferences.

 

Stop putting her on a pedestal. You're making her responsible for being your ideal when she is only who she is.

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I think you gotta explain to her that it goes two ways. For example imagine if you were just using your hands on her.. how would she feel?

And the 'Lady' part in my opinion is absolute bull. It's social conditioning and quite an old fashioned belief. You don't need to be a pornstar to swallow.

Swallowing is healthy, look it up, google it. If her reasoning is that she doesn't like the taste it's probably to do with your diet or either hygiene. Blowjobs are great otherwise and I can't figure any other reason why she wouldn't want to go down on you unless she's not attracted to you sexually. It could also be that she has a fear of pregnancy, this is why she could be delaying sex and also gettin your bodily fluids involved.

The feminism bit seems rubbish too. The overall message of feminism is female empowerment. Would your girl not feel empowered if she could make you cum and turn you on?

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Okay, I'll talk to her soon and mention that I don't feel satisfied by what's been going on and see where that goes. Otherwise I think I might have to end it because I don't see a point in staying in a relationship where things are so one-sided. I feel that after a year I have earned more! Thanks everyone!

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I feel that after a year I have earned more

 

Unfortunately being good doesn't always earn us brownie points. Selfishness and a reserved mind are not overall attractive traits. I think it's admirable you have managed it this long, how is your self esteem in general?

There could be some hang ups there you can explore with her particularly if she is young since young females often have shame attached to sex.

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Are you willing to bail completely on a relationship simply because she won't put your penis in her mouth? Forgive me for being so blunt, but if you are willing to bail on the relationship over something like this, what will you do when real challenges arrive? Is it such a bad thing that she doesn't want to perform oral the sex on your because she doesn't want it in her mouth? I have always heard the saying that if she likes to suck and swallow, she will like to do it on any man who allows her to do so. My personal opinion is that you are being a selfish person. If she is caring for your sexual needs on a regular basis and is at least willing to use her hand, what is the big deal over her mouth?

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Sounds to me like you need to communicate more openly with her. I see a lot of assumptions being made.

She might be shy, she might have inhibitions because of her upbringing, she might be a feminist, whatever. The only way to find out is to talk openly about it with HER instead of asking a bunch of strangers on the internet. Could it also be that she is too sexually inexperienced?

At the end of the day, maybe you should stop giving her oral until you clarify what is really going on since you feel that you are taken advantage of and are resenting her for it afterwards. However, breaking up with her instead of communicating what is really bothering you sounds to me rather immature and definitely not something a good boyfriend would do.

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Sorry to sound like I'm complaining too much...it's hard to convey feelings over an internet forum. I suppose I have a lot of pent up feelings about our relationship that might just stem from so incompatibility. It's not all about getting oral or full blown sex. I wish I had started talking to her about these things a long time ago instead of bottiling them up.

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Are you planning to talk to her now you think? I'm sure it is hard to convey a whole relationship dynamic in writing. Definitely good to communicate everything first. Are you both quite young?

 

I disagree with boomer411, you are not being selfish and I dare to wonder wonder where boomer411 gets his/her ideas from..Oral sex, giving and receiving can be a very beautiful exchange of love and wanting you partner to be happy. His penis is not separate to him and if she treats it with disgust or doesn't seem bothered then he's bound to feel unwanted PARTICULARLY since he regularly goes down on her. Does that make him cheap too, is he gonna do it on any random woman just because he does it on her?

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What should I do, break up with her, or just try to work things out. I'm not saying sex it what I'm all about but I feel like after a year of dating and trying to be a good BF, she could go a little bit further with me. Am I overeacting?

 

Real talk, you're being a chump. She's been putting off getting on BC for a whole YEAR -- that means she has no intentions of ever having sex with you.

 

My boyfriend would never stand for that. He's not a jerk about it, nor did he issue any ultimatums. In the early days (first few weeks after being official) he asked me why I was holding off on having sex and shared his feelings about it (why it was important to him and that he was insecure about if I was as attracted to him as he was to me). We had an honest discussion, he let me know where he stood, and we decided to forge ahead together.

 

That isn't happening in your relationship, OP. Progress has been stagnant. She's quite satisfying with you servicing her and her having the upper hand in your relationship. You've gone along with it willingly. Now it's time to decide if you feel you deserve better or not.

 

If so, then stand up for yourself. Honestly, she sounds so selfish that you should move on.

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It could also be that she has a fear of pregnancy, this is why she could be delaying sex and also gettin your bodily fluids involved.

 

Fear of pregnancy is a common reason for women to delay sex. And understandable one too, if you have yet to work out birth control.

 

However, after a YEAR this excuse doesn't hold up. She could have gotten on the pill, the path, or an UID by now if she truly wanted to sex with the OP. Where there's a will, there's a way! The fact that she hasn't show through her inaction having sex with her boyfriend isn't a priority for her.

 

The feminism bit seems rubbish too. The overall message of feminism is female empowerment. Would your girl not feel empowered if she could make you cum and turn you on?

 

I don't know, different women have different ideas about what's "feminist". There's first, second, and third wave feminism (i.e., appearing in Girls Gone Wild is empowering! :stupid: )

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She has said that she definitely wants to lose her virginity with me but that was months ago and she still hasn't gone to PP to get the pill. I offered to use condoms but she said that we need both the pill and condoms. Sometimes when I'm down on her she says "I wish we could do it," and when I offer to do it right now she shakes her head no.

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Stop flirting with other girls. That is a breach of trust and the wrong way to deal with issues in a relationship.

 

If your unhappy-break up with her if your answer is to flirt with others

 

or else grow up and have an adult conversation with her. She is not a child. She is 23. Shes been with you for a year! She either wants to have sex with you or she doesn't. So ask her straight: does she want to sleep with you? If yes, when?

 

Also ask her straight why does she not reciprocate oral? Tell her you feel neglected sexually and you are beginning to feel frustrated.

 

Be assertive and get to the point.

 

personally I think you have wasted too much time on her already. She is a prude and I doubt things will get better

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rectifiedmonst, I haven't read the other people's replies to your post; only your post. However, if she is not compatible with you sexually now, then there is a good chance that you will be very very frustrated sexually if you stay with her. Especially if it is early in the relationship, it may be in your best interest to break-up. It is no fun being in a long-term relationship with someone who is not sexually compatible with you. The whole "I'm a lady thing so I don't want to touch your cum" type of sexual orientation would leave most men extremely sexually frustrated and sexually unhappy. If she does not like a man's cum, then maybe she should try having a relationship with another woman to see if she would be happier being in a gay relationship which in and of itself would be completely ok. But you should also be with someone who will make you happy.

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