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Only had sex with one girl and walking down the aisle soon


couchpotato110

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Hi,

 

I recently googled "only slept with one person getting married" and managed to stumble upon this website. So here's my story so you all can get a better understanding of what I'm going through.

 

My wife (we got legally married when we were 20 in a courthouse after joining the military, but never had a proper wedding/ceremony) have been together on/off for almost 10 years now. I'm 26 now, we started dating in our senior year of high school when I was 17 and have never lost contact since. We got legally married when we were 20 so we could be stationed together during our enlistment in the military. Recently, we've begun thinking about starting a family, but we wanted to have a proper wedding/ceremony before doing so. My wife has been the only woman I've been with sexually and has been my only serious partner. We've had problems in the past year with me wondering about other women and what it would be like to sleep with or have a relationship with someone else. I've tried keeping these thoughts locked away, but at times (like in Vegas with a buddy) the temptation really starts to take a toll. I love my wife to death and have experienced so much with her; emotionally, mentally, and sexually, but I don't know why these thoughts don't go away. My wife has slept with one other guy since we started dating in high school, but she knows I'm the one she's want to be with for the rest of her life. I don't want to walk down the aisle and still have these piercing thoughts about other women. Our sex life hasn't been the greatest for the past two years because of emotional issues we were going through as a couple so maybe that is the source of my thoughts. Our romance has also been lacking because of the same reasons. I know she's my soulmate and I wouldn't trade her for anyone, I just wish I didn't have these feelings of curiosity. I've never personally met anyone who's been in a similar situation so I haven't heard much feedback. Please let me know your thoughts and I'm happy to answer any questions. Thank you.

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I'm not sure what it is you're asking of us. You're in a heck of a bind, that's for sure.

 

At the end of the day, pink is pink is pink. What makes it so much better is the emotional connection you have with the woman. To get an emotional connection requires you spending time with her to get to know her and in order to do that, you would have to divorce your wife first and then set about finding women who even want an emotional connection with you in the first place.

 

I think you're suffering from "grass is greener" syndrome. You've been with your wife for a good 7+ years and you have much more you need to explore with her. If you feel stuck, see a marriage therapist (which I would recommend before doing a huge blow out wedding). Also, you two should book a week at an all inclusive, romantic resort where there is nothing but the two of you there focusing on one another.

 

I think that those feelings you've got can be resolved without breaking your wife's heart and trust.

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Well....read around these boards some on how "wonderful" single life is - cheating, lying, anxiety, rejection, rejection, rejection, rejection, rejection, break ups, fear of STD's.......woohoo! Totally being sarcastic here. The grass is not greener and the best sex is with someone you know and have that emotional and physical connection with...and practice too.

 

Anyway, it sounds like the two of you need to reconnect as a couple, as friends and romantically as well. Put those rough two years behind you. Start doing something romantic things for each other, start going out on dates, maybe do a romantic weekend getaway if you can. Surprise each other in a pleasant kind of way. Get out of the rut of the every day life and chores on a regular basis. You really need to do this before you have the kid, because once you have the kid you'll have even more challenges to deal with. You have to be strong as a couple going into it.

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What emotional issues have you two been going through? Are you on the path of duking it out?

 

Was your sex life ever good? Can you add new things in the bedroom, new positions, toys?

 

I have over 12+ friends that married to their first sexual partner (lost their virginity with), and are happily married with children. And started dating around 18.

 

I have one friend who's wife brought up banging others just because they've never been with someone else. He agrees...she had a long affair, kicked him out of the house, and there is always a custody issue with their 5 year old son. And three years later, he is now putting his life back together.

 

If you really love her, don't let her bang other people, and don't bang others. Fight! Fight! Fight till you've exhausted all possible solutions, and I don't think you have.

 

First fix your emotion issues.

 

And stop going to Vegas! Instead, take a romantic trip with your wife.

 

Then try:

 

Taking intimacy classes together...link removed.

Go see a marriage counselor.

Role play with costumes.

Go on actual dates!

Take a fun class together or climbing, scuba, photography, dancing, whatever lessons

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I can understand your 'curiosity' there...

 

With this sneaking up on you now,, i wonder if it's like a '7 year itch' thingy? And will go away?

 

Really- asides from these thoughts/curioisty, with that 'love' you have for her.. why are you 'thinking' of sleeping with other women now? I knew a few people from high school, who married their sweethearts and still happily together today.

So- if this is bugging at you now, i'm not sure if it'll continue or pass?

 

In all honesty, i dont think you should be having these 'thoughts'.. especially if you are in love...

BUT- I know and have learned that it is VERY possible you're having these thoughts, because of were you're lacking now in your relationship.

>>" Our sex life hasn't been the greatest for the past two years because of emotional issues we were going through as a couple so maybe that is the source of my thoughts. Our romance has also been lacking because of the same reasons"

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And please keep posting - I think you just need to really vent, and hash things out with us and your lady!!

 

I've been around the block a lot, and even though it's retarded to tell you like you're a blind person, and I'm saying the sunrise is just no big deal...but sex is something you can both improve on, grow together, and teach eachother, and work out kinks together. I've been with over 35 partners, and in the long-run, it's moot - it's nothing in comparison to the passion I feel for my hubby.

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I think you should work on fixing the issues in your marriage. After 5 years with my partner-we still flirt with each other, have lots of affection, laugh a lot together and our sex life is really good. We try to spice things up. I occasionally buy a sexy outfit or toys we can try, we try new positions, he found my gspot... sex gets better and better

 

I have only been with one other person before him. It was kinda a one night stand and it was awful. If you don't have that emotional connection then sex is just like masturbating inside someone.. its over rated and crap.

 

Quality over quantity is always better. You married her, you committed to stay faithful and to fight for your marriage throughout the bad times. So stop going to vegas. If your wife really is your "soul mate" then you and she will mate for life to the exclusion of ALL others

 

you are craving others as a way to distract yourself from the issues in your relationship. Fix those issues and the urge will go away or get a divorce

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I think it's normal to have these feelings of curiosity. It's a bit of 'grass is greener' syndrome.

 

Chances are if you were to split you'd end up missing her and the life you share.

 

Sex is so much better with someone you really love and care for and share a life with.

 

To be honest I never even think about the sex I had with the people I was with before my husband.

 

But what you are feeling is completely normal. Curiosity is normal.

 

I have a few friends that have only been with eachother and they seem happy enough. Two of my friends have been together since they were 14 and they are eachothers firsts and lasts. Obviously I don't know what goes on behind closed doors but they seem happy enough.

 

There are ways to keep things 'fresh' and 'new' in a relationship. Dating. Movie nights etc.

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Men are very sexual beings. It is part of our nature, and i have found that there are times when my own mind wonders and wants to be unfaithful. First of all, take it from me that sex with another woman isn't any different than with the woman you are currently married to. The allure of conquest is a natural drive for men, but the reality is that it really isn't much different from one person to the next. At least not enough to make it worth throwing a marriage away over. I have found that when there isn't enough intimacy and that the sex life in my marriage isn't up to par that I have a tendency to look at other women more often. I also find that the urge to sleep with other women is also there. But at the end of it all, you will have to decide whether the comforts of marriage with someone who should be your best friend is really worth giving up for maybe an hour of fun with someone else.

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I don't want to walk down the aisle and still have these piercing thoughts about other women.

 

Dude, you're already married! Why is having a ceremony bringing all of this to a head? It's just a formality. Whether you have the party or not, you two will still be married.

 

Our sex life hasn't been the greatest for the past two years because of emotional issues we were going through as a couple so maybe that is the source of my thoughts. Our romance has also been lacking because of the same reasons. I know she's my soulmate and I wouldn't trade her for anyone, I just wish I didn't have these feelings of curiosity. I've never personally met anyone who's been in a similar situation so I haven't heard much feedback. Please let me know your thoughts and I'm happy to answer any questions. Thank you.

 

Well, to be honest I can't relate. I don't have a craving for sexual variety in terms of sleeping with multiple people. For me, mixing up the sexual acts is the variety I'd prefer (for example doing the same exact thing every single time would be boring after awhile).

 

Maybe what you need to address is the lack of passion in your marriage. Do you and your wife try new things together? Or share mutual interests/activities that make you feel alive? Or is live pretty routine? The latter could be the root cause of your sex life waning.

 

Reclaim the spark outside of the bedroom and it will ignite the passion between you. Then try out new things in bed! Roleplaying different scenarios or having sex in different locations may quench your desire for sexual variety without turning to another woman.

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I don't think OP is craving "variety". I think hes curious as hes never been with anyone else which is probably normal to wonder what its like but it will likely just be the same except waayy more awkward and meaningless. I suggest you fix your sex life with your wife.

 

If your with someone you are sexually compatible with then its worth holding onto as its not an easy thing to find.

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No not at the path of duking it out. She suffers from PTSD and it has taken a major toll on our relationship. She's in a much better place for the past year after a lot of therapy and counseling.

 

Our sex life has never been bad, we just didn't have it very often while she was emotionally unstable. My wife can get very freaky so I'm definitely open to trying new things (toys, positions, etc).

 

Thanks so much for all the advice! This really helps a lot and it seems like the majority of the people are telling me the same thing.

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I agree with you completely. We have had issues that have affected the romance in our marriage and if we can fix that then I believe these thoughts I had will go away. My therapist said the same thing. She said usually people feel this way when they are not satisfied in a certain area of their marriage. I am committed and have never cheated and do not plan on doing it now. I just want to resolve our problems and continue to grow with her.

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Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. I'm happy to know that I'm not the only one that feels this way and it's nice to hear feedback from others who have felt the same. I'm still young and am looking for guidance so I can make the best decisions possible. I don't want to lose the woman I have and it's nice to hear most people agree.

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No not at the path of duking it out. She suffers from PTSD and it has taken a major toll on our relationship. She's in a much better place for the past year after a lot of therapy and counseling.

 

Our sex life has never been bad, we just didn't have it very often while she was emotionally unstable. My wife can get very freaky so I'm definitely open to trying new things (toys, positions, etc).

 

Thanks so much for all the advice! This really helps a lot and it seems like the majority of the people are telling me the same thing.

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I agree with you completely. We have had issues that have affected the romance in our marriage and if we can fix that then I believe these thoughts I had will go away. My therapist said the same thing. She said usually people feel this way when they are not satisfied in a certain area of their marriage. I am committed and have never cheated and do not plan on doing it now. I just want to resolve our problems and continue to grow with her.

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Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. I'm happy to know that I'm not the only one that feels this way and it's nice to hear feedback from others who have felt the same. I'm still young and am looking for guidance so I can make the best decisions possible. I don't want to lose the woman I have and it's nice to hear most people agree.

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Our sex life hasn't been the greatest for the past two years because of emotional issues we were going through as a couple so maybe that is the source of my thoughts. Our romance has also been lacking because of the same reasons.

 

I don't think this is so much to do with her being your only partner. It's more what can happen in a long term monogamous relationship if you don't actively look for things that are new to bring in some excitement and romance.

 

I'd talk to her and ask her if there's anything she's wanted to try and felt awkward about. And come up with some fantasy material of your own. Toys, touch experimenting, roleplay - whatever sounds like FUN and something you would only, of course, want to try with the person closest to you.

 

Worst case is some of the ideas ya'll have end up with you limp from laughter instead of sex

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It's perfectly normal to ask yourself 'what if' especially since you got together so young, but keep this in mind: Party or not, you guys are still married. The ceremony is just that - a ceremony. When you graduate from high school, you don't have to actually attend the ceremony in order to have the diploma. This marriage is no less "serious" just because you haven't "walked down the isle".

 

It sounds like your curiosity is more because of the problems you have been having than it is with anything else. I second the recommendation that you see a marriage counselor. PTSD can take a HUGE toll on someone and on a relationship. It is normal for a relationship to have a bumpy period sexually...

 

but keep this in mind: If you were single, you would be constantly trying to meet women to sleep with and you would have to go through all the awkward first date rituals, the messiness of "is she interested or not?", the awkward first date sex (complete with the "is she enjoying this" stress), only to then move on to trying to meet he next woman. Married guys at least have the potential for regular sex, provided the relationship is healthy.

 

Work on your marriage and forget what 'might have been'. I have only ever had sex with my husband (fooled around with other guys) but he is the only man I want and will ever want.

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