Problem

[ThatwasThen]

Hes not gonna dump her guys. Hes hooked. Op you will learn the hard way

well thats his perogatve. We are just here to give advice, guidance, opinions. Its up to the op what they do with what we have to say, ultimately.

[Iggles]

I never masturbated before loosing my virginity, and I still came and enjoyed the h*ll out of it! In fact, I didn't start masturbating until several months after loosing it, and didn't make myself cum until a year after I started having sex.

 

Ha. I'm another late bloomer. I also didn't masturbate until after I had sex.. I tried a few times when I was a younger but I had no idea what I was doing! My first partner was also a virgin but he was pretty knowledgeable about his body and determined to figure me out. We didn't have any problems learning together.

 

Anyway, I agree that a girl being inexperienced isn't an indicator she'll be a bad partner in bed. Her openness towards sex (with her partner) and eagerness for discovery are important factors. (The difference between someone who is eager to jump your bones and someone who is having sex as an ends to a means)

[lerenard]

The problem is not that she never masturbated. She had nice sex life with her ex. Its the fact that she is not sexually attracted to OP.

[JecksPot]

She say's she's sexually attracted to me, I mean, when she gives me bj's or hj's she's really into it. She told me she enjoys giving me pleasure, the frustrating part is me not doing the job back, which is understandable why she doesnt want to do those things and from what I gathered, it takes time for women to get "there". for me I never really explored that sexual side of myself since she was my first, I've been trying to watch videos, I don't think her lack of masturbation came from religious stuff but more because she feels comfortable with it and her small hands, or just doesn't know how to. If I put my hand down there without hesitation and keeping the movements consistent, I am sure it can work. She's been trying to help me, don't get me wrong ladies, she's been trying. I guess is because of nervousness of failing and expecting the usual frustration. Here's an ex. a few days ago, I put my hand down there, we were in the bed with the lights off. I put my hand down there and attempt to run her down, after many attempts, I failed to touch the spot and well, she was helping me out as in doing what I was doing to her. The thing is, it's different because you cant miss touch a at night than touching i clit, maybe it's just me. So, we start talking and after all set and done, we sleep in the "spooning" position. She starts grinding on me, I am going with the flow. After a few minutes, she pulls my out and puts in between her legs, to rub off between her clit and the movements starting going fast(no penetration), it was going fast and then I come.

 

After it stopped she became completely frustrated because she told me wanted to there, I thought she wanted to feel me rub off there because she told me before she loved that. So I miss the cue of the ing, which frustrated me as well. If I was more aware, mid way I would have gone to the bathroom and got a condom but it didn't happen, after that she said she feels neglected, like I don't care, and how I just don't listen. That's why I am trying to learn from the advice everyones here giving me, I mean, looking at videos, learning more about the body, the thing is, working on that anxiety of entering sex with the hit or miss attitude and the hesitation.

[ThatwasThen]

Ha. I'm another late bloomer. I also didn't masturbate until after I had sex.. I tried a few times when I was a younger but I had no idea what I was doing! My first partner was also a virgin but he was pretty knowledgeable about his body and determined to figure me out. We didn't have any problems learning together.

 

Anyway, I agree that a girl being inexperienced isn't an indicator she'll be a bad partner in bed. Her openness towards sex (with her partner) and eagerness for discovery are important factors. (The difference between someone who is eager to jump your bones and someone who is having sex as an ends to a means)

POINT here is that you "tried" you were congnizant of your own sensuality/sexuality and you had an inexperienced partner like yourself. Your scenerio is nothing like the Op's.

[ThatwasThen]

The problem is not that she never masturbated. She had nice sex life with her ex. Its the fact that she is not sexually attracted to OP.

 

I disagree. If you are correct, then she is staying with him out of habit rather then love which is a good reason for Op to end this now before it gets anymore non-sensical to remain.

 

She's been trying to help me, don't get me wrong ladies, she's been trying.

My suggestion:She should help herself by perfecting how to get herself there without your help.

 

Have you ever asked her if she has faked her orgasms with her ex?

[JecksPot]

I did, she didn't from what she tells me. She said she can never get stimulation from intercourse, she hates it because it hurts.

[LiquidSoul]

Look dude, you really need more confidence in the bedroom. That's your main problem. I know it's hard because your nervous and she's your first so your innexperienced BUT you really need to learn some moves.

 

Research the female body, please do watch some porn, there are also plenty of instructional videos on how to give oral by proffessional porn actresses on the web, just google it.

 

I did, she didn't from what she tells me. She said she can never get stimulation from intercourse, she hates it because it hurts.

 

You need to rub her clit while having sex with her, RUB HER CLIT! Trust me on that one.

[ThatwasThen]

She said she can never get stimulation from intercourse, she hates it because it hurts.

Good lord. You're with an issued young lady that doesn't know her own body and is likely having muscle spasms out of some kind of fear. Was her last relationship abusive. Has she ever been sexually abused?

 

You won't listen but you really should break up with her and get with other women to get your experience. She's going to eventually affect your dangly bits from standing at attention before you're done if you don't.

 

Why does it hurt her? Unless you are ramming it in without her being lubricated then it shouldn't hurt. Are you doing that?

 

What, if anything have you done to try and make this better for both of you since you started this thread and have gotten so many good suggestions? If you've done nothing then I have to ask what's wrong with you?

[lerenard]

If you are correct, then she is staying with him out of habit rather then love which is a good reason for Op to end this now before it gets anymore nonsensical to remain. that is exactly what I wrote before on this thread. She is there with him because it is better then to be alone, not because she passionately loves him. Withdrawing sex and telling your BF he suck in that apartment, and it hurts, and she loves him, but like a friend and isn't sexually attracted to him as much as she was to her abusive ex is just a sick, sick, relationship.

[bulletproof]

Had sex for the first time at 17. Didn't masturbate until 26. In my case, the quality of the sex I had from 17 to 26 was just fine.

And fast forward to my thirties- I dated a guy who was lovely, we were the best of friends, he was good-looking, very sweet- but we were absolutely incompatible sexually from start to finish.

I would say you two are incompatible sexually, which is sad, but does sometimes happen. I don't see this getting better, I'm sorry.

[Adama]

I don't know if this will help you, my wife and I have been married for over 12 years. A few months ago, she said that she read on the internet that women feel great when their partner inserts their finger (or fingers) and moves it up and down - in other words raising your finger up towards the front of her body and then back down towards the back -- up and down as opposed to in and out, etc. When she gets really going and into it, lift more/higher I guess you could say (the sensation as if you are lifting her body up with that motion but obviously not actually doing so). So I did that and she seemed to be in quite a bit of pleasure and squirted like crazy. I was thinking afterwards, WOW, how come I never knew about that before? I don't think you can learn that kind of thing from porn. Try that! I do it every time now and she really likes it. Also, an earlier commenter also mentioned to rub her clit during intercourse. My wife sometimes likes that also; though sometimes she doesn't. Another is doing the same thing when you are both standing with fingers going to the front and fingers going to the back at the same time. Seems to also be pleasurable. I've only been with 3 women my whole life so I don't have many perspectives from many different people. I don't think she should be bashing on you though. It's about mutual pleasure; not some assignment or house chore. You might just want to try different things and see what gives her pleasure.

[shelty24]

OP she needs foreplay. You need to seduce her. Start by kissing, licking, nibbling her nipples.. slowly move down her body kissing and finger her for a minute. Then gently lick around her clit-tease her a bit until you feel her getting wetter. Look up oral tips online.

 

Its good if you gently stimulate her g-spot like bsgcic said whilst stimulating her clit with your tongue. You can also use your other hand to stimulate one of her nipples. If you do it right-she will orgasm.

 

Have intercourse AFTER she orgasms for now as she will be wet enough and it wont hurt. Over time you can then learn new ways to make her orgasm.

 

Don't bother watching porn for tips by the way. Most porn is fake and focused on male pleasure. You will just learn bad habits that don't work.

 

Look up educational sex videos or articles.

 

Good luck

[Adama]

I forgot to mention what shelty24 said above. Actually, that's a great post by the way! I usually also give her oral on her clit while doing that. She seems to like it. A thought just came to mind, I hope you're not shy in the bedroom. That certainly would not be good for giving her pleasure.

[shelty24]

If hes shy-he needs to snap out of it LOL. I still think that he will learn more with a different gf. This one is a bad teacher and gets angry that he can't read her mind. She is crushing his confidence which really isn't fair.

 

I remember my bf used to always hit a sensitive spot which made me tell him "move up" or "move left" LOL. Eventually I pointed and said don't touch this spot directly-move around it in future coz it's just too sensitive and it made a big difference.

 

You need to be able to tell him "that works, keep doing that" or "don't do that again" obviously without knocking his confidence or being b**chy. I think if hes willing to learn, its easy to teach and OP is more than willing to learn but its not working. The problem is her

[Adama]

Ya, I would definitely agree. OP seems like a great guy. Actually, being given helpful pointers during sex like you described above would be awesome. My wife does only a little bit; but not much. Leaves me to explore and guess by her reactions. You know, a guy isn't and has never been a woman and really only knows what works and doesn't by the info/sensed reaction he gets from his partner. I think every woman is different and the more your partner shares, the better you can be to please her.

[shelty24]

Just ask her. Your obviously progressing/learning new things which keeps it fresh and more exciting. I think me and my bf have learned something new every 6-12 months which keeps sex interesting. We were both inexperienced but it was never an issue. We learned gradually and it has always been good.

 

But just ask your wife to give you some feedback occasionally and try to initiate conversations about sex. The more you talk about it-the more open you become to each other and she may become more comfortable expressing her sexuality.

 

Look up things together-new things you can explore. Now that you have figured out her g-spot there's lots of things you can do with that (like try to make her squirt during sex)

[Adama]

Ya, that is a great point. I've tried asking her a bit, but she does not seem open to talking about it or being direct. When she told me about reading about the up/down hand movement on the internet, I was in unbelievably amazing joy inside that she was telling me something specific that I could try. She is not so interested in trying or exploring new things which is different than me. We're actually kind of sexually incompatible and thus I sort of just adjust to what she likes and I guess she adjusts a bit for me as well. She was born and lived in Asia (i.e., is Asian) until she was 30 and grew up in a different, much more conservative culture and seems to think that proper sex is just the basics and that the masses do not explore new things, etc. For many very complicated reasons, I am definitely committed to this for the long-term and will compromise my sexual interests for the sake of the marriage. It is pretty frustrating (in terms of sex life and actually other things) inside though. But, what can you do? (To put things in perspective, I would sacrifice my life without hesitation to save the lives of any of our three little kids.)

[ThatwasThen]

Had sex for the first time at 17. Didn't masturbate until 26. In my case, the quality of the sex I had from 17 to 26 was just fine.

How was it for your partner?

And fast forward to my thirties- I dated a guy who was lovely, we were the best of friends, he was good-looking, very sweet- but we were absolutely incompatible sexually from start to finish.

Yes that happens even with people who do masturbate before having their first sexual intercourse.

I would say you two are incompatible sexually, which is sad, but does sometimes happen. I don't see this getting better, I'm sorry.

I'd say that too. While adding that: She doesn't know how to teach and he can't help her when that is the case.

[bulletproof]

How was it for your partner?

My reviews were good.

 

She doesn't know how to teach and he can't help her when that is the case.

 

I don't know that it's her job to teach. I also don't know that her lack of being able to teach is related to her not masturbating. When it is a solid case of sexual incompatibility (which we don't know for sure, but it certainly seems that way), there is no teaching that can help.

[ThatwasThen]

Well i disagree with that because she clearily can't teach if she herself cant even bring herself to orgasm. I dont see how any one else would be able to. Just a guess but i also suspect shes lied about having orgasmed in the past.

 

Its quite easy to guide and nurture someone into being a good lover if you know your own body, you are not orgasmically lacking yourself and you are not a cow about how it like op's gf appears to be.

 

- congrats on your own good reviews.

[shelty24]

Culture differences can be tough when it comes to sex. The only thing I can recommend to make her more open is to buy her a book on female sexuality. Read it yourself first and make sure its only saying positives like "masturbation is healthy, let your inner goddess out, women are highly sexual beings who shouldn't suppress it, sexual exploration keeps a relationship strong" etc I read one ages ago but It was too hardcore and I felt it was objectifying and written by a narcissistic man whose only aim was power and brainwashing to get his own fantasies met (like anal, threesomes) make sure its not one like that lol

 

You could also watch some documentaries together. There are things on TV occasionally that give couples tips. I can't remember the names but I watched a few where couples were getting help

[Adama]

Thanks. That's a great idea! I'm fluent in her language - Japanese (we lived and I worked for a company in Tokyo for 8 years) and thus ordering a book that also has a translation in her native language would probably be best. She would definitely be turned off if the book went off the deep end. I think it should be a kind of medical/techniques/instructional? book centered on ways for women to (with and without their partner) reach orgasm.

 

She says she has never reached an orgasm with a man. But, that leaves me confused because sometimes when she is appearing to have a real lot of pleasure (always via foreplay rather than intercourse) and suddenly it is like she is overcome with some kind of sensation because she suddenly like arches her back, grips the sheets, her legs go sort of straight out, and she is in her own place. When I ask her later afterwards if it was an orgasm (hoping that I finally gave her one), she always says that it wasn't or that it was maybe a little one. If they're not an orgasms, then what are they? Man, women's bodys are really complex. Maybe she just had some kind of amazing orgasm via masturbation at some point earlier in her life and cannot get to that point of reproducing it with a man (in this case her husband)?

 

In terms of some adventure, earlier in our marriage, before we had kids, she was actually more exploratory. Sometimes, we actually even put on a porn movie in the background and acted it out with the movie. That was really fun for both of us. Actually, we even tried anal and she seemed a little into it. But when we tried it again, she said it was painful and that was the end of that. (Actually, that was kind of exciting for me - who is interested in trying things.)

 

I am guessing that our being older now, school schedules for two of our three kids, one whos been going through the "'hey I have my own opinions!' Twos" just turned 3-year old, my business with the growth of my company (though I am able to run it from my home office), and her pmdd all take their tolls. The pmdd is actually pretty tough and started after she stopped breast feeding our third child when he was a year and a half. She medically became a new person with her normal self part of her cycle and this new person in the latter part of her cycle - even scares the kids with all the yelling at them. But what can you do?

[Adama]

I just realized. She probably would not want the book because she would be concerned about it in the house with the kids and when we have my parents over for a visit, etc. (even with it in a secure place). She used to enjoy when we included using a vibrator during foreplay, but, had me throw them away after our first child became around 4?. Thanks for the suggestion though!

[Adama]

This thread actually helped us. We've been married for about 12 and a half years and I did the above and she said it was the best yet. Still couldn't get her to orgasm because she told me to start intercourse after a long while. Anyway, * thank you! * (Actually, afterwards, in the shower, she said it is rare for her to even be able to reach orgasm from masterbating - wow, its so complex!!)