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How Do I Date a "Badboy"?


toxikk

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Can anyone share some experience or general rules about dating badboys?

 

Last weekend I started seeing a guy that I met at work 6 months ago. We were instant friends but I would classify him as a bad boy which is opposite of myself, and I am finding this experience to be somewhat of a rollercoaster. If you need to know details about the situation just ask. I'm so attracted to him physically and he's funny, friendly, outgoing, confident and popular but he's also very irresponsible. Should I be demanding with certain things? like that he be on time more often....or How much of his history should I know? can a woman change a bad boy into a decent man? How long do I wait to see changes that he promises? When should I stop making excuses for him? Did he come into my life for a reason? or vice versa? When does the thrill wear off?

 

I really appreciate any advice or experiences that you could share with me.

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Rule No 1: Don't date a bad boy!

 

Seriously though, if he is totally opposite to you or to what you want in a boyfriend then I wouldn't even go there because he will just disappoint you over and over again. You can't demand things from him because you don't really have any right to demand anything from anybody, especially when you already know what they are like. Plus he may likely run in the opposite direction if you try to change him. Unless someone wants to change, you can't expect to change them. If you enter into this then you need to go in with your eyes wide open because I doubt he thinks he even needs to change at this moment in time. Maybe he just needs to mature and settle down … which he will do when he is good and ready.

 

I know that isn't what you wanted to hear but, honestly, if he isn't ready for a the "responsible" aspect of a relationship then, really, you will be hitting your head against a brick wall.

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Are you in love with him or just infatuated? If you go into a relationship thinking you can change someone, chances are it won't work and the relationship will fail. if he's not exhibiting the traits you want now, then he wont exhibit them later down the road. If he's serious about his promises then he should have already started to attempt to make the changes you want. I feel he isn't serious about changing for you and is only making these promises to try and appease you. People can change but trying to force change in an individual who isn't ready is only going to put stress on you and them.

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I think you should stop right there and just take this man for a new man in your life who you are dating ..the end .

 

you are giving him and all other "bad boys" this huge huge ego trip by thinking they need extra thought and a map of what to do next and how you get there .

 

Why treat him any differently than any other man ..you are making yourself vulnerable .

 

 

Should I be demanding with certain things? like that he be on time more often....or How much of his history should I know? can a woman change a bad boy into a decent man? How long do I wait to see changes that he promises? When should I stop making excuses for him? Did he come into my life for a reason? or vice versa? When does the thrill wear off?

 

would you normally be demanding ? would you normally tolerate someone been late all the time ...just do what you would do with any man you meet .

 

how much history do you need to know ..well the same rules apply to whatever history you normally need ...myself personally I get to know someone and over time you find out about that person as stories , experiences get shared .

 

can a woman change a bad boy into a decent man ... decent to whose standards ...he has his own and his own way of doing things ..if that doesn't suit you or any other woman , he, like anyone will move on ...take him for what he is rather than what you can try and make him ...you will fail .

 

when should you stop making excuses ...you should never have started and what excuses are you making for him ?

 

did he come into your life for a reason ..everyone who joins us on our journey has joined us for a reason ...usually that lesson is not learnt for a while or at least you acknowledging that reason .

 

when does the thrill ware off ....when you realise he is just like anyone else .

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Totally agree with star.

 

Dating is dating. You should expect to be treated with respect and as you yourself would treat others. Learning about someone's past is something that happens naturally as you become more involved and open up to each other. No unnecessary "digging" before time should be required, regardless of who they are.

 

There are no rules to dating "bad boys". They are not special people, that need to be handled with care or who should be "moulded" to your specifications. They are who they are and you either date then and accept their bad boy ways or you decide that you are too good to be treated with anything less than respect you deserve and move on.

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When you want a decent boy - go date decent boys, leave bad boys for bad girls, and find someone who is already what you want him to be, instead of taking something totally "not your taste" and trying to change him!

I still agree though that labeling is just bad) Would you be happy if you knew he goes around asking how should he date that "good girl" he met 6 months ago at work and if he should be more demanding with sex or something like that? No, right?

So, my advice is - if you can`t change your views on him from bad guy to just a guy - go get yourself some good guy, so you know "how" to date him.

If you can - just go with it and be happy. If its a roller coaster - have a ride! And I wont advice demanding anything so early into a relationship. Good luck!

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Women have 183405856068955609667 things that can label a guy as a badboy. I have been a badboy to the suburban women i have dated, or the white women i have dated. To the latin women in the city (brooklyn and the bronx mostly), i was just me... or a really sweet and normal guy that is hard to find.

 

What makes this guy bad?

 

I was told i am bad for many reasons, but i have way more good.

 

My ex would just keep telling me to stop talking street, no N word, talk proper english, and stop that weird "swag" walk i do - which i did for her. I stopped being on edge in situations where i wanted to jab someone in the face, i did my best to treat her like a lady instead of F'ing her, i stopped hanging out with guys who had more heat on them then miami basketball fans - only thing i didnt change was how i wanted to dress. I did this because i loved her and wanted her, i was proud of who she was that i didnt mind sharing my life with her that she can improve me in her image- usually i tell friends not to change for anyone- but in this case it did me good.

 

Drugs, liquor, cheating, or some mental disorder brought from a bad childhood is something else... thats on another level... I would bow out.

 

I will admit, having the image and some left over "bad" - but still being loving, honest, passionate and charming has attracted a lot of women to me, even years later. Though lately i have been turning into a big geek.

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Drugs, liquor, cheating, or some mental disorder brought from a bad childhood is something else... thats on another level... I would bow out.

 

I will admit, having the image and some left over "bad" - but still being loving, honest, passionate and charming has attracted a lot of women to me, even years later. Though lately i have been turning into a big geek.

 

You really are a big softie with a "bad boy" image aren't you Thors?

 

Anyway, I would also like to know that makes this guy a "bad boy" because all we have at the moment is that he is a bit irresponsible with his time-keeping (though I an sure there is more to it than that).

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When I started dating my current BF, some could actually call him a bad boy - guitar player in a post rock/hard core band, the clothes he wore, he liked to drink, to stay late, he worked as a bartender, his guy-friends are all kind of crazy, and he is very handsome) But in the inside he is a shy guy, who likes staying home sometimes, burying his head into my lap, and letting me care for him like he is a little kitten)

 

So yeap, I am with others here on the question WHAT makes you label hims as a bad guy?

He drinks a lot/does drugs? Or he is a part of some crazy subculture/gang? Or he has that reputation among other girls?

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There's a book the OP should read by a self-professed bad boy, Steve Santagati, called "The MANual" - all about dating bad boys. A LOT of games are required and you have to dress and act a certain way, according to the author. It seems to me that a bad boy is always thinking there is something better out there (a hotter, younger, "higher value" woman) which is why they behave the way they do. It would be a mistake to be the pursuer or chase a bad boy because it will "lower your value". Having chased a good-looking bad boy myself, I can tell you it usually doesn't work out.

 

If you are interested in a casual fling or just having "fun", then sure, date a bad boy. But if you're looking for a relationship, proceed with caution and be ready to play hard to get!

 

You can find portions of the book online, through Google books.

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If you just want to have fun then simply let him take the lead and ask you out on dates and make sure you're cool with him canceling at the last minute (are you a person who gets stomach aches from that?). As far as sex, I don't think he'll be open to discussing whether he has STDs or what would happen if you got pregnant so you're on your own there -it's your risk to take. Make sure you have good and relatively inexpensive ways of getting tested. I would get that MANual because it's probably more detailed than anything here.

 

I agree with the others that you're playing a silly game by knowing you're dating a "bad boy" and you'll probably try to "change" him and end up very upset if not heartbroken -but if something about it appeals to you sure go for it.

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No, you don't date them! lol.

 

I have(not active right now) a journal about my learning how NOT to date the bad boy. I don't know how you're defining it, but I know the way I did it certainly wasn't a good thing, it was more like 'totally dysfunctional and unavailable boy'.

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How to date a bad boy: Don't.

 

All kidding aside - treat it as fun. It's an experience worth having, but you have to keep in mind that when someone is your polar opposite... they are very likely to disappoint you, and there are probably things they do/say/think that you're not going to understand. Go with the flow, have fun. Be yourself, but also be willing to have some adventures and step outside your comfort zone.

 

That's one of the main benefits to dating someone who isn't your usual "type." You can expand your comfort zone. Which makes you even more attractive.

 

G'luck!

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Not sure what OP means by "bad boy". Does he cheat? Does he participate in illegal activities? Does he treat you poorly? If yes, then you need to evaluate why you think you deserve to be with such a person.

 

Tardiness or flakiness are annoying qualities but that doesn't make a person a "bad boy." But if he consistently prioritizes other things above you (see "treat you poorly") then maybe he's just not that into you.

 

And what do you want out of your dating relationships? Generally, people who are fun but don't prioritize their relationships (this includes family, friends, and loved ones) are just good for fun.

 

And you can't change anyone, nor should you want to. How would you like it if a "bad boy" dates you but says "I'm dating a goody two shoes and I really want her to change XYZ about herself"?

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can a woman change a bad boy into a decent man?
The problem is: If she did, she'd not find him attractive anymore.

 

Check yourself and find out why you want to be with someone that needs changing rather then finding someone that is actually a good guy that you'd be happy with the way he is.

 

How long do I wait to see changes that he promises?
lol. Seriously, you don't let ANYONE go past the first broken promise. If he's promised you then it's obviously that you've discussed his bad behaviour that he's already done. Why would you believe his words while ignoring his piss-poor actions? Yea... check yourself and ask YOU why you're willing to take a chance with your own emotional well being for a player/bad boy that you're not happy with the way he is. He's not changing for you. Don't fool yourself.
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I've dated bad boys when I was between relationships and it would just make for an entertaining night(s) out. I've also known bad boys be loyal and very entertaining friends. But that's as far as it would ever go.

 

Someone who's generally unreliable, irresponsible, all the rest, will sometimes make the effort with a woman who's unattainable i.e. anyone with the good sense NOT to get involved with them, tame them, try to change them, and will just accept them as they are. I've had a few guy friends like this over the years. Having seen the way they treated their girlfriends there's no way I'd have invested in them emotionally, and I suggest you do likewise.

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Without knowing what makes this guy "bad," it's kinda hard for any of us to give relevant advice.

 

But going on what we know, I think it's ok to date this guy as long as you have no serious expectations.

 

And as Shelty said, take him as he is NOW. You're not going to change him, so don't try. That will just make him run, and make your time together miserable.

 

But you CAN handle him in ways that don't leave you burned.

 

For instance:

 

- If he's habitually late, set your dates for 10-30 minutes earlier than you plan on arriving.

 

- If he's a flake, always have a backup activity for yourself in the event he's a no-show.

 

- And until he seems to be taking your relationship seriously, date other people so you'll have a backup.

 

As long as you keep your expectations low and prepare in advance for his shortcomings, it's fine to date the dude IMO.

 

Just don't expect to make him your husband!

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How do you date a "bad boy"? Simple. You just do it. We, as people, are simply animals, and it's in our nature to simply want a desirable partner to mate with. So if you want to sleep with him, by all means, have at it. But don't be afraid of sleeping with other guys on the side; "bad boys" certainly have no qualms about seeking multiple mates, and neither should you.

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You should never go into ANY relationship hoping to "change" someone. People are human beings, not pet projects. Certain compromises are always made for our partners, but nobody should change who they are for someone else. If you feel the need for that to happen, you aren't compatible to begin with. Period.

 

That said, it really depends on what your definition here is of a "bad boy". As others have pointed out, it really depends on what you think of as "bad". Some might see it as the way he dresses or speaks. Some might see a "bad boy" as someone who comes from the "wrong side of town". Others might see it as a guy who is frequently flake-y, disrespectful, or constantly on the look out for the next girl.

 

Some of these aspects are superficial, and others are only going to cause you heartache. If he dresses and acts tough, but underneath is a decent guy who treats you right then there aren't any "rules" for this - just proceed with the relationship.

 

However, if he has so many faults that you are constantly disappointed by him and/or feeling like you have no self esteem or self worth, then this is not a relationship you should want to be in.

 

My husband is the kindest, most UN bad boy like person you will ever meet. He grew up in a REALLY rough area of Glasgow, and a lot of his friends have either ended up dead (suicide/drugs/murder) and/or are living in low class neighbourhoods and struggling with substance abuse problems. Despite his upbringing, he had a really good family and didn't go down any of those routes. In fact, he has told me that many of his friends were encouraged by their parents to hang out with him because he was a good influence on them.

 

His background could have easily led him to be like these guys, but he is the complete opposite - which to me, is really really sexy. I don't understand why you would want to be with someone who is routinely rude, unfaithful, disrespectful, or abuses any kind of substance.

 

If you think you can change someone, you can't.

 

If you are looking for a FWB, then by all means go for it, but if you want something serious you aren't going to find it with a guy like that.

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