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Mixed feelings on seeming mellow


mowerforbloom

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So it seems I have a tendency to be mellow with people that I don't know very well or just in general in group settings. I'm definitely not the type of person that would constantly crack funny jokes in a crowd, even if we can all be informal with each other because were students or something. A huge change occurred recently while in post secondary btw. A full time semester of sciences kind of broke me down because I realized that I didnt like what I was doing, not just that but that I never really had the personality for it and for the longest time I thought It was something I was meant to do. So since then Ive been focusing a lot more on RELATIONSHIPS as I seldom did in the past. Its been good and I think Ive already become a happier person because of it, also I started living in the present (another huge change but anyway...). Despite this though I still have that tendency to just kind of clam up and become introverted, even in situations, like when a cute girl is talking to me, where I dont want to be but actually just want to get to know the person and talk to them more. I would say it comes in alternating episodes but I dont know, Im concerned that its just something Im not used to.

 

So, that was my little ramble, do you have any advice, any similar experiences, any input of any sort(question mark).

 

Well if so I would love to hear it!

 

(please excuse the lack of proper punctuation the keys necessary for proper punctuation became accented letters for some reaseon(question mark * 3!!!!)

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You don't need to be some loud mouthed self centered joker for people to like you. If you are mellow, be mellow, but be a good listener. Invite people to talk about themselves and oddly, they'll think that you are the greatest conversationalist ever even though you don't say much at all. Other than that, the more you socialize, the more comfortable you'll become. Think of it this way - don't try to impress a person with how great you are, be genuinely interested in how they are and people will love you for it. When you are getting tongue tied, I'm guessing it's because you are trying to come up with something clever or impressive and your mind goes blank. Forget about it, and don't make things about yourself. Instead, be genuine - pay a light compliment, ask them about their day, a class, what they think about whatever event you are at and just listen, let them talk and tell you about themselves. Make it about them rather than you.

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I'm sorry I didn't mean to give the impression of wanting to be cocky and showy, that's not my thing and I don't see how those things would be conducive to meaningful relationships. When I gave the group setting as an example I was trying to convey that I didn't feel I was as involved as everyone else. Yes I agree with you on being a conversationalist by making it more about the person your talking to then yourself, by putting more energy into the other person then yourself. On a side note I do feel that there is pressure in our culture to kind of be cocky and self-centered at times, but that may just be because I've seen guys and gals be jerks sometimes. Thanks for the great points, you really highlighted how being social in meaningful ways is making your interactions more about other people then yourself.

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I'm sorry I didn't mean to give the impression of wanting to be cocky and showy, that's not my thing and I don't see how those things would be conducive to meaningful relationships. When I gave the group setting as an example I was trying to convey that I didn't feel I was as involved as everyone else. Yes I agree with you on being a conversationalist by making it more about the person your talking to then yourself, by putting more energy into the other person then yourself. On a side note I do feel that there is pressure in our culture to kind of be cocky and self-centered at times, but that may just be because I've seen guys and gals be jerks sometimes. Thanks for the great points, you really highlighted how being social in meaningful ways is making your interactions more about other people then yourself.

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