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Grew up poor and now living with axiety...I really need some advice


Leona700

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Anxiety has left me emotionally paralazied an incapable to live my life. Its a cycle really. When Im around people I feel a panic attack coming when Im not around people I feel safe but lonely. I grew up poor going to public schools where I was constantly in a state of fear. I had a job at 17 where a manager threatened me in front of people to punch me in my face. I think these experiences have in some way left me feeling inferior to others. When I stand up for myself I don't ever really have the support of my family. I haven't been working for 4 month now and I'm living at home. I want to find a job but i have performance anxiety. Its so painful to feel what I feel. I find myself blaming my parents for many things. On top of that Im dating a guy that's so kind to me but Im not truly in love. Ive been to counseling before and there's nothing my therapist can do for me. Its something I have to overcome on my own.

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I think I can help a little bit, and I can relate to how difficult it is to stand up for yourself in a healthy way. When you stand up for yourself, be prepared. Look your best, which is really important, never raise your voice, have all your points/arguments ready, be ready to address counter attacks and anything that might be hurled your way. It's really important that when you stand up for yourself that you have someone on your side. So never try to defend yourself alone against a group for example. Even a neutral party who gets along with both you and the person you're not getting along with can be really helpful, because the situation can't be escalated too much without the other person looking intolerant and mean.

 

Sometimes if people view you as the easily manipulated one, it's nearly impossible to fix the dynamic. But if you aren't too upset with how someone treated you in the past, then you can slowly start to show you won't tolerate being walked on. It's kind of hard to explain, you don't have to have a big confrontation, just show in little ways how you're stronger. Also, don't be afraid to make new friends or let relationships cool down for a while. Time always makes things better even if some people react badly to you being a stronger person at first.

 

It can all be done without any major confrontations if you're careful.

 

I think you sound pretty self-aware. I almost passed out the first time I stood up for myself lol. But I'm getting better and better every day!

 

The anxiety will ease up the more you face your fears head on. Don't be afraid to be awkward or make embarrassing mistakes. Some of us don't grow up in ideal environments and we have to figure everything out on our own. I think you'll be one of the lucky ones.

 

Be the person you want to be, break up with your bf, being lonely and vulnerable might be just the thing you need to face the reality that you need to make some changes. Either way, I hope you can be brave.

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I suggest you speak to you dr about something for the anxiety, to start with. Im on Cirpalex and it does help.

As for when in therapy, at least they could 'assist' you in ways of 'calming yourself down'.

 

I was in group therapy cpl months ago and these things were discussed. Some things to do, are actually

helpful re; anxiety issues.

 

Eg; breathing techniques- deep breathes in..and out a few times to calm the nerves.

Maybe discuss this with your therapist?

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  • 2 weeks later...

I know exactly how you are feeling. Every day I deal with anxiety as well. As I have a hard time leaving my home. I haven't worked in over a year. I feel horrible because my fiance is working and going to college. I've tried meds also went to therapists. My therapist tries to give me ideas and hand outs on how to deal with this kind of thing. Maybe you can find a clinic/dr that will help you if you are in financial squish. I'm thankful that the place I go to is helping me out I dont have to pay for my visits and meds are extremely cheap. Its a good feeling when you know your not the only one dealing with these problems and have others who deal with it also. Have someone to talk to who understands your feelings and thoughts. Sometimes I feel like therapists don't actually care I hope things start getting better for you. I know its a extremely hard disorder to have. As you know everyone here will be here for you when you need.

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