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Am I on the right track?


Abc90

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So I have started texting a guy i had dated for about two months over the summer. He was someone I really liked and I messed things up because I was going through some things, moved away, and was very inexperienced when it came to dating. He wasn't the most clear on what he wanted either...So I guess the timing was wrong for both of us.

 

Anyway, 5 months later we have started texting again. It is long distance, and he had refused to speak to me for te longest time...so the fact he is even talking to me at all is significant. I am moving back to where he is in about a month.

 

So far we have texted about 2-3 times a week for the past 3 weeks. I have kept things friendly and have not mentioned the past at all. I'm not needy, I don't text him excessively or wait around for his texts (a huge improvement from before). He has been the one to start "flirting" he's asked me if I was dating anyone and also I mentioned we can watch some movies when I get back and he said, "are you going to take advantage of me?"....I've still kept things really friendly and don't plan on doing too much until I see him in person. I also am continuing to date as well.

 

Now I'm not getting my hopes up, but am I playing things the right way? Should I do anything different? I'm just keeping things light and drama free...when I get back in town, I'll ask if he wants to meet up. If it works out this time between us that would be cool...if not totally ok. I just want to give it a chance because I regret the past.

 

So any suggestions?

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Since you already invited him over to watch movies then leave the ball in his court to arrange a proper date. You've given him the impression (from his response) that you'd like to hook up with him. If you actually want to date him then I'd see if he asks you on a proper date once you're living in the same city and keep the texts to a minimum until then.

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No definitely don't want the hook up. I wouldn't even consider it to be honest...not worth it. I think he was trying to be funny...he has asked me other questions about myself to show he is genuinely interested in conversation, not sex.

 

But trust me, I'm not getting my hopes up. Also I can understand why he isn't jumping head first...I'm not really on his radar anymore and I live so far away...and let's face it...I was an emotional mess 5 months ago. Just want to show I've changed.

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"Are you going to take advantage of me" in response to invite to watch a movie...is hook up track.

 

Maybe I should provide some context?

 

He asked me how dating was going, I said fine. I asked him the same question he said things were the same ol same. He goes out when he has time, but not much other than that. Me trying to be cute replied, "well maybe when I get back in town you can find some time to continue our scary movie marathons" He replied "are you going to take advantage of me?" I said, "haha no I'll be too scared to think of you". He replied, "haha. true"

 

I thought the exchange was pretty innocent. I guess not.

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Maybe I should provide some context?

 

He asked me how dating was going, I said fine. I asked him the same question he said things were the same ol same. He goes out when he has time, but not much other than that. Me trying to be cute replied, "well maybe when I get back in town you can find some time to continue our scary movie marathons" He replied "are you going to take advantage of me?" I said, "haha no I'll be too scared to think of you". He replied, "haha. true"

 

I thought the exchange was pretty innocent. I guess not.

 

I'm guessing you are pretty young, because this is extremely naive. Girl invites herself over to watch movies, of course a guy is going to consider that an invitation to hook up. I mean, that's basic-level stuff right there.

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No...I dont think I'm being naive at all. I have had many guy friends that I have invited over to watch movies...and that's all we did...watch the movie. This isn't some random stranger, this is a guy I know. I know his sense of humor and I'm pretty sure he was just making a joke. And even if you guys are right, I would like to see proof of that in person rather than make assumptions over one comment.

 

So anyway, my question was I needed advice on how to proceed from here so when I get back in town he'll want to see me. I haven't mentioned anything about dating or rekindling our romance. We basically are just friends right now. So do I just continue with text? Should we call? Or maybe not talk until I get back into town? He is responsive and initiates texting too. Do I keep it friendly? Or start to be flirty and romantic?

 

If I get back in town and we meet up and he's not interested. So be it. I just want to give it a chance : )

 

Plus I gave myself an extreme makeover and look pretty awesome since last time he's seen me lol

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You are both dating other people...this is fwb. Nothing more.

 

Well of course we are...we're not seeing each other and haven't seen each other/spoken in 5 months. We are just friends and I haven't spoken to him in a romantic way or tried to get back together. We live 15 hrs apart and I'm moving back in 2 weeks.

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You are not friends...you had a short relationship...you live 15 hrs apart.

 

Hey...if you want to hook up, you don't need our advice or okay.

But he isn't looking to get in a relationship with you. You are the one with the agenda.

 

Lol I don't get this? How are we not friends? No one is saying he wants to do anything. In case you haven't noticed, this thread is called getting back together....so of course I have an agenda duh.

 

He is being friendly and we are talking...as friends. All I was asking was what to do to make sure that I don't ruin this. Like I said earlier....if we meet up and just get the friends vibe that's perfectly fine.

 

I can't get with all this negativity and condescending... . I don't even think you answered what I was asking advice on Smh.

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If you want to date him with potential for a relationship ask him out on a date you plan in advance after you move back to his area. You can wait for him to ask you out too -either way.

 

Thanks!! That was the advice I was looking for! So ask him out for coffee, something very casual without pressure and just see what vibe I get from him? I wasn't sure how to approach this so this is helpful!

 

So just keep things cool and casual until then?

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He's been initiating texting with me more and more and last night we spoke for three hours.

 

He has said that he wants to see me as soon as I get back and that he still misses/fantasizes about me. Of course I'll be cautios with this...but am I silly to feel just a little optimistic?

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I'd be optimistic for a hookup. Someone who says they fantasize about you is talking about sex and not love.

 

Keep your cool and see how serious he is about pursuing you for actual dates -- outside, in public, and not just at his place -- after you move back. Good luck with it.

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He's been initiating texting with me more and more and last night we spoke for three hours.

 

He has said that he wants to see me as soon as I get back and that he still misses/fantasizes about me. Of course I'll be cautios with this...but am I silly to feel just a little optimistic?

 

If you are looking for a good roll in the sack, then yes, there's reason to be optimistic. If you are looking for a relationship, then no.

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He's been initiating texting with me more and more and last night we spoke for three hours.

 

He has said that he wants to see me as soon as I get back and that he still misses/fantasizes about me. Of course I'll be cautios with this...but am I silly to feel just a little optimistic?

 

I would assume that unless there is an actual date planned ,time and place, there is no date. I'd stop all the texting/talking unless he has an actual date planned (or you do) -no reason you can't make a plan now, in advance and then keep the chatting to a minimum until then -no 3 hour sexting sessions.

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