Fame1977 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I'm not sure if you have read any of my other posts, but the really short version is that my gf said she needed space and a break. Regardless of advice, I was not going to go NC because she is one my best friends in the world. Something happened, and I got mad, and got confused about what to do, so I thought about it, and decided to go no contact for 2 weeks with the idea that when we speak again, we work on us and give us a fresh start. She had every chance to say it was a dumb idea, she wanted to move on, so on and so forth...but she didn't and she hasn't. It's been a week so far, and it's hard, because again, she's an amazing friend, and although if it's true or not, I don't think either of us really want to 100% end our relationship as an us. I don't think we will stop being friends regardless of what happens. Anyway, my question is this... What should I do, when my own self imposed NC rule is over? I tend to overthink, sadly enough, and I don't know really what to do or say. I didn't think I wanted advice on this, but I dont want to lose her and sound needy, or scare her away. Again this is all on the idea, we are going to work on us. Link to comment
beesknees910 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I would say go along with your NC for the two weeks and check back in with yourself after it's over. Amazing things can change in a week...believe me, I've seen it myself. Don't have a plan on what you're going to do/say after the two weeks is over because most likely, your feelings will change. FYI - i'm not saying you will move on in a week and be over it. I'm just saying things change in a week and whatever you plan on now, may not be in alignment with what you feel next week. Link to comment
Fame1977 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 Well, I know I still want to work it out. But I understand what you are saying. Also, I would hope that she would not lead me on to think there is a chance, and would break the NC to tell me that. Link to comment
melissacole Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 After the two weeks if you still feel the same way as you do now I think you should suggest working things through as you both will feel much calmer after having less contact. Try to be very positive about changing and improving your relationship, building on the good things that already exist between you. Link to comment
shelty24 Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Shes not your friend. She is your ex gf who you still have feelings for. The only reason you want her as a friend is to keep the door open encase she changes her mind. I can tell you straight-she wont. Sure she may get lonely, bored, fed up being single and come back temporarily but then she will just dump you again I learned the hard way being friends with an ex is BS. He just kept trying to get me back and every rejection hurt him more.. its not worth it. That was 6 years ago and I swore I will never be friends with an ex again Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 She ended things because she wanted space. It's been only a week and you are already struggling with NC. So in terms of the dynamics that ultimately drove her to end things, nothing has changed on your end. Still clingy. So, what needs to happen and what you both need to talk about is that. The issues that lead up to the break up and why and how it will be different going forward, not just in lip service but in actions. Link to comment
Twiceborn Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 One of the worst mistakes in my life was no contact, I strongly believe now low contact and self improvement while acting confidence is the way to go. No contact just pushes ex's away, such a stupid rule... Link to comment
Fame1977 Posted January 15, 2014 Author Share Posted January 15, 2014 Well, I couldn't handle the NC rule that I set. The truth is she is my very best friend before we even started dating, and I miss talking to her. So I texted her to tell her that. We aren't officially not a couple as of this posting. I felt better texting her, but now, at the same time, I will feel pretty crappy until I hear from her. Soooooooooo...I can't win. But at least I got the NC monkey off my back. She hasn't texted as of this posting, So I guess the wait continues. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 The more you contact her now.... the more you're pushing her away. It feels better in the moment, but in the long run it's going to cost you. I agree with DancingFool and Shelty above -- she asked for SPACE. You need to find a way to not contact her or you're going to come off as weak and needy.... and how attractive is that? Link to comment
Fame1977 Posted January 15, 2014 Author Share Posted January 15, 2014 I get that. At first though, before any NC happened, she texted me several times, and didnt really want to drop contact. And seemed upset when I suggested it in the first place. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Of course she WANTS to stay in contact.... it will make her feel much, much better to have you there by her side, still loving her and wanting to get back together, while she slowly transitions and acclimates herself to being single! However, when she meets her next boyfriend, the contact with you will end. She will have moved on and found someone else.... and you'll still be right where you are now, waiting and hoping for her to change her mind. This is still very fresh and I'm sure it's all new to you. Here's a guide that was written by a fellow member here. It will help you understand why going No Contact is the best choice for YOU, whether your girlfriend changes her mind about the breakup or not: link removed Link to comment
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