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How do I get rid of these knots in my stomach


anonymous511

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I recently found out that my bf has been texting his rebound...We were together for 11 years, he dated her for 8 months while we were broken up. We have been back together for a year now and have been having problems since he lost this job 3 weeks ago. She sent me the messages two days ago and I asked him to leave (we live together) immediatley, but ever since, I have had these terrible knots in my stomach and horrible anxiety. I keep telling myself tha I will be ok, because when he first started dated her in the past, i had lost 20 pounds and made myself sick over the break up, and I remember feeling the exact same way. I do not want to put myself through this again and want these knots in my stomach to go away.

 

I keep saying, "your going to be ok" "he will regret his decisions" "She is nothing like you" "You gave it your best" "Its not you, its him" "Your beautiful"...I have heard numberous times that I am too good of a woman to even be with him. The other girl is more his speed. she is 4 years younger than me and 7 years younger than him...she still lives with her mom and parties every weekend. She has no bills so when he first started dating her, she would buy him everything. I guess that won him over. His friends tell me that she "bought him". Me and him have a child together, which makes it hard. She buys him sneakers, I put a roof over his head. You can not even compare us. I work full time, plus I am in school and pay all of the bills and take care of our daughter. I cook, clean, support him emotionally and up until 3 weeks ago, we were doing pretty well. I guess since we have been arguing for the past few weeks, he felt like he needed an outlet. well, thats no excuse...I ended the relationship immediatley. I love him, but I am aware that he is "a piece of crap"

 

I just do not want to go through what I went through 2 years ago, and I realize that I put myself in this situation by taking him back, but I would just like to know what your coping methods are. I am trying breathing everytime I feel my stomach turning and my eyes well up, but it hasnt really been working....Insight would be helpful.

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First of all, I am so sorry to hear you are enduring this honey. I can speak from similar experiences seeing as I am a single mother, working part time, attending university... My daughter's father has been in prison the past 4 years but when he and I first split up, he took it upon himself to flaunt his new younger, no stretch-marked busty blonde girl in front of me...

 

You know what I told myself? One foot in front of the other. I don't know why, but that has always gotten me through the toughest times. Surely the comfort of company and enotalone has helped but when I'm alone, when I'm sitting by myself when I would be with him in the past I think... just one foot in front of the other and you'll get through this tunnel of pain to the light at the end.

 

A question or two for you though, why would the rebound send you the text messages? What was the nature of them?

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HUGGSSSS!! Oh, gosh, I've been there! You plan on marrying someone, and you find out they've been in contact (and not in an friend way) with others, and you just wanna _______ !!!

 

The best thing I would do is drive, and scream in the car to really get it out. Talk to everyone, friends, therapist...take up kick-boxing, do physical things to get the physical knots out!! Even Hot Yoga! Writing till your hands are tired.

 

And do not compare yourself to her, whatever it may be, he's a tool!

 

And go on a vacay - dig up some friends to go, even if you cry here or there on it! Good luck!

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The knots in your stomach are your intuition trying to steer you in the right direction. Never ever ignore that. When you think of him or her...and you get knots, THAT is a signal to move in the other direction. I can't tell you how to get rid of it, except to stay away from the source of your pain.

Sending you good vibes to get through to tough period. And yes...like the other poster said...one foot in front of the other.

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I saw her number in his phone and asked him to call her. She stated "we are just cool", but when I said to her, I do not think you and him should be cool for the sake of his family and relationship, she flipped. She said that I was pathetic and sad for still trying to pull the family card and that he didnt want to be with me. He immediatley stopped her in her tracks and told her to respect me and his relationship but did not let her get a word in after that. Once we hung up the phone, she proceeded to send me "screen shots" of their conversations. I guess she didnt like the way he talked to her. He was asking her about going on a date with jealousy in his tone, and said that he will always love her and then sent a late night (2:45 AM) text asking "can I get some". Her responses were all non chalant. It seemed like he was the initiator.

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First seek out yoga techniques to let the stress go. Then make sure you maintain NC since contact will set you back and he's now proven that he will backstab you regardless of what he says. It's over, get yourself into therapy if you need, find some new activity that will occupy your time and keep your mind and hands busy, get with friends, go out, get a makeover. Fill the time with activity and improvements. The knots in your stomach and the anxiety are just temporary, you know this already, so let them come and wash over you then breath them out, shake it off and move forward. My guess is your guy never stopped contact with other girl and that's always, always a problem.

 

Also warm baths and hot showers, swimming, water in general can have a very therapeutic effect. I even purchased one of those little decorative fountains for my table that I'd sit by and just let the sound of the water calm me down after I broke up for the sixth and final time with my last ex. It all helped me move on from him. Good luck, hugs and also just posting on here and talking to others who've been there helps a great deal too. We are here for you.

 

Also make sure you take him to court to pay child support, keep the texts as proof of his infidelity too in case he tries to fight it. Just saying.

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