Is he cheap?

[Catherine_3]

????This guy isn't offering the deal???

 

Agreed, which I think is cool.

 

But then, I like "cheap" guys. They usually have a sense of equality, self respect, and know the value of a dollar. Those are the guys who will put you in a BMW and a mansion if you stick with them.

 

Obviously not if they're lazy and broke, lol. But I alway think you judge a guy more on his potential than his bank balance.

[needhelp6]

I'm a traditional guy, prefer to pick-up the check and I make that very clear upfront, just makes things easier and I don't have to worry about where we're going in terms of is this more then she would typically spend or her financial situation etc. That said, I've still had a couple women try and pay half, a tip or buy a round of drinks and it makes things extremely uncomfortable for me and I don't really know how to react. I'm trying to put myself in this guys position and I'm wondering if maybe, just maybe, he was trying to honor your request/offer or whatever you want to call it to pay on the first date. The difference in check 1 and 2 was negligible ($12) so I'm somewhat surprised that you're hung-up on that and check 3, DOES seem a bit odd that he'd ask you to cover a $3 - $4 tip but maybe he was going back to your original offer to split the check and wanted to honor your "preference" to participate in the financial aspect of the date yet still allowing him to pay the bulk of the meal. I could be totally off but I will say splitting costs of the date can be confusing for us guys and maybe he's not very graceful at it.

 

One last thing, do woman really keep track of how much we're spending on our dates together? Honestly, I couldn't tell you the cost of my last three dates.

[mhowe]

I would say most women don't...not to the degree OP does.

[mg22]

Cheap and rude to ask you for tip money.. i would have felt offended,

[itsallgrand]

I would say most women don't...not to the degree OP does.

 

I sure as hell don't.

 

I actually thought it was rude of you to not just go ahead a leave a tip. I mean, he paid. And you went with only a credit card on a date?!?

 

Not saying I am right. I am saying, so much of it comes down to what you personally perceive as proper etiquette and how to deal with money when dating. I don't think it's the man's job to pony up. I'm not paying attention to how much money is moved around - unless, I'm worried about spending too much (of my own or his, I mean if he starts suggesting out of what I could afford to pay for if it was me paying).

 

These are first dates, not when with someone. I think everyone - man or woman - should be coming prepared to pay their full way and not get upset if it doesn't go that way.

 

The whole point is to get to know someone a bit. Not seeing how much money he will throw down for you. Only my opinion.

[Doc Blaze]

3 dollar tip and people are complaining...

[Cheetarah]

I would be embarrassed to leave a 3 dollar tip! Now that's cheap, in my opinion. I also worked as a server quite a bit as a second job throughout my life, so I am a good tipper.

 

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[patterned]

Guys your trying to change her mind. It's a deal breaker for her. That's all that needs to be said.

 

 

Dali is right OP the only opinion that matters is your own. If you want a guy that's going to behave a certain way with the check then that's one of your filters. Or not, it's up to you, you can have it how you want. There are many people out there. You decide what you want and will accept.

[itsallgrand]

I would be embarrassed to leave a 3 dollar tip! Now that's cheap, in my opinion. I also worked as a server quite a bit as a second job throughout my life, so I am a good tipper.

 

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lol. Good point. Three bucks.

[itsallgrand]

Great, another thread on this topic. Bet it will totally get resolved to the satisfaction of all this time.

 

Funny, I bet you could exhaustively search the archives of ENA and never find one example of a MAN complaining that a WOMAN was "cheap"!

 

Dude you should start that thread.

[mg22]

Question : If the guy asked her on a date shouldn't he pay????????

[itsallgrand]

Question : If the guy asked her on a date shouldn't he pay????????

 

I think that is a rigged question and answer when we are talking about women who only accept dates where the man does the asking . lol.

 

Most women who refuse to pick up a check or a tip, aren't going out actively asking men they are interested out. Therefore, they are never paying unless it is directly ASKED of them.

 

So no. I don't think that even applies. I think that only applies when talking about men and women who are willing to be flexible with the rules of 'pursuit' to begin with.

[mg22]

Good point, and i guess i fall into the the old fashion category where man pursues women asks her on a date a traditionally pays for it. Now if the man suggests for the women to help split the bill that is very offensive and very uneducated on his behalf.

[itsallgrand]

It's preferences, right? !

 

For what it's worth, even though I'm not big on the traditional dating 'rules', I prefer not splitting as well. Turnsies is much better.

[Batya33]

I would be embarrassed to leave a 3 dollar tip! Now that's cheap, in my opinion. I also worked as a server quite a bit as a second job throughout my life, so I am a good tipper.

 

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And I'd be offended if a waiter complained about a 15% tip. I almost always leave at least 20% or close to it but where I live 15% is fine -it's not the amount of $ but the percentage of the bill that's relevant.

[itsallgrand]

And I'd be offended if a waiter complained about a 15% tip. I almost always leave at least 20% or close to it but where I live 15% is fine -it's not the amount of $ but the percentage of the bill that's relevant.

 

Honestly not trying to be argumentative nor derail things too much. I just find this interesting how people think and feel so differently on these matters - and it can make a big impact on relationships, dating, friendships, even family.

 

I never understood the percentage of a bill concept. Personally, I tend to leave a bigger percentage at 'cheaper' places and/or coffee type places when the staff is very good and I know their wages are not.

I figure the staff at expensive restaurants are making really good tips all the time, and it's rare I've seen them work harder than at these smaller establishments with smaller prices.

Plus, I tend to factor in time - how long we are there taking up their time and energy. How much it costs, I suppose, sometimes can be a reflection of that. Though not always.

 

I have no problem tipping twenty dollars for a fifty dollar meal, if the service was truly above par. But I would tip that same twenty for a hundred dollar meal that was above par.

 

I never considered it before, but maybe some people find me 'cheap' cause of this.

[Cheetarah]

I don't really take percentage into account(though if I had to guess, I'd say I tend to leave 40+%), I take the fact that I used to bust my ass to get paid, I know it isn't easy and it certainly isn't always pleasant, and that many places don't even pay their waitstaff minimum wage. For example, I worked at a dinky family restaurant where my hourly wage was 2.75, and I could only collect on it every 2 weeks. So I worked hard to get what I designated as my minimum for the day. Oh - And many places, you need to share 15% or even 20% of your tip total with the busboys. If I have a great server with a fabulous personality who is very attentive to me/my table, I might throw down more than the bill costs. It just depends. Because I know how it is, and it's tough.

 

I also don't go out to a full service diner unless I can afford to tip well. I don't expect people to tip the way I do, but I would look sideways at a guy who left the bare, socially acceptable minimum. Round it up and leave a 5, or at least throw another dollar in there.

[Cheetarah]

Also, wanted to share the cutest story, speaking of tipping.

 

At that particular restaurant I mentioned, a young couple came in with their small baby, I'd guess maybe just a few months old in a carseat. They hemmed and hawed over the menu for ages, finally settling on a catfish dinner that was about 10 dollars - Soup, salad, dessert. They were eyeballing the steak menu, but couldn't afford it. They shared that catfish dinner. They told me they hadn't been out together like this since they had the baby, but they were really happy to get out of the house. I chatted them up for ages. I figured they were definitely going to be a tip-less table, but they were the sweetest couple in the world, them and their shared dinner. They sat there for 3 hours!

 

When they left, they had neatly cleaned up the table and even wiped it with baby wipes! They had a 4 dollar tip for me in bills and change. I was surprised. There was also a note thanking me for making their first night out a great time and they wished they could leave me more.

 

Best 4 dollars I ever made.

[Cheetarah]

I don't think you're cheap. And you're right about the small/cheaper joints, the wages aren't good at all.

[Throwaway999]

Dude you should start that thread.

 

I think most guys would like it if a woman was more concerned about saving money than spending it! She'd be more concerned about you saving for the downpayment for the house you would buy together than with how much you spent on fancy dinners. Sounds like a keeper to me!

[Mr_LFA]

To clarify, I'm not trying to not contribute. My personal views on who should pay aside, this is what happened:

 

First date: He paid $22. Told me I could pay next time.

Second date: I paid $35.

Third date: He paid $21 and asked if I could cover the tip.

 

This isn't about money, it's about generosity, etc at this point....

It sounds like you wanted him to pay for everything so no I don't think he's necessarily being cheap, but you are by the same token for keeping a tally.

[jonny15]

Why is that?

 

Because some think it is their right to be treated like a princess, and have the guy pay for everything.

 

Not every guy can afford to pay a lot.

[Doc Blaze]

I would be embarrassed to leave a 3 dollar tip! Now that's cheap, in my opinion. I also worked as a server quite a bit as a second job throughout my life, so I am a good tipper.

 

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do your math... 3.60 is an 18 percent tip? again being called cheap for no reason..i usually leave 20 percent also ...thats 4 bucks i would probably leave a 5..why would i leave a tip thats almost half of what i paid for lunch....lol sorry...

 

 

jeez i guess the guys can never win...even if the girl thinks you tip is cheap , then your doomed

 

never knew 18-20 percent was cheap

[Cheetarah]

Where is 3.60 coming from? She actually said 2 dollars on the 21 dollar bill(which is not quite 10%). Then you said 3 dollars.

 

I didn't say 18-20 percent was cheap, either. I said leaving the bare socially acceptable minimum is cheap(unless you get poor service, in that case yes I think it's justified).

 

Have you ever worked as a server?

[Doc Blaze]

someone said asking to leave the tip would of offended her..and i said it was what 3 bucks throwing out the number...being 18 percent..which around here 18-20 percent is around what your tip should be...sooo 3-4 dollars...

 

so i still dont know how that is cheap.... its not

 

 

you technically did say 3 dollars is cheap "I would be embarrassed to leave a 3 dollar tip! Now that's cheap, in my opinion."

 

thats 18 percent of 20.00 ..so yes you did call 18 percent cheap