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Is he cheap?


Kricket123

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Hi all,

 

Happy new year, everyone!

 

I had previously posted about a guy I had gone on 2 dates with. On the first date, he had told me I could pay for the second date after I offered to split the dinner bill. I wasn't entirely happy with this--I actually paid more for date 2 than he did on date 1, and I would prefer if the man paid for the first fee dates and then I am more than happy to chip in, but that's just me. But, I wanted to give him a shot and went on date 3, which was this weekend.

 

We went for lunch at a cheap but very cute hole-in-the-wall place . Then, we did some fun free stuff in the city that was fun. The check for lunch came to $21 dollars in total. He reached for it and took out money and I let him because I paid last time. He paused at that point though and I asked if it was okay. He then asked me if I had any cash to help cover the tip. All I had was a credit card so he said not to worry about it and he would break another $20.

 

So, he had the money to cover the entire check and lunch, but chose to ask me. Lunch was cheap. I paid last time. We did cool free stuff for the rest of the date. Is this guy just cheap? Not particularly generous? I'm trying to be open minded, but...

 

What do you think?

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You said you prefer the man pay for the first few dates, what happens if the dating doesn't work out? You have now effectively wiggled out of having to pay for any kind of date.

 

When I was dating, it didn't matter who paid. If he wanted to pay, that was fine and if he wanted to pick up part of the date and I picked up the rest, that was fine too. Women claim to want equality but not when it comes to paying the check. LOL

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Yep.....he's cheap. I also prefer the guy to pay the first few times. I have no issues with helping pay, but in the beginning Im just old fashioned in wanting the guy pay. That's just me.

 

Honestly, the fact that the guy asked you to leave the tip, would have been off putting to me. And again, it's not about the money, it's about courting, romance and chivalry.

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To clarify, I'm not trying to not contribute. My personal views on who should pay aside, this is what happened:

 

First date: He paid $22. Told me I could pay next time.

Second date: I paid $35.

Third date: He paid $21 and asked if I could cover the tip.

 

This isn't about money, it's about generosity, etc at this point....

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To clarify, I'm not trying to not contribute. My personal views on who should pay aside, this is what happened:

 

First date: He paid $22. Told me I could pay next time.

Second date: I paid $35.

Third date: He paid $21 and asked if I could cover the tip.

 

This isn't about money, it's about generosity, etc at this point....

 

Isn't that the same thing?

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He is making a clear statement that he expects the expenses of dating to be split between you. Some men want to pay, and some men don't. If you are the type of person who expects the man to the pay, then this is probably not a good match.

 

I wouldn't necessary say he is 'cheap', but he is clearly letting you know he doesn't want you to expect you'll get a free ride on your dates together.

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If it makes you uncomfortable, you should stop dating him.

 

It's really not about money, but about the gesture. Similarly, I certainly can open the door for myself, but it would be nice if the guy does that. It would be kind of a turnoff if he says "I'll do it this time, but you open the door next time."

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He does not want to be the one doing all the paying on dates and i think thats probably where you are misinterpreting him as cheap.

 

However I think if the man really likes you he might would not be lying or caring who pays for the tab. You might want to kick this guy to the curb

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I'm pretty damn progressive when it comes to this, but yes I actually think asking you to leave the tip was off-putting. Not in and of itself, but you said you covered the whole previous date, so I find it kind of uncouth to be "taking turns" but then he wants you to cover part of it. If I paid for a date I'd assume I'd pay for the whole thing, if he wanted to leave a tip or get the drinks, that's very nice but I wouldn't ask.

 

However it's a bit strange to keep a tally of concrete amounts.

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I'm pretty damn progressive when it comes to this, but yes I actually think asking you to leave the tip was off-putting. Not in and of itself, but you said you covered the whole previous date, so I find it kind of uncouth to be "taking turns" but then he wants you to cover part of it. If I paid for a date I'd assume I'd pay for the whole thing, if he wanted to leave a tip or get the drinks, that's very nice but I wouldn't ask.

 

However it's a bit strange to keep a tally of concrete amounts.

 

Completely agree that it was tacky on his part to ask you to cover part of it. I think taking turns is fine but it sounds like his emphasis on it plus his behavior is raising some understandable concerns.

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Seems like both sides are keeping a careful tally on what's being spent and contributed, which is kind of a weird dynamic so early on. Seems like things are kind of doomed to failure. Early dates shouldn't cause such issues and headaches.

 

If he is treating me, then I don't look over to see how much it cost him. I would just assume he is doing what he is willing to do and can afford it. Ditto for myself, if I'm treating, then I will pick a place that I like and am comfortable with paying for and don't really care if it was more or less than what he spent.

 

The whole concept of covering the tip has always been really weird to me. If he is paying, he needs to pay. If I'm paying, I will just pay. If we are splitting, then we are splitting and getting separate checks. Paying the bill, but then asking for the tip....odd concept to me. Of course, everyone is different. I think you need to look for people who are more like yourself when it comes to dating and relationships rather than someone who is totally out of the left for you. Unless you have no problems easily changing your own views to match new views.

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I would be put off from the first date. I always offer to pay for my share on first dates, 99% of the guys refuse but noone has ever told me 'it's ok, you can pay the next time'. I don't know..that sounds more like a friend to me, not a date. And even if it's because he believes both people should contribute to dating expenses, asking you to cover part of the tip isn't part of the 'deal'..it's just cheap.

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Thanks all. I think it's totally about the gesture and that's what bothers me. We have seen each other once a week for 3 weeks, and our dates have been low cost. Swapping off who pays means he has spent $42 a month on me. I don't typically walk around with a talley of costs, but I don't like feeling nickel and dimed on a date. Plus, if a guy can't afford $42 a month on me, that's a deal breaker. I'm not going out with him again because I'm looking for a man who takes a different approach to things.

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Thanks all. I think it's totally about the gesture and that's what bothers me. We have seen each other once a week for 3 weeks, and our dates have been low cost. Swapping off who pays means he has spent $42 a month on me. I don't typically walk around with a talley of costs, but I don't like feeling nickel and dimed on a date. Plus, if a guy can't afford $42 a month on me, that's a deal breaker. I'm not going out with him again because I'm looking for a man who takes a different approach to things.

 

But I don't think it's about affording $42/month -because you're taking turns anyway.

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Hi all,

 

Happy new year, everyone!

 

I had previously posted about a guy I had gone on 2 dates with. On the first date, he had told me I could pay for the second date after I offered to split the dinner bill. I wasn't entirely happy with this--I actually paid more for date 2 than he did on date 1, and I would prefer if the man paid for the first fee dates and then I am more than happy to chip in, but that's just me. But, I wanted to give him a shot and went on date 3, which was this weekend.

 

This is why it's a lot easier to just bring your own money and be prepared to pay your share on every date. Keep it simple. There's entirely too many debates on this and it would make everyone's lives a lot easier. Pay for your own meals, movie tickets, bus seats, snacks etc... My personal opinion, it's ridicilous to expect someone else to pay for your meal when 1) I don't know a lick about you, 2) You are a fully grown capable and working adult or at least should be & 3) The fact that I can afford to pay for your meal does not guarantee that our date will be a success or we'll be a great match. In fact, #3 alone stands as the ultimate catalyst for the "free meal" type of woman. She called me cheap? That's ok. Maybe I am. The fact is, I'm a working man with bills and other financial responsibilities just like she should be. Therefore, if she's any kind of woman who understands the value of a dollar than she should understand if she's really interested in getting to know me the money for a date doesn't matter. She should also know that in due time after she has proven herself as a loyal partner and things have become more exclusive that we can then talk about who's turn is it to pay on what outing. Until then, eff that. You have to prove that you are worth that. Once again, this isn't a rant addressing you I'm just speaking in general. But I would also go as far as to assume that there are many guys out there who feel the same way as I do but just aren't willing to admit it. But there are plenty of guys who can match your taste and are willing to pay upfront out of the gate. Personally, I'm just not one for that idea if I don't know you very well. Maybe a coffee or something like a cheap meal. Once again, maybe, depends on you.

 

We went for lunch at a cheap but very cute hole-in-the-wall place . Then, we did some fun free stuff in the city that was fun. The check for lunch came to $21 dollars in total. He reached for it and took out money and I let him because I paid last time. He paused at that point though and I asked if it was okay. He then asked me if I had any cash to help cover the tip. All I had was a credit card so he said not to worry about it and he would break another $20.

 

So, he had the money to cover the entire check and lunch, but chose to ask me. Lunch was cheap. I paid last time. We did cool free stuff for the rest of the date. Is this guy just cheap? Not particularly generous? I'm trying to be open minded, but...

 

What do you think?

 

I appreciate your open mindedness. There aren't very many women who would've got through the first date. But just like the first round of a prize fight, there's a feeling out process. You don't always have to hit the "da-hell-wit-u" button. I would suggest if he was good enough for a third date there is obviously some sort of connection. Maybe you can talk to him and just tell him you would like to continue dating but just go dutch for a little while.

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Thanks all. I think it's totally about the gesture and that's what bothers me. We have seen each other once a week for 3 weeks, and our dates have been low cost. Swapping off who pays means he has spent $42 a month on me. I don't typically walk around with a talley of costs, but I don't like feeling nickel and dimed on a date. Plus, if a guy can't afford $42 a month on me, that's a deal breaker. I'm not going out with him again because I'm looking for a man who takes a different approach to things.

 

I'm sure there are lots of men that will take you to nicer dinners and spend more. Some men enjoy doing that, others may not like doing it per se but do it because they really want to impress someone.

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Is it possible that he's in a tight financial position right now? He may have had the extra $20 on him but that doesn't necessarily mean he didn't need it. Maybe he was planning to go deposit it after the date to cover his rent.

 

And you say you don't want to be with someone who can't afford $40/month to date you, but remember this is just a snapshot in time. Maybe he's taking care of other family members, maybe he's working hard to pay off his student debt... You'll never know unless you stick around.

 

I think cheap would be expecting you to pay for the dates. Going approximately 50-50 is fair. It's not cheap.

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