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Girlfriend is now confused about her feelings for me


itscoldoutside

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I'm in my early 20s. She's of the same age. We met a couple of years back when I was still studying.

 

That was my first relationship in my life. She asked me out first and we were togather ever since. She had a dark past. It turned out that her first boyfriend broke up with her in a pretty bad way because he lost interest in her and she was devastated. This happened much earlier before we even met so by the time I meet her she lacked self-confidence and had almost negligible self-esteem.

 

Over the past few years I healed her scars, tried to make her happy and kept her satisfied in every way she wanted. In the end, I transformed her into a person who respected herself more and was mostly happy all the time. A few occations we would argue but I would almost die from regrets afterwards if I ever made her cry. She had a very childlike personality sometimes so I enjoyed her company. She was very endearing to me and mostly it was a fun and happy time for both of us.

 

I'm a lonely guy and have very few friends. She's the only person I shared my pains and pleasures with. She helped me get better grades at university. She assisted me in getting my first job. She changed a socially awkward fellow like me into someone who gets along with society better than he ever was. I'm grateful to her for so many things.

 

She often fantasized about us marrying one day and I'd join in and share my dreams about taking her to places she's never been to. We planned to grow old togather. She became a part of my everyday life and I fell in love way too much with her over the last two years.

 

Only recently, she grew cold and emotionless for most part and said stuffs like "you will regret dating me" and "you should find a better partner" and "I'm just not worthy anymore". At first she would hesitate but my fears were correct when she revealed (after much pursuation) that her ex is back as just a friend and has apparently "reformed".

 

But her problem is that she is unsure of her feelings for me as she claims to have discovered some leftover feelings for her ex. She was suffering from immense regret of having broken her faithfulness to me (although I found nothing so far that implied she actually cheated on me, if you do not count that "having feelings" part) so I did the only thing I thought I should do as her man and said that it was alright and I had forgiven her since she is having regrets. She was surprised because I had forgiven her. I did not want to watch her suffer out of guilt to be honest. I just want her to be happy. And I really did forgive her.

 

But she said that she wants time to figuire it out and wants to miss me and realize my importance in her life on her own. I understood that one simply does not forget their first love entirely and decided to give her some time. And so, personally I don't think I stand a chance against her "first love" but I dare to hope as it would hurt terribly if she does break up with me. I will have almost nobody there for me and I dont think I can keep seeing her as friends afterwards as it would only double the pain.

 

I want to see her reach a conclusion and be happy in her life, whoever she picks. But mine is being torn apart slowly. And that feeling of an approaching breakup haunts me every night and I cannot sleep well anymore. What should I do?

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Feels good to get all that out though doesn't it? Its really good to hear that you just want her to be happy but u have to face the realization if you havent already that it might not be with you, but if the time you have spent with her has made her happy then you should be fine. Make sure she knows that she has also made you happy and that its not a one way street.

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You seem like such a great guy, and I can see that you both helped each other to grow and blossom. I think the fact of how honest she is being is so mature, she wants to evaluate and she must be in bits too, but the least she isn't leading you on. This other guy has stirred up some feelings, and I hope she can see the damage he did to her compared to the healing you provided. Really hope she sees sense and doesn't go back to him! If she does it is definitely her loss, and that fact that you just want her happiness even if it's not you. Wow. You are such an awesome human! Don't do anything rash or pressure her, and then when u find out go from there. Really hoping for you!

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Unfortunately this seems to be the issue nice guys have. I was in a similar situation last year, the relationship ended, but now I'm better off for it. Hopefully yours won't go the same way, but if it does it's not the end of the world. The main thing for you to do during this period as Selflove1 said don't pressure her, that will only work against you.

 

If I was going to give advice to her I would say two things, the grass isn't always greener (just ask my ex) and never take a backwards step in your love life. I think if she decides she still wants to be with the "first love" it'll only end up the same way it did the first time around.

 

You do sound like a great guy, try not to beat yourself about it. I made that mistake and it was only when I spoke to my sister that I realised that I did nothing wrong and as it turns out my ex now regrets the decision to end it because she didn't know if she was "in love" with me, but I have no intentions on going back to her as I'm enjoying being single and doing things for my own benefit.

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If I were you I would just let it go, when a girl says "I think you deserve better or you should find someone else" it translates to "I think I deserve better or I should find someone else" IF she hasn't done that already...

Personally I would leave as soon as I heard that her ex is around and she has mixed feelings for the two of us.

 

I mean...really? Chose between a guy who broke up with her against you who adores her?

 

The spark is obviously gone from her side and there is nothing you can do to light it back up.

Please dont end up being her plan B until her ex uses her once again.

 

Try to see the facts and not your conjectures.

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