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I show desperation


Silentlyfor

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I'm not sure this the best forum for this topic but I'll post here anyway.

 

So I seem to have this problem with women whom I'm interested in whom I believe reciprocate this interest. There have been cases where I have earned the interest of a girl to whom I'm attracted and do rather unattractive things to turn them off. I quickly seem to get overly attached to such a person, without any rhyme or reason, and then I start get a little clingy. By clingy I mean I will go to lengths to get in contact with them, make every effort to get close to them (with their permission, before anyone asks limited to indirect contact like the net or over the phone) and I generally just show a LOT of desperation without really meaning to.

 

This is due, mostly, to the anxiety I feel when I actually feel I earned the interest of someone I find attractive. I keep feeling like if I don't 'try harder' I'm going to lose my chance with them. The thing is I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to this specific circumstance. I'm realizing (as I'm maturing in this respect) that I'm coming off as really needy (or wanty as the case may be) and it is a very very VERY big turn off. This comes down to my lack of self-control, an aspect of my personality that I'm trying to curb even to this day. Be this as it may, I'm still finding that I'm repeating this pattern though to a much lesser extreme.

 

Does anyone else face this sort of problem? If so, what do you do to curb the inclination toward this behavior? If not, what do you think the problem might be? I'm rather extroverted so it is in my best interest to try to fix this.

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I think you should identify, in detail, the clingy stuff you have done in the past. Lay it all out. Then determine not to do that again.

 

Self-control is about self-control. Make goals, work for them, no excuses. For example, don't call a girl 5 xs a day. Make it twice a week. Or something like that.

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I think realizing that you are doing it and admitting it's hurting your chances it half the battle. In the early days of getting to know someone, why don't you use a "one-for-one" approach? Like, don't send 12 texts with no answer on her part. You reach out, she answers, you reply, etc. If you text or call and she doesn't respond, wait a good while before you reach out again.

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