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I am a very bad person


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Hey everyone...

 

I want to run a scenario past you and get your opinion.

 

I was been with my girlfriend for 4 years, and we have lived together for about 3 1/2 years. Our relationship ended because I was not giving her the attention that she deserved. I moved our bedroom so that I could be closer to the computer where I would both work and play video games.

 

My main work is being a graduate student, but what I normally worked on at night was financially related. The financial job has made me very stressed for about about 8 months now. My mind was always racing about it, and I had compulsive behaviors about it. As a result, I turned to a video game to relieve my mind from the stresses. Before all this happened, I was going to sleep with her... Like at the same time. Sometimes, if I couldn't sleep, I would get up do something, but I would always lay down with her and talk to her before we slept.

 

But after I had these behaviors I stopped going to sleep with her. I would crawl into bed around 2-3 in the morning. The worst part about this was that I did not realize what I was doing to our relationship. She had told me a few times that she was upset and wanted to move our bedroom back to where it was before and she wanted to sleep together, but I didn't really listen. I feel absolutely terrible and completely ashamed of this because I love her very much. But during this time I was very depressed and stressed because of my jobs, and I couldn't help but stay up late.

 

She had told me once that she was unhappy, and I tried hard to make things right, but after a while I seemed to have forgotten, and things just kind of went back to how they were.

 

She then cheated on me. I can't say that I blame her, but I think she could have gone about things in a different way. Such as breaking up with me first. It hurt pretty bad. We were still living together for a while, but we had "broken up". We would sleep in separate rooms and such, and I was always paranoid that she would sleep with the guy again.

 

I hacked her computer one night while she was sleeping. I made her computer accessible remotely. I was constantly paranoid about what she was doing, and I was constantly looking at her computer screen remotely. I found out that she slept with the guy at least two more times, and I kicked her out. We were always fighting and living together was just another stress (for both of us). I helped her move out, and we became civil after a week or so.

 

I can still log into her computer remotely. I cannot see her computer screen anymore, but I have a log of each keystroke and what programs are running, so I know exactly what she's doing. Using this, I was able to log into her email and facebook as well. It was a HUGE distraction. I was not living my own life. I was watching her live her life. I watched it at work and raced home to watch it at home. It has been two weeks now, and we have been talking and we are both remorseful of what has happened, but we are both trying to accept it. I told her that I wanted to cut off all communication from her, because I feel like it's the only way I can heal.

 

Now I have removed the keylogger from her computer and deleted all the files that granted me access to her gmail and facebook. But I feel very guilty and ashamed of what I did. I feel like I need to tell her what I did in order to come clean and heal, but if I tell her, she probably won't believe me that I removed all the malicious files from her computer, and she will probably just buy a new computer (which she definitely doesn't have money for).

 

So should I tell her or should I not?

 

Thank you for reading my long post about my life and any thoughts you have that might help me.

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I would think seriously about not saying anything because you yourself stated you "hacked into her computer." I know parents and spouses place keyloggers on computers but they have access as far as login info and passwords.

 

I'm not up-to-date on it, but what you did may have been illegal.

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Thanks for your reply... but she will not take legal action. We still both love each other very much. We stopped fighting and we both miss the past, but we both also agree that we must move on with our lives.

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What you did was stalk her. How do you know that if you get back with her & something happens you wont do it again?

 

I think you need to get help for this, as any future gf is in danger of you doing it to her. If you are caught I am pretty sure you could be arrested.

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What you did was stalk her. How do you know that if you get back with her & something happens you wont do it again?

 

I think you need to get help for this, as any future gf is in danger of you doing it to her. If you are caught I am pretty sure you could be arrested.

 

I don't know I feel really bad about this... my mind has been in a haze and I have been going crazy doing things that I normally wouldn't do. My mind is always racing. Especially right after she cheated on me, it was really really bad then. But it has gotten better recently. I just feel like I should come clean because it will help me heal. But I think I am convinced that I should just suppress it instead.

 

I will not do this again because I will not let things get to this stage in my future relationships. If it does, I think I will be better prepared to deal with my emotions.

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Desperate times call for desperate measures. U did what u felt u had to do. Your not proud of it, chalk it up to one of the things u did during a break up that ur not proud of and move on! Do not tell her and do not beat urself up. Just don't do it again or ur a physco

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Desperate times call for desperate measures. U did what u felt u had to do. Your not proud of it, chalk it up to one of the things u did during a break up that ur not proud of and move on! Do not tell her and do not beat urself up. Just don't do it again or ur a physco

 

LMAO. I feel like a psycho I seriously feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis and I'm only 25. Not only because of breaking up with her but because of all the depression I've been going through.

 

The funny part is, the new job that I have lined up in 4 months pays over $100k. I was so happy to get the job offer because, as two people both coming from poor families and struggling financially all throughout our relationship, we would never have to worry about money again.

 

Even though I will have all this money I am not even happy about it anymore.

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