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I feel like ive hit rock bottom tonight, im filled with sadness and I feel so lonely but I know its all part of the break up.

 

We were together for over a year, I broke it off with her in December after finding a message on Facebook of her agreeing to meet up with a guy from University, I had gotten tired of the lies and the hurtful comments, been told she doesnt know if she wants to be with me and the countless threats to leave me. It was a rash thing to do but our relationship is a secret on her side so I seen no point in it. She played dumb to the message and for about a day she told me she loved me and i thought maybe we were gonna work on it because it was all I wanted to do, to be with her and make it work.

 

For the last month ive asked her back but weve evolved into something that is nothing more than friends with benefits, she comes over each week for two days and we basically spend the whole time in bed together, she goes home and we argue or im ignored, she keeps throwing in my face that she can talk to who she wants as we aint together. Shes right but I havent even glanced at another woman, my mother told me to move on, my whole family have told me to move on and I clicked up a dating site and looked around and I just feel sad and guilty. Im not sure but I think shes talking to that guy from University I caught her agreeing to meet and i asked her tonight if we are over for good and she still says she doesnt know, just last week she cried while here saying she didnt want to lose me and she loved me but when she went home she picked a fight and ignored me again.

 

I miss the days when I didnt know what she was like, I miss the kindness and comfort rather than been told my family are disgusting, im beyond lazy and theres nothing about me to appreciate. I know in my heart I dont want my future with her, what sort of a future would it be? Been lied to and told my opinion doesnt matter. She never wants to do anything together anymore, she wont even see a movie with me, she constantly calls my family names. Unknowningly I left my Facebook up and a family member went through it and seen what she had written, the things she wrote are pretty disgusting but I sat and allowed it. Anyway my mother got upset over it and arguments started between me and my family as I took the blame for what was said, when my ex went home she pretty much abandoned me to take all the blame and made herself a victim, it really got to me been caught in the middle.

 

I try to be what she wants but why should I change if she wont? I could go out and get a place of my own but she would never live with me, ill always be her secret. Shes my first love so I spend all my time making excuses for her while she tells me I am to blame, I am the reason our relationship is broken, I am the one making her unhappy, part of me believes it because its been told to me everyday.

 

I know I need to stop speaking to her and letting her come over here but even though thats what I want to do, to get rid of the heart ache from my life, why am I unable to take that step? Why does it look so scary? Why do I hold onto I dont know like its hope.

 

Thanks for reading

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Because it was a year and was your first relationship- so it's so hard to let it go....

But meanwhile,, you can read over all you've said here and see how she is. Disrespectful, rude, selfish, etc.

 

Inside, you know she isn't right for you. You just have to give it time to wean off of her now. It will take a little while.

But is is best for your own stability & mental health to STOP any further contact with her.

 

This is who YOU are... she can't expect you to change 'for her'. Change what.. why?

You can never be all 'she wants' because she, herself is messed up and NOT for you..right?

 

Time to move along,,heal from this pain & loss then look at finding yourself a more decent woman who will respect & love you the right way.

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I feel the same way right now. It's hard to let go. It has been about 2-3 weeks since we broke up. I've been talking to her just like you have. But I told her yesterday that I was not going to talk with her anymore. We kissed one last kiss and waved goodbye. Then I blocked her from Facebook and Gmail. We both got new phones and agreed not to give the numbers to each other. You should do this.

 

It's the hardest thing I've ever done, and I'm still going through it just like you.

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As SooSad said it is mostly because she was your first love and you dates her for a year. The mind is not always rationale when it comes to intimacy related issues. It is obvious from your post that you realize that she is not the best person for you yet you have a difficult time moving on. A lot of us on here can understand that feeling all too well.

 

The only way I got out of such a relationship was being hurt and betrayed to the point where I had just had enough. And if I had the chance to go back and change something then most likely I would decide to get out of such a relationship way earlier.

 

I think it is good that you have the realization that it is time to move on. Now you just need the motivation and dedication to do it. It will most likely be a tough road ahead but one that may be necessary. Good luck

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the strongest negotiating position is one where you can walk away and mean it. you NEED to be able to walk away, for your own sanity.

 

one day you'll have enough of it and decide that you need to let go. you're scared because it's part of growing up and it seems intimidating. the truth is you have to be your own thing, and women will come and go. i almost guarantee that if you cut off all communication and not worry about what she thinks while you focus on getting your head straight, everything will come together.

 

just cut it off and go fall in love with a hobby. you're so strong if you can decline sex to keep your self respect. you don't have to tell her anything. that would make any woman respect you more. you need to be indifferent towards anything she says or does before you hook up with her. none of it should phase you, but you can't force yourself to think that way. you need time to heal and grow as an individual, and you're afraid you won't find something better. as long as you think you won't find something better, you're going to act like you won't find anything better, and that's unhealthy as hell. also not attractive. you'll keep pushing her away if she keeps coming over while you're in this obsessive mindset.

 

you need to take 6 months off all contact with her. give it a break and focus on breaking barriers in your own life, succeeding and growing that self worth you and i both have. if she's worth having, she'll be waiting for you after 6 months. if she's moved on by then, it won't phase you. you should not focus on getting her back, you should focus on moving on. only when you've completely moved on will there be any chance of what you want happening.

 

you're a great person and you need to believe that you can find someone that loves you just how you want to be loved. it just takes time, and you're going to have a nice full life if you have an open mind. but you need to be confident that you're a catch, and will attract tons of people in your life! just having that mentality will attract people to you, seriously.

 

remember, every girl that comes into your life is preparing you for the perfect one. every girl you meet until then is practice, you'll mess up and it's ok! accept it and move on. i just had your exact scenario with my ex. her having someone else in the picture drove me to tell her not to talk to me. the hook ups after the break up really screwed me up and prolonged my recovery a lot. remember that you can take as long as you want to recover, i promise you that you'll be able to find her after 6 months. remember that you don't know what will happen, and accept it. it's extremely hard but you have to grow. meditate if you can, try to sit for 20 mins and focus on your breathing. don't let any thought come to mind, just pull back to focusing on the air entering your lungs. just feel, don't suppress anything. accept the feelings so they can pass naturally.

 

you can do it, you know you can. be honest with yourself, stand up for your heart.

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I asked her if she was speaking to him and where we stand, she got angry and told me it was over for good, she then tried to twist everything and said if i want to get over her then i should, she still loves me but has no hope because of how i behave.

 

Its so obvious she is talking to him and shes interested in him and this is why it ended, this is why she wont go back to me but also the reason why she wouldn't end things with me completely. I dont know why she wont just admit to it, she denies it but its the same as when she was talking to her ex, i had the evidence she had been speaking to him but she still denies it and plays the victim.

 

I wish i could stop caring

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Because it was a year and was your first relationship- so it's so hard to let it go....

 

I see this is a returning quote on many threads.. However, I did not experience any of this sort of pain in my first relationship breakup, but I am experiencing terrible difficulties letting go with the most recent, my second relationship. I hope this feeling will go away bc right now, it doesn't.. it feels like I'll miss her forever.

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I also had to block my ex on FB and gmail. It wasn't until then that I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. As long as you have contact - you will allow yourself to heal. It is scary BUT - what is worse - taking a leap of faith to be happy at some point or being miserable for WAY LONGER.

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