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It's a messy situation! All opinions welcome!


Selflove1

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So here's the story ...

 

5 years and 2 children later and he tells me he wants a "break" (May) There was a lot of stress at the time, money worries, responsibilities, I'm 23 and he's 25. So being upset I said fine an he left. He asked to come back but I pushed him away thinking if we wants a break that's fine. Well it back fired!!

 

He enjoyed the going out and lay ins party lifestyle and no responsibilities ect and as I knew I was losing him I became stressy and needy. Two months later I find out he's cheated, taking a girl to a hotel twice (happened in June, found out in August) Obviously devasted. A lot of things for said and I could see how ashamed he was. I still tried to make a go of it, constantly telling him about my emotions but I think it pushed him further away.

 

Beginning a new job start of November he was away all week and back at weekend, I was glad he was sorting his life out and repaying debts and he wouldn't be sniffing coke as much (big issue that started when he left) he kept saying sorrys and expressing regret keep telling me how much he loved me and boys. But still we hardly saw him and his wages certainly didn't help for us.

 

After Christmas I found out he had slept with a close friend before the first one and had been taking girls to hotels and having one night stands all from May till Xmas. I feel so stupid for believing everything. He also booked a hotel Xmas eve whilst he was with our children for the Christmas Day night. It's now 12 of jan and he was at a hotel last night with a woman that he checked in with under his last name to (mr and mrs)

 

I am tryin to constantly be civil with him, the type of person he is is to not deal and ignore situations, I have even made a bit of joke and banter about his new missus and he gets angry and denies it. I have always used humour throughout all of this as a way to lighten things. He even tried to blame me for all his infidelities. I don't really know why I'm here, I know there's no way back for us even though I do love him (or the memory of us) and I know I I play a part in this messy break up.

 

Is this a normal reaction for some guys, to go banging everything? I know he's sad cos he can barely looks me in the eye but it's like our whole relationship meant nothing? And how can I see that being honest is the best way for us to maintain a friendship for the sake of the kids? Cos I do think honesty is best still instead of being kept in the dark, and would help me move on quicker. Then again his track record for telling the truth isn't great haha!

 

Just want your thoughts on how I can not become a crazy bitter ex who rebounds with his friends lol cos trust me the thought has crossed my mind!

 

Funny how telling complete strangers feels therapeutic

 

Thanks

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Yes,, when a break up occurs, one can reach out that way- going for everything they can. It is like rebound dating.. taking in one after another. Rebound relationships happen when one runs right into another after a long term relation ends. Things happen very fast and just a bit too fast. So, when it all ends, it's very painful to both parties, as they didn't deal with their first BU at all... etc.

 

I have a feeling, this is like a 'release' or a 'vent' to him. Kinda like mid life crisis. They have this yearning- a need to get out there and just let it all go. The man beasts some are. It does happen and is common.

 

Let him have his ways and let him go. let him keep srcrewing up his life. It'll catch up with him, i'm sure.

Hope they're worth it!

 

Best for YOU to just move on with your life, cause by sounds of hit.. HE has much work to do with himself, for a while yet.

To get his life back in order and get his **** together!

 

Yes, he'll come to 'miss you' and in ways, regret what he's done. But, as I say, you made this bed, you can lie in it!

It is very painful, i know. Life sucks sometime.

 

One day at a time... work on YOU now, at accepting it all and trying to move on. Maybe in a cpl years, he'll have smartened up some... or maybe he never will.

Either way, he's fallen apart in ways and does need to deal with the way he's been acting.

 

good luck tc

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I don't plan to do the same, cos I know it won't make me feel better, I just feel so betrayed again! It was only last week I was crying in my car after dropping our children off at his parents (he wasn't there even tho I said what time N wouldn't let me pick him up as his car his broke) and he was comforting me when really just he doesn't seem to care!

 

I think what I don't understand is how he can go out and have sex with multiple women, physically, how can he bring himself to do it? It's planned in advance too the hotel bookings .. I guess that's where some men and women differ I guess

 

And sometimes I try to be cold and distant the way he is with me ( sometimes I hate that we have to stay in contact for the kids sake) and then he makes me out to be such an unreasonable b****, for basically talking to him the way he does me?!

 

Oh god I hate that I sound like a moany old cow

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The only reason he's saying things like that to you is because he knows he's being a complete moron by throwing everything away! He needs to face up to the fact that he's thrown it all away and eventually he will but by then I hope its too late for him.

 

To be honest if you want to be a too him, go for it! It's only what he deserves but don't put yourself down, this was his mistake, not yours!

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